I'll Always Find You.

chapter 19

The only child I was able to create passed and now I'm being told I might not be able to fall pregnant? Maybe I'm just not meant to be a mother then. Kore my life is just in shambles.

NALEDI: Zwide.

ZWIDE: Doctor there must be an honest mistake ,run more tests ,do something.

ZWIDE: Zwide.

DR:Treatment can be taken for about 6 to 8 months depending on the damage its a 50 /50 change but with a case a servere as hers the changes are slim.

I got off the bed ,got dressed and left the room. Zwide followed close behind me and got into the car.

Right when I think things are actually beginning to look better for me life takes a shit on me.

I could tell Zwide wanted to say something, do something but what do you do at a time like this.

NALEDI: Did you call the chef?

ZWIDE: Hmm?

NALEDI: The chef?

ZWIDE: What about him?

NALEDI: Did you call him?

ZWIDE: What for ?

NALEDI: Dinner. Are you expecting me to cook?

ZWIDE: No I'll get us food.
He got out the car and went on a phone call.

I got into the house and saw a note saying that Karabelo and Mpho went to visit mphos friend since we were taking a long time to get back.

I feel like a huge cluster of dust has been placed on my lungs ,it's a hassle for me to breathe, I'm trying to hold back my tears, really but having to deal with the fact that I might not become a mother is breaking me apart. I went upstairs and ran the shower.

I hot water on my skin felt relieving,the burning sensation centered my pain into a huge ball of emotions.

Zwides razor was sitting comfortably on the shelf, intriguing me. I walked out the shower and took it. I slowly slid the blade off the handle. I gently held the blade in between my fingers deathly close to wrist.

What the fuck are you doing Naledi?
If I do this ,I might die .....and see my parents ,talk to them ,be with them.

The cold blade cut my skin revealing a crimson colored liquid.

There's no going back now .
Another line formed on my wrist, this time cutting deeper.
Tears came falling down my face ,blood came gushing out my hand.

"Naledi.", I heard from downstairs. I began panicking, blood dripped all over the floor as I tried applying pressure trying to stop the blood from escaping my wounds.

I regret it.

NALEDI: Zwide !
I yelled.

ZWIDE:Naledi,ukuphi?
He walked into the bathroom and stopped by shower.

He looked absolutely livid at what he was seeing. He began taking off his clothes and switched off the shower.

NALEDI: Zwide I can explain.

ZWIDE:Come here.
He said ever so calmly. It scared me .

ZWIDE: :Woza la Naledi, ngeke ngikulimaze.
I slowly walked over to him as he tore his shirt and tightly wrapped my hand with it.

ZWIDE: Ubuzama ukwenzani sthandwa sami? (What were you trying to do my love? )

NALEDI: I don't know Zwide, I..
He picked me up and put me in the shower ,letting the water run down on me.

He came in and sat down behind me.

ZWIDE: Naledi, living life without you  would basically become meaningless you know that right?

He asked as held my hand fondling my wound.

NALEDI: Zwide my life is meaningless like this ,I can't go on facing challenge after challenge and having to put a goddamn smile on my face .

ZWIDE: Naledi you don't have to go through everything alone,I'm here with you. Holding your hand all the way. But you trying to cut yourself, no matter fact you cutting yourself I my house is where I draw the fucking line.
He said holding my wrist even tigher.

NALEDI: I wasn't thinking straight zwide I'm sorry.
I said trying to stand up but he held me down.

ZWIDE: I can't lose you Naledi, I just can't.

NALEDI: And you won't.
He let go and I positioned myself on top of him . Well from there I think we all know what happened.