I'd Kill You First: when bad meets bad

Chap. 28

SODA:

I hated silence.

It invited in thoughts, and thoughts led to emotions, and those led to feelings.

So I looked at Keenon as we pooled out of the club, leaving Matt to haul away my drunk friends. I almost felt guilty about leaving him with all that, but he got me into a mess with Brody, so whatever. He's a big boy, he can handle a few drunks.

Keenon, on the other hand, hadn't said a word to me since we stepped outside the club with Brody and Matt. His eyes were shut off and distant, face showing absolutely nothing as he stared blankly out the window. I really hated it.

"Hey," I said softly.

He didn't even move, or blink, or breathe a little harder. No sign that he was going to acknowledge me.

"Look," I sighed, "I'm sorry you had to come with me. Matt didn't have anymore seats, and we couldn't find Toby's keys anywhere, and you came with me, so..."

Nothing.

"I can take you back to the apartment if you want," I pushed out, knowing that if I did that I would miss seeing dad and Trace would kill me.

Nothing.

"Fine." I whipped the car around in the middle of the road, tires squealing as I spit stray rocks out the back.

I clenched the steering wheel, heading back to the apartment doing about ninety. It was deathly silent other than the roar of my engine before Keenon's fist shot out and slammed into the dashboard.

"Just fucking stop!" he growled, glaring at me so hard I gulped.

I slammed on the brakes and slid of the road, bringing my car to an abrupt stop. He opened his door and got out, slamming it behind him so hard the window cracked and the car rocked. I stared at my cracked window in shocked silence for just half a minute before I came to my bitchy senses and stormed out of my car.

"What the hell, Keenon!" I screamed at him as he walked down the side of the road.

When he didn't answer, I stalked to him and raised a hand, slapping him hard across the back of the head.

He froze instantly, whole body tensing to the point that his shoulders swelled in size. But he kept walking.

"What is wrong with you?" I spat, grabbing his jacket and shoving his back.

I walked around the front of him and stopped, forcing him to either sidestep or knock me down. He came so close our chests were touching, hate glinting in his dark green eyes. But something else was there, too.

"I have had it with your little pissy bad boy act," I hissed, glaring at him. "I let you move in, I treat you well, I tolerate you. Hell! I even spared your life! What do you do? You become an emotional wreck, all hard and stereotypical, like that kid with daddy issues in high school or something. What is your deal? Act your freaking age for once!"

I watched anger flicker over his face as he stepped closer, almost knocking me down.

"You know what, I don't owe you an explanation. I realized tonight that I knew you. I recognized you from some time before, I just couldn't remember till now. When you stood with Matt, then came over to me, then back to him. When you flirted with all your brother's friends. When you got up on a pole like an all time whore! I knew it was you. That seventeen year old girl in that club I wasn't supposed to be in, the one that danced on stage and served drinks to all the horny guys, sitting in their laps and laughing as they felt you up. You would kiss one, then once he was out of sight, you would jump on another. Hop. Hop. Hop. That's all you ever did."

He was almost literally growling as he continued to take dangerous steps closer, making me back up.

"I realized tonight what you are. You're heartless. You don't give one. single. fuck. You screw with hearts and drop them, leaving without a single care. And to hell with me if I'm gonna let it happen to me too! I always seem to attach to the bitches, Huh? Always! I attract the ones that don't care about anything, because they assume I'm the same! The bad boy who will give me a little attention then let me move on with no regrets or trouble. Well guess what, that's not me. I care. I care that you are hurting, that you seem to be in some type of deep shit, that guys hit on you, that... that you slept with me without screaming in your dreams. I'm not that guy that lets yet another girl walk all over him! No!"

I felt my back slam into my car as he seethed, but I wasn't afraid anymore. I knew what that other emotion in his eyes had been. Hurt. Maybe even fear.

"Keenon," I said ever so softly, slipping a cautious hand onto his hard chest. I looked up at his stoic expression as his breathing tried to calm. "Kiss me," I whispered.

He stared at me for such a long time, eyes blankly trained on my face. "No." He finally said lowly. "I won't do that to myself."

My heart twinged in an awful way as I watched the hurt deepen in his beautiful eyes. Why was I feeling like this? I never caved to the feelings of men who thought they had me figured out, who thought I was theirs to mourn over. What was I doing? I wasn't allowed to have him. I couldn't do this to my dear Keenon. It would only hurt him.

So why did I find myself slipping a hand behind his neck?

Why did I want him to look at me without hurt so badly?

Why did I stand on my tip toes and let my breath grace his precious lips?

"Keenon," I breathed.

I watched horrible indecision tear away at him as his green orbs scanned over my face, settling on my lips.

I wanted him to kiss me. I hated myself for it, but something about him... I needed him to kiss me.

"Please..." he winced out, struggling with whether he was going to stay in the moment or pull away.

"Please what?" I whispered, not sure what he was trying to say.

He groaned and tucked his face into the crook of my neck, breathing in and out deeply. His arms slid around me and held tightly, pressing my forehead to his chest.

For reasons I couldn't understand, my heart decided to hammer loudly inside of me. Keenon pulled back a little, forehead bent down to touch mine as his eyes went to my chest. He frowned deeply as his eyes slowly came up to mine.

He could hear my heart racing.

Racing for him.

And then he kissed me. It was slow and sweet, our lips gradually getting used to each other. His tongue licked over my bottom lip, asking to enter, and for some reason my mouth opened for him. His tongue slid in slowly, grazing over mine. He groaned into the kiss, breaking away abruptly and burying his face in my neck again.

I bit my lip. I wanted to kiss him again. I had only ever wanted to kiss one other person. I never thought I would voluntarily want to kiss someone else other than Matt.

"Why did I have to go and do that?" he whispered deeply, his warm breath rolling over my skin.

I shuddered in delight.

"Because you wanted to," I answered.

It was quiet for a minute before I just slipped out, "And I did too."

He pulled away abruptly and stared at me. "What?"

I flushed a little, ashamed that I had slipped up and said something like that. This wasn't like me. I cleared my throat awkwardly and licked my lips, trying not to react to how amazing he tasted as I looked back at my car.

"I really need to go now," I mumbled.

It was a little too quiet, so I chanced a peak up at him to see him grinning at me.

"Sure, Rootbeer. Let's go."