I'll Always Find You.

chapter 11

ZWIDE: Naledi. Naledi wake up we're going to be late.

NALEDI: Hmm? Yeah.

ZWIDE: Mama vuga phela.

NALEDI: Kea tshoha nou.
I got up from the bed and wore his slippers.

ZWIDE: This thing of you wearing my shoes is going to make you fall Naledi. I should buy your tiny feet some shoes.

NALEDI: Hai I'm fine with yours wabo,they're nice and comfortable. Don't you think?

ZWIDE: Okay ,go bath Mama ,we're going to be late .

NALEDI: Yeah yeah ,skang omanya lwena.
I get where he's coming from though, I've been super tired lately and I've been getting late to work.

ZWIDE: Yini manje uk'omanya ?Nawe Naledi nga magama acho I know nothing of. Mele ngikfundise IsiZulu.

NALEDI No ,I should teach you Sesotho. I mean it's easier.
I walked to the bathroom and ran the showers water.

ZWIDE: Okay....yini uk'omala keh.
I chuckled at the butchering of the pronunciation.

ZWIDE: Oh so you're laughing at me?
He said as he held me by the waist and kissed me by the neck.

NALEDI: Zwide.....ha ke so hlape.
It felt weird you know ,him holding me before I washed up . Kendrick always told me a ladies should never present themselves to men before they bathed ,apparently it was unlady like. That made me very insecure. You ever fear the fact that maybe, just maybe there's something off about you,how you look, smell ,dress,you name it. That's how I felt every morning with Kendrick.

ZWIDE: So?
I pulled away and turned off the shower.

NALEDI: I don't want to.
He took my hand and came in for a kiss.

ZWIDE: Yini Naledi ,I smell like shit? I have something on my face?

NALEDI: No.

ZWIDE: So what's the problem?

NALEDI: Nothing, I just want to get clean first, you know.

ZWIDE: No I don't....okay let's do this,I'm going to kiss you and how about you kiss me back?

NALEDI: Zwide can't you respect that I don't want you all over me right now? No means no! You out of all people should know that!!
He simply let go of my hand. Maybe I'm being inconsiderate of him maybe....I don't know. He walked out the bathroom.

NALEDI: Zwide.
He swiftly turned around.

NALEDI: I didn't mean to yell. I'm sorry ,are you mad at me.

ZWIDE: What makes you think that?
He said in an utterly cold tone.

NALEDI: I don't know. Zwide I...

ZWIDE:Get ready, I don't want you to be late.
.....

FIKILE: So glad you guys could make it.

ZWIDE: I wouldn't miss it for the world.
He said giving her a side hug.

FIKILE: Thank you Dingiswayo. Thank you too Naledi, really and I truly apologize for the dinner and how we behaved.
At that point I was over it .

NALEDI: Don't worry about it.

So it's Bokang and Fikiles anniversary celebration and alot of people showed up. Zwide didn't tell me it was going to be this formal ,I mean I see dresses and suits while I'm wearing a white tee and blue jeans and he's been avoiding me ,I find myself having to create conversations with people I absolutely don't know because he's leaving me high and dry even though I'm his plus one.
The party came to an end and we walked to the car.The drive back home was as silent as a mortuary.

Maybe if I pretend I lost something and I ask him where it is ,it'll spike a conversation.

NALEDI: Have you seen my phone?

ZWIDE: On the kitchen table.
Well that didn't work.

NALEDI: What are we eating tonight?

ZWIDE: Whatever you want?

NALEDI: Did you...

ZWIDE: Get to the point Naledi ufunani?(What do you want? )
He interrupted.

NALEDI: I want you to talk to me. Is that too much to ask?

ZWIDE:Talk about what?

NALEDI:This morning Zwide and the fact that you've been avoiding me ever since.

ZWIDE: Naledi..ngikhathele.(I'm tired)

NALEDI: Well I'm not sleeping until we talk.

ZWIDE: Suit yourself.
He grabbed his car keys and went upstairs.
Ha kena matla a ho ngwapana leyena kajeno lena.
I went to the bedroom ,wore a shirt of his and got inside the covers. Nothing later than a minute I felt his hand caress my waist pulling me closer.

NALEDI: Why did you walk away from me like that?

ZWIDE: Njengoba ngishilo, ngikhathele mama. It's been a long day.

NALEDI: It really has been ,with you avoiding me the entire time . What was that?
He looked away and sat up on the bed.

NALEDI: I mean you literally take me to a place where a barely know the people there and you let me leave the house ekare I'm going to a braai and lastly you avoid me.

ZWIDE: Now you know how I felt this morning. Do you know how much I respect you mama? And the fact you don't makes me question what you take me for
He said cupping my face.

NALEDI: I know Zwide.

ZWIDE: Well clearly you don't if you're on some 'you out of all people should know that ' .

NALEDI: Its just that..I feel like...
How do I put this?

ZWIDE: Spit it out .

NALEDI: When I was in a relationship with Kendrick, every fucking morning if I tried to show affection he'd put me down. Make me feel like I'm some dirty skank Zwide. He'd make me believe his hurtful words regarding my body ,my stomach ,my stretch marks kore...I'd question my beauty at times . He would tell me that it's inconsiderate of me to think that he'd want to hold me or touch me better yet kiss me before I bathed . That fucked with me Zwide, I don't want place you or me in uncomfortable situations.

ZWIDE: ngifuna ungilalele futhi ungilalele kahle Naledi. Sengizokhuluma isizulu manje ,ngiyethemba uzongizwa mama. Ungomunye wabafazi abanamandla engibaziyo,ubuhle bakho buhambisana nokungabaza nokulinganiselwa. Uphelele futhi ungavumeli muntu akutshele okuhlukile yezwa.

( I want you to listen to me and to listen to me carefully Naledi. I am going to speak Zulu and I hope you'll hear me. You are one of the strongest women I know,your beauty has no doubts and limitations. You're perfect and don't let anybody tell you different)

He came closer and leaned in for a kiss. Our lips collided as I let out my emotions, unexpectedly so. I guess I'm only realizing now how toxic my relationship with Kendrick was. He lowered his hand to my waist holding me even closer to his inviting body. His hand crept into his shirt teasing my skin with his finger tips. Tears fell down my face as my body yearned for more. My hands found themselves assisting him take off his shirt.

ZWIDE: Naledi.
I ignored his calling and positioned myself onto his lap deepening our kiss.

ZWIDE: Naledi.
He said pulling away. My effusive self led my swollen lips back to his in need of more...

ZWIDE: Mama...
He pulled away, finally.

ZWIDE: Naledi! Look at me.
He lifted my chin to meet my eyes. I met his beautiful worried eyes glaring down at my water blinded own.

ZWIDE: Talk to me.

NALEDI: I need you Zwide. Desperately.