Belsize Park || Kate & Leo

☆ Three ☆

"School’s out for summer.”

That’s what Joe told me yesterday as he flung his satchel into the car and sank into his seat, plugging an earphone into his left ear, and turning it up. Bear flopped into the back seat and wiggled until he was behind the passenger seat and in his booster seat.

“You both belted?”
“Yes.”

I turned the wheel and headed down the road, listening to the drones of the car along the tarmac, and the escaping strains of Joe’s music through the unoccupied right earphone.

“So, you went to visit mum yesterday,” Joe’s voice faltered. “with granddad?”
“Well after he dropped you guys off at the heath, he came round, had a cuppa and wanted to visit the grave. He’s not been to London since your mom’s funeral.”
“Oh right.”
I swallowed, trying to salvage our fraying conversation. “So, did you have fun at the heath?”
“It was alright. A bit too hot though.”
“Well, you were wearing a thick sweater though, Joe. It was 27 degrees out. You might need some summer clothes don’t you think? We can go shopping if—”
“No, it’s okay. I have summer clothes, I just… like my hoodie. It’s comfy, you know?”
“Oh okay. No, that’s fine, just let me know if you need anything.”
“Yep.”

He turned away from me, bending his elbow on the door, and leant his head against it. I looked towards Bear in the rear view mirror, and flashed a smile.
“How’s Beary today?”
“Good! We had golden time today, and I painted you and mummy!”

Golden time is this thing in British schools where you are rewarded with an hour of free time to do basically whatever you like. Kids spend it running around playing soccer, building Lego towers, apparently putting PVA glue on their hands, waiting for it to dry, and then peeling it off. Our Beary likes to paint.
I smiled weakly, chewing the inside of my cheek, as I flick the indicator lever down, and turn left down Eton Avenue, right down Haverstock hill, and finally left down our street: Parkhill Road. Our house is on the right hand side. I parked the car, and Joe and Bear scrambled out, running ahead to unlock the door. I grabbed Bear’s school bag and ran to catch them up…

***

I am sitting at the table, my head in my hand as I drain the last of my coffee. Every morning when the boys aren’t at school is the same. Mia is hunched over your copy of Revolutionary Road, tracing her fingers over your notes. It is the fourth, no fifth, time she has read it in the past year. Joe is upstairs. Playing the keyboard or playing the drums. All we hear is the thumping through the floors, but occasionally, we get a nice piece that makes the headache worthwhile. Bear plays with his train track, and turns the tracks into different shapes every day, but still manages to take up the entire room.

It is the summer holiday now. It’s going to be six weeks of the kids hiding inside, afraid of the sun, afraid of being children, and I am not sure I’m going to be able to cope. We have all been suffering from being cooped up in the house, not exploring. I feel disconnected from the world, disconnected from our children. Everyone is doing their own thing, never talking. Mia gets through five books a week, Joe has practised his songs so many times I think if I took him to perform at Royal Albert Hall, he could astound everyone. Bear has built so many train tracks and ran around the room clutching a wooden train so many times that he is going to run out of shapes to build it in.

You know what, we are getting out of here. We need to leave Belsize Park.

I stand up, tapping my fingers on the table and heading towards Mia. I tap her on the shoulder, and she wrenches the earphone from her ear, flashing a weak grin.

“Hi, dad.”
“Hey, Mia. How’s Jagged Little Pill going?”

Mia has been listening to Jagged little pill by Alanis Morissette recently as if her life depended on it. She cocks her head and frowns, before relaxing them.