I'll Always Find You.

chapter 16

This past week I've been helping Fikile plan for the suprise event for Bokang and everything has been going great. Tonight is  the night and I am super ecstatic.

FIKILE: I'd like to thank a good friend of mine for helping me put all of this together for my hubby and I... can we please put our hands together for Naledi.
Everyone clapped and Bokang made his speech.

ZWIDE: The place looks wonderful mama,I'm proud of you .
He whispered awfully close to my ear sending butterflies straight to my stomach.

NALEDI: Thank you.
Bokang made it to our table and took a seat and he was DRUNK.

BOKANG: No mahn,you two look amazing together. Don't you think Fikile?

FIKILE :Yeah they're cute. It's like they were meant to be.

BOKANG: Not like ex yale ya hao Dingiswayo, you remember her...khana what's her name?

FIKILE: Natasha.

BOKANG: Yeah Natasha. Nah she was a real mad woman. I can't believe she got away that .

FIKILE: Ya ai le nna babe. People are cruel.
I could visibly see Zwide try to shut them up with his eyes but he didn't want to say anything because he knew I'd want to know more.

ZWIDE: Enough about me ,tonight is about the two of you and the baby.

FIKILE: Soon we'll be having a mini Dingiswayo running around the house neh.

NALEDI: Noo ...absolutely not.

ZWIDE: Oh really?
He said caressing my thigh under the table.

NALEDI: Yes .

ZWIDE: We'll see about that.
The party was coming to an end and I decided to go to the bathroom.

WOMAN: So you're Dingiswayos new chick.

NALEDI: Excuse me ,do I know you?

WOMAN: You don't know me but I 100 percent know you. I'm Natasha, an old friend of Dingiswayo.
Thee Natasha, Zwides ex? How did she know me?

NALEDI: How can I help you?

NATASHA: Sis I'm here to help you. Dingiswayo is not who you think he is ,he's an abuser and a rapist, a manipulator.

NALEDI: Is that why you sent him to prison?

NATASHA: He took advantage of me,look.
She unzipped her skirt and showed me horrendous scars on her thighs.

NATASHA: He did that to me and I have many more. I'm just here to warn you before you end up like me.
And at that she left the bathroom and left me completely and utterly appalled.

Did Zwide rape her?

I said my goodbyes to Fikile and Bokang and found him by the car on a phone call. As he saw me he hung up.

ZWIDE: You ready to go?

NALEDI: Yeah .
The drive home was mostly quiet, I didn't want him to notice I was lost in my train of thought.

ZWIDE:  What's on your mind?

NALEDI: Hmm?

ZWIDE: What are you thinking about?

NALEDI: Nothing.

ZWIDE: I guess we'll talk about when we get home then.
He pulled up to the house and we got out. I hurried to the bathroom in hopes of avoiding him.

ZWIDE: Naledi.
Shit.

NALEDI: Yes.

ZWIDE: Come have a seat.
I walked over to the bed and took a seat.

ZWIDE: I hate secrets. You know that right?

NALEDI: Yes.

ZWIDE: Good. Where you going to tell me about your little encounter with Natasha?

How'd he know about that?

NALEDI: I was...

ZWIDE: When?

NALEDI: Tomorrow.

ZWIDE: Why not tonight?

NALEDI: Because it's..

ZWIDE: Bullshit!
He yelled interrupting me.
ZWIDE: You weren't going to fucking tell me Naledi.

NALEDI: Zwide I don't get why you're mad honestly.

ZWIDE: I'm not mad ,I'm trying to understand...

NALEDI: No but you're yelling at me.

ZWIDE: I can do whatever the fuck I want you understand me.
He said pouncing at me making me flinch.

NALEDI: Not with me.

ZWIDE: What did you just say to me?
By this point he was starting to scare me for real.
You have to understand, I'm fairly short but Zwide on the other hand stands tall and firm and is super intimidating.

NALEDI: Did you do it Zwide?
He took a few steps back and folded his arms.

ZWIDE: Do what?

NALEDI: Rape her?
He blankly stared at me with his eyes piercing through me ...literally.

NALEDI: Zwide I just want to know I...

ZWIDE: Do you believe her?

NALEDI: I don't know what to believe. You're showing me different sides to you that really make it easier for me to believe her.

He shook his head and mumbled things under his breath.

ZWIDE: You're supposed to believe me.
He said pacing up and down the room .

NALEDI: Make me believe you .

ZWIDE: Fuck Naledi!

NALEDI: Zwide ...please calm down, we should just talk about this.

ZWIDE: Naledi if I tell you ,you won't want anything to do with me. I can't lose you.

NALEDI: Try me.
He took a breath in.

ZWIDE: Zwide is not who I am. That's who I choose to be.

NALEDI: What do you mean by that?

ZWIDE: I've done things I'm not proud of and I'd do everything to take them back but I can't. Dingiswayo refers to my past ,who I was .

NALEDI: And who's that?

ZWIDE: Someone violent, someone destructive, unforgiving. Someone capable of dong things beyond explanation.

NALEDI: Try to explain them. Try to make me understand.

ZWIDE: I don't know where to start Naledi.
I took him by the hand and sat him down.

NALEDI: Start from the beginning.
He took a deep breath in.

ZWIDE: After my parents passed away I was forced to go to the streets and I eventually got exposed to drugs. That led to me needing a fucking fix everyday and I didn't have money for that so I began stealing, stealing money, clothes,  damn even electricity cables just anything to exchange for money. My addiction nearly ended my life when your parents picked off of the streets.
Njengoba ngishilo ukuthi bangiphethe kahle ngaze ngahlanganisa iminyaka engu-19. Uyihlo wayeqala ukudlala ukungcola, engibeka izandla.Bengicabanga ukuthi lokho kujwayelekile you know. He began filling me up with hate ,hate for  the world hate for myself, women, men . Everyone and everything. I was dumb, gullible Naledi. When I realized the shit he was mentally feeding me I became angry. I've been ever since. My anger inomqondo wayo,Dingiswayo finds small cracks in the window to escape and when he does I can't hold myself back and in essence that's what happened with Natasha. I caught her cheating and when she came back home she told me she was ready for us to take our relationship to the next level. Leso sifebe thought she'd play me for a fool.  I tried forgiving her but in the heat of the moment I couldn't hold myself back and I hurt her.