I'd Kill You First: when bad meets bad

Chap. 38

SODA:

I walked into my apartment with a slight hobble, going over to the wall sized window immediately. I could see the city, the lights, the unknown, and I was afraid.

I was so afraid.

I had been unconscious for one month, laying there in the hospital, broken. Most of my injuries had been healed over that time period, but my leg was serious enough to still have on a cast. I had gotten the chance to look in the mirror the first time I was allowed to bathe myself, and I almost screamed. One of my eyes had gone a dim gray color. I could still see out of it, and it wasn't misshapen or anything, but the left image of everything was distorted. I had two scars on my forehead that weren't too bad, and a third on my cheek that was a little deeper. They told me I had been bleeding internally when I first arrived at the hospital, so I had scars on my stomach from surgery and a broken rib. Stitches had been removed, bones were healed, and all I had left was a cast and shattered memories.

The last thing I remembered was walking into a bar with my cousin and her boyfriend, on my way to see a client. I couldn't even remember if the assignment had gotten completed or not.

As for where I was at the moment, they told me I lived with Keenon, the man I didn't know, and that we were good friends. That was all anyone ever said to me. The man himself, Keenon, I hadn't seen him again since I first woke up from my coma. No one knew where he was. Or if they did, they wouldn't say it.

I turned from the window to see Brody walk in with Matt, who was carrying a duffel bag over his broad shoulder. Apparently Brody had already been staying with me, though I couldn't figure out why he left the coast in the first place, and Matt was staying too, until everything was figured out. They hadn't really asked much of me, or said much either, but the nights at the hospital after a woke up again, Matt would come in and slide into bed with me. I would sleep in his strong arms, trying to understand the way he trembled as he held me so tightly it hurt to breath.

What had happened to him? Why was my Mattie so afraid? What had happened to me? No one was saying anything on why I had been in the hospital, and for the strangest reason...

I didn't care.

I didn't want to know. I hadn't asked a single question about any of it, because I wanted to remain clueless. Deep down, I knew it was because I was afraid of the memories, afraid of knowing what it was that made my family and friends so scared and paranoid. But I kept telling myself I didn't care because it was just easier that way. Then again, don't we all do that? Tell ourselves a lie because it's jut so much easier that way?

A few people had stopped by at the hospital to see me, a girl named Lacy, followed by Jasmine, Toby, Lance, my cousin Cheryl, Jared, and a guy named Kyle. Some faces I could match with memories, but others were just like looking at a blank canvas. Nothing was there. Lacy seemed the most upset that I didn't remember her, and Toby even cried a little when he found out, but I didn't know them, so I didn't care.

"Princess?"

I turned with a jolt and looked up at Matt as he looked out over the city with me. His blue eyes were lit up by the lights, but they still didn't shine. I almost couldn't bare to look at them. I missed his fire, his spark, his wild spirit. He seemed quiet and less threatening these days, taking back entrances and standing in corners rather than taking charge. He watched me like a hawk, not letting me leave his sight. Now that, that I cared about. I remembered Matt. I left him and the gang because I had put them in danger, and the night I slipped away into the world on my own, I had told him I was leaving him. I couldn't forget the look on his face, the only time I had ever seen emotion in those eyes, and it was because I broke his heart. Because I remembered that, I cared.

"Hmmm?" I hummed, hiding the sadness I felt at the dullness of his gaze.

"Whatcha thinking about?" he drawled slowly, flickering his gaze down to me.

I looked back at the city lights, into the darkness of the nighttime world, and sighed. I wanted to tell him I was afraid. I wanted to say I cared and I was sorry and I was just so, so afraid. But I couldn't do that to him. Something told me that it would only take one more thing before he snapped, and I didn't know what I would do if my Matt snapped. Because, I already snapped. They just didn't know it. Something had turned off in my head, something very important, and I didn't really register life anymore. The ability to see things in a new light, to live and laugh, that was gone.

So I bit my lip and shrugged a little, deciding to say the next best thing to the truth. "You."

I felt him stiffen beside me. "Why?"

"Because I don't remember why you're here, and the only thing I do know is that I left you," I said bluntly, turning around to look at his face.

He seemed to falter with his words before letting out a harsh laugh, maybe not meaning to sound so cold. "We've met several times since then, Princess," he breathed.

I felt myself frown before I could catch it. "But why?"

His gaze turned heated and intense, and I'd be damned if that look didn't always make my skin burn for him. He stepped closer and slid his arms around my waist, eyes boring into mine as he dropped his head and said lowly, "We never stopped making love, Soda."

I shivered against him and felt my mouth go dry. So he remembered all the times we had been together since then, and I was in the dark. I wasn't sure if I should feel embarrassed or... I don't know.

"Wh-why would we do that?" I stammered, burying my face in his chest so I didn't have to meet his gaze.

His chest vibrated with a chuckle. "We sort of made a deal that whenever we ran into each other, we would be there for the other no matter what. We would belong to them for as long as they were there. I ask you if it's still on every time I see you, and you've never told me no."

I grinned at hearing this, not embarrassed at all. Matt and I always had a special something, and I was almost incapable of being shy around him. If anything, I remember him always bringing out my wild side. We were the kings of the streets, everyone's favorite wild couple, until I left anyway.

"Hey guys, I'm gonna go pick up dinner from the diner down the street, okay?" Brody called, grabbing his keys and walking out the door.

"Alright," Matt called, not taking his eyes off me.

And suddenly, I felt a little wild. "You know," I said softly, finding my bearings with each word I said. "I don't have any of those memories we made."

Matt's eyes darkened painfully until he looked at my face, and that pain turned to heated curiosity. His brows flicked upward in that sexy arch, and for the first time, I saw a little sparkle in his eye.

He pulled me closer and put his mouth by my ear. "Don't tease me," he growled, biting my ear.

I let a moan slip out because I'm just evil like that, and his body shuddered. I slid my hands up his chest and looked at him from under my eyelashes. "The deal is still on, Matt," I breathed.

"But your cast-"

"Fuck it," I rumbled, and his lips were on mine in less than a second, barely giving him time to say, "As you wish."