Belsize Park || Kate & Leo

☆ Ten ☆

I’ve not slept in three days. It’s been three days of — well after the dinner party thing with Jill, Max, and Verity —it’s been three days of sitting around at the table, letting my tea go cold, pouring it down the sink, and making another one, only for that one to go cold too. Mia has reverted back to the scripts. I thought that, surely, she would have read all of them by now… maybe she’s re-reading them? Joe actually left the house yesterday, saying something about going busking with Max. It’s nice— he and Max seemed to develop a nice bond, one which gets him out the house, which is nice. Bear has spent the past three days laying on the floor with a wooden train track around his body, lazily moving it around him. Then when he gets bored of that, he runs over to Mia and asks to act out the scripts with him.

“Mummy, daddy! Can I be an actress too?” He used to ask, looking up with two of the biggest, bluest eyes I had ever seen. They sparkled with this passion I had never seen in a kid before, well aside from Mia and Joe. Most kids went through phases of what they wanted to be — from firefighters, to doctors, to astronauts. Our son always knew what he wanted to be.

“You want to be an actress, Beary?” You asked him every time. We didn’t ever correct him.
“Can I?” You picked him up, and curled him into your chest, ruffling his hair. “You can be anything you want.”

I lay in bed, refreshing these memories on loop in my head, like flashbacks on never ending film reels. Your smile lights up my mind, and I reach my hand out to touch your face, feeling the warmth and softness fill my fingertips. You lean in and press a kiss to my cheek, tapping it lightly, and I pull you down on top of me, tickling your sides.

“No! Leo! Stop! I need to get ready for bed!”
“Ready how?”

You disappear into the bathroom, and return with a hairbrush in one hand and a toothbrush in the other, balancing it between your lips, and cocking your head.

“Oh come on! You can do that anytime!” I tease, leaning my head in my hands, and assuming a similar pose to the drawing scene from Titanic.
“What, brush my teeth? Surely you don’t want to kiss me with bad breath, do you?”
“It wouldn’t be the worst thing we’ve done.”

Your eyes widen and you lean down to pick up one of the cushions, tossing it over to me. “Let me finish getting ready, then we can… pick up where we left off.”

You move your index finger to your chin to wipe the toothpaste off, and you look at me through your eyelashes, and I feel my breath hitch, and you disappear back into the bathroom. I look down to my strained pants, and listen to you shuffling around in the bathroom.

“Seriously, Kate! Come on!”

The rustling and the tap stops, but you don’t come back in. I look around the room, wondering if you have sneaked around the bed, but there is no sign of you.

“Kate? Come on, this isn’t funny.”

I swing my legs over the side of the bed and walk to the bathroom door, knocking lightly. “Kate? Hey, are you okay there?”

I open the door. The frosted window is open, and a soft summer breeze comes through. You’re not here, not even an echo, not even your perfume. You are just… gone.

As the weight of reality crashes down upon me, a suffocating sense of despair threatens to consume my fragile composure. My chest tightens with each ragged breath, my vision blurring as tears prick at the corners of my eyes. The empty bathroom stands before me, cold and unfeeling. I feel more alone than ever before.

"Kate," I whisper, my voice a trembling echo in the stillness. "Where are you sweetheart?"

But there's no answer, only the hollow echo of my own words rebounding off the walls. Desperation claws at my chest, a relentless ache that refuses to be silenced. I sink to my knees, my fingers curling into fists as I struggle to contain the torrent of emotions threatening to engulf me. My heart thuds, pounding in my ears, and my whole body convulses.

"Dad?"

I look up, my eyes wide, and turn to see Mia standing in the doorway, her eyes wide with concern. She edges closer to me, and kneels next to me.

"Dad, what happened?" she whispers, rubbing my shoulder. I raise my hand and drift it around to find you, mouthing your name.

“Mum?”

I look around again, my eyes widening as I tried to see clearly.

“Dad, you’re scaring me… what happened?”

Sobs fill my chest. Everything is blurry, and the noise sounds muffled. I press my hands to my ears.

“Where is she?”

“Who?”

“Kate! Where is she? I was speaking to her… she was here, brushing her hair… she wouldn’t get into bed and then… and then she just disappeared.”

I train my eyes on her, trying to regain some normality.

“Dad,” she breaths. I watch her eyes flicker closed and then open again. “When was the last time you slept?”
“I— three days ago?”
“Oh.” She exhaled.
“She just won't leave my mind when I'm trying to sleep.” I shake my head, holding a fist to my mouth. “I can’t stop thinking about her. I miss her… I miss her so much. I don’t know what to do, I—”

She cuts me off with a gentle touch, her hand reaching out to brush away the tears that stain my cheeks. "You don't have to do anything right now," she says softly. "Just... let yourself feel."
“I can’t! I need to look after you, Joe, and Bear.”
“I can do that.” She smiles. “You’ve done more than enough, let us take care of you now.”

She grabs my arm and heaves me up from the floor, dragging me over to my bed. I flop down, she tucks me in, and closes the blinds down all the way.

Her words are like a lifeline, pulling me back from the brink of despair. With a shuddering breath, I lean into her embrace, allowing myself to be enveloped by the warmth of her presence. For a moment, the darkness recedes, replaced by the simple comfort of her touch.

"Dad," she whispers, her voice a soothing balm to my battered soul. "You need to sleep."

Exhaustion washes over me like a tidal wave, I realise that she's right. I nod slowly, pursing my lips. “I know it’ll be hard, but… just get as much sleep as you need, sleep through tomorrow if you need to. I’ll look after the boys.”

I smile at her, my eyes becoming heavy. “You’re so good to us, Mia Honey. Your mom would be so proud of you.”

Her eyes fill with tears, she nods slowly, and pressees a kiss on my cheek. “Night dad, sleep well.”

And I do.