half naked & almost famous | lil peep

20. haunt u

farrah's pov

"farr?" kayla asked, opening my bedroom door just far enough she could stick her head in.

"hey" i said sheepishly, "you haven't gotten out of bed in like three days" she pointed out.

it was pretty shitty of me, but i just couldn't bring myself to get up. i was in so much emotional pain my physical body was starting to ache.

i was supposed to be taking care of her, not the other way around.

"do you wanna talk?" kayla asked, "i don't wanna drag you into this bullshit, you're my baby sister" i said.

"farrah, i'm basically an adult. but just talk to me please?" she asked, she sounded genuinely concerned. i couldn't say no to her.

"get in here" i told her. she climbed on my bed, sitting at the end of it.

"what really happened? i'm gonna need more than he cheated on you" she asked.

"i'd been busy for a few days, we hadn't seen each other. his words, he just missed me so much but then he got really drunk. apparently that means inviting some random bitch over to fuck is okay. he claimed nothing ever happened but she wanted me to know. she left her underwear, ew, a fake nail, hair ties, lip gloss and her hair all over his apartment for me to find. i confronted him and he hardly denied it. he just started apologizing and begging for forgiveness" i ranted

"i'm sorry, i know how much you liked him. i really thought he was a good guy too" kayla said. "so did i" i sniffled, my tears starting to fall once again.

"i'm just never good enough for them to stick around" i shrugged, i felt bad dumping on kayla like this, but really she was the only one i had right now. i hadn't seen willow, i called out sick this week.

i didn't tell her yet, she'd have him by the neck by the end of the day.

that decision made me realize maybe i still cared a little. cared for him, that is.

"what do i do k?" i asked.

"kill him" she joked, "i'm serious" i said, "he cheated on you. dump his ass and stay away" she advised.

"he didn't lie to me that she was there, maybe he's not lying when he says nothing actually happened. it's true, i wasn't giving him enough energy back, i was busy. he was really fucked up and maybe i should just hear him out again?" i rambled

"don't be fucking stupid" she rolled her eyes.

"he was perfect kay, why'd he have to do this? i can't let him go" i cried.

"you deserve so much better farrah, be for real" she said.

she was right, but i didn't want her to be. i just wanted gus to want me, i wanted to be good enough for him.

maybe i was being pathetic.

but i could have been better, he could have been better. we know now. he said nothing actually happened, he knows what's really right deep down.

"i know you just want to be loved, but you want to be loved by the right person. he obviously isn't if he's cheating on you" kayla said

"very wise for a seventeen year old" i told her. she was right though. i just wanted to be loved.

"promise me something?" kayla asked

"what?" i asked

"don't go back to him. please. you deserve better than a cheater" she told me.

"i know" i sighed, "promise?" she asked

"i don't know, kay. once this settles down a bit i think i should talk to him. i still have questions" i told her. i felt bad i couldn't promise. mostly because i knew she was right.

___

gus' pov

everything was foggy. the last few days being almost entirely blacked out.

drowning myself in percocet and xanax, i'd kept myself borderline comatose. that's the only way i could almost stop thinking about her.

i fucked up so badly. i don't think there's anything i could do to fix it.

not having her just made me want her more. i know i need my own girl, my girl. her.

i'd do anything. literally anything.

she wasn't answering my messages, who knows if she was even seeing them. i was never gonna see her again, was i? i was going to do anything i could though.

i saw her when i closed my eyes, in my dreams, so another cocktail of pain pills it was.

im making it clear

oh, i love you my dear

but i'm going, im gone

i might come back