half naked & almost famous | lil peep

15. tearing you apart

third person pov

one month later

alone at his small desk with his recording equipment gus sat in the dark, the dim light from his phone screen illuminating only his face, the subtle glow from his macbook hardly making a difference in the space.

his laptop screen displayed his soundcloud account, while he watched his instagram on his phone. he wasn't unappreciative of the sudden downpour of attention he, and his music was getting. he didn't expect it, and wasn't really sure how to handle it.

if you really knew him, he was a very anxious person full of insecurity. any ounce of negativity was like a punch in the gut.

of course most of what he was receiving was positive. people liked him and they liked his music. they related to his music. girls wanted him, despite the occasional lyrical content suggesting he was a player his heart belonged to farrah. none of these girls mattered.

on the other hand, some people tore him apart. his music was bad, his lyrics were stupid, his style was bad, he was stupid and untalented. unfortunately, that's what stuck with him the most.

more money was coming in, he wouldn't stop until he could 'retire' farrah and have them both living lavishly just doing what he loved.

he tried to relax and just go to bed but he was becoming addicted to dissecting every little comment someone made about him.

farrah was working, so he couldn't call her even though he really needed her right now.

obviously it wasn't his place to comment on kayla staying with farrah. she was a nice kid, smart and responsible. he was truly shocked at the situation, it was a horrific thing for their mom to do to her.

however he did miss just seeing farrah sometimes, she seldomly spent anytime at his place anymore because she didn't like leaving kayla alone.

he hoped, for everybody's sake, that the situation could be resolved soon.

gus tried not to frequent trips to see her at work. he didn't have a problem with it, but it was a bit of a strange dynamic being in a room full of men who also want to fuck your girlfriend.

tonight was an exception though, he was going stir crazy alone. he decided to stop in and see her for a bit.

he knew he was probably a bit too high to drive, but he did anyways. the world moved in slow motion past him through the car windows. he slouched slightly against the cold glass window while he drove, trying to let his thoughts escape his brain.

dazed, he approached the entrance of the club, the bouncers immediately snapping back into focus when they noticed him walking towards them.

"just me" he said, he knew most of them now. "hey man" they greeted, gus nodded to acknowledge their crossing of paths.

the club was dark, only neon coloured led nights scattered throughout the room. he didn't notice farrah initially, but he did see her best friend willow.

the two noticed each  other, willow held up a finger, telling gus in short 'one second, i'll go get her '

willow disappeared back into the nearest door, not much later farrah emerged, scanning the crowd for her gus.

"this is a nice surprise, what's going on?" farrah asked, she tried to keep the conversation appearing casual, even though she'd love to let every guy in the building know she was his, she'd ruin the fantasy , which unfortunately was critical to pay the bills.

"let's go to one of the private rooms" she told him, "say less" gus winked, he was just messing around, "i'll give you a good deal" farrah joked

once they were behind closed doors she basically velcroed herself to him. "what brought you here baby ?" she asked him, "not that i'm complaining"

" i'm just having a really bad night and i wanted to see you" he told her, "what's wrong?" she asked, changing her demeanour to a more serious one.

"it's stupid, just like some people just say the meanest most vile shit and i know i can just not read it but i can't stop and i keep obsessing over it" he vented.

"i know it's easier said than done but really trust me babe they're just so wrong. you're incredible and talented and beautiful and perfect" she told him. in her eyes she was completely correct

"can i come over when you're off?" he asked her, "of course. you can meet me there if you want i'll let kayla know you'll be over" she suggested.

"you don't mind babe?" he asked, "not at all" she said.

"nothing bad, but i've got something to talk to you about tomorrow by the way. nothing about you or us don't worry" she told him, dropping another anxiety bomb on him with no context

"it's not bad or anything" she added. maybe that helped a bit, but really he felt like all the air just left his lungs.

"okay i'll see you at yours boo" he said, quickly kissing her and going to leave before she could add anything else to her incredibly vague drop.