"start wherever. i'm a good listener" gus sat up, facing farrah. his demeanour changed, trying to create a comfortable environment for her.
"oh, i wasn't that serious. i wouldn't expect a stranger to listen to me trauma dump my life" farrah having regrets about even saying that.
"i'm your friend now, it's okay" gus ensured to her.
"oh my god shut the fuck up" farrah grumbled
"oh, i'm sorry" gus sounded defeated
"no i'm sorry not like that, i didn't mean that, just like you're being so nice i'm not used to it and i'm not used to genuine people. sorry" farrah rambled, avoiding eye contact and tugging at her sleeved. she was embarrassed, she really didn't mean to say that. she always had a way of fucking things up.
"it's okay" gus smiled
"well for starters my dad was rarely around to begin with, once he found out about my job i haven't heard from him since but it's whatever. once my mom found out she basically disowned me as well. my only family is my little sister who my mom doesn't even want talking to me but we still do. she's on a much better life path than me anyways. anyways blah blah blah i move out and find my ex boyfriend and looking back i probably shouldn't have hid it but i tried to not tell him i was a fucking stripper and he found out and beat me, broke my arm really bad now i have a bunch of metal and shit in it" she pointed to the scar on her arm while growing more and more emotional in her rant
"i've basically never had a real relationship with a man ever because they all just see me as a body and could never take me seriously to actually be in a relationship with me you know? there's always a sense of pity and down looking like oh poor her, she has to do this, but they still benefit so they don't care"
farrah was almost out of breath from the amount she had been talking, fighting back tears thinking about the worst elements of her life.
"and you're probably thinking, okay? stop stripping? but i can't. i didn't go to school and it pays well enough i can support myself i wouldn't be able to making minimum wage which is basically all my other options. i don't have any real talents or anything. and oh my god people especially men get so offended over it they think i'm like fucking and dating all these guys when in reality all i want to do is get home and be comfortable. it's literally no different than a server talking to her table it's just the way the job goes i don't actually care i'm just saying what will get me paid"
she hadn't been able to get her feelings out like this in a long time, she was frustrated, angry and sad. she didn't know if she needed to yell or cry or try and relax.
there was a pause for silence, gus finally decided to speak up, not wanting to make her feel talked over.
"i'm really sorry farrah, i know you don't need or want pity but that is a lot of unfairness to go through so young. i'm glad you can still talk to your sister though, that makes you happy. and as far as your job goes i totally agree with your standpoint that it id just a job and you're just checking the boxes to get paid. it must be difficult to feel like that though, and have everyone constantly reinforce that feeling" gus offered her sympathy, he knew she didn't need it, she'd overcome so much in such a short time already.
he did share how he'd been feeling all along, he didn't care about her job, it was just a job. no one wants to be broke.
"yeah, no matter how confident i am in myself and my own stance having every other person you interact with tell you different just breaks you down over time until you feel like you're nothing at all. but do you really mean that? some people say they don't care because they just want me around at all surface level, then they just kick me to the curb" farrah didn't trust gus, she'd heard things like that before and then got made a fool of.
"i understand it's probably hard to believe me fully right now, we do really hardly know each other but you'll learn that i don't lie, farrah, i mean it. swear" he put his hand on his chest, tapping his heart.
"i'm also sorry to hear about your ex, no one deserves that happening to them over anything. i know you don't want to think about him so i won't bring it up. but really, i promise you deserve better than that" gus assured her.
somehow, in the 20 minutes they had been talking farrah had felt more seen, heard, and cared for than she ever had in her whole adult life. maybe gus was her friend, she thought, even though they hardly knew each other.
gus meant every word he said to her, he knew that people have probably glossed over these things saying they don't care when they do just to have an in with her.
"thank you" farrah said, sheepishly.
"it's never a worry. talk to me anytime" gus told her.
"no really, thank you, no one is ever this kind and real to me" she was almost embarrassed to admit her poor judge of character in the people of her past.
"i should get going though" farrah decided, "it's getting quite late".
"i'll drive you" gus offered
"i'll walk but thank you, really. i appreciate it" farrah turned down his offer
"are you sure? it's not that safe for you-" gus was cut off
"i just need to clear my head a little. the walk will do me good, i know a thing or two about dealing with a creep. i walk home all the time, i'll be fine really" she insisted.
"are you sure, id really rather get you there safe" gus insisted.
"really, i'll be fine, promise" she was stubborn
gus sighed, he knew he wasn't winning the argument but he also wouldn't forgive himself if something happened letting her walk home alone in the middle of the night.
"will you call me when you're home safe at least?" he bargained
"yeah i will" she agreed
"bye gus"
"bye farrah"
YOU ARE READING
half naked & almost famous | lil peep
Fanfiction"i just wanna stay broke forever" yeah that's that shit no one ever said
