Belsize Park || Kate & Leo

☆ Eleven ☆

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM

Fourteen hours of sleep later, and it’s midday. My arm is numb from laying on it, and it has weird patterns on it. The sun streams harshly through the curtains, and our room feels like a greenhouse. I sit up and lift my arms over my head, feeling all the bones in my lower back crack, and I exhale. Standing up, I pull on a pair of trousers, tug a shirt over my torso, and head downstairs.

“Hey dad.” Mia grins, handing me a plate with some fruit and some waffles.
“Morning, Mia.”
“Do you want orange or apple juice? Or a hot drink?”
“Orange is fine, thanks.”

She pours some orange juice into a highball glass, places it on a coaster, and takes a seat beside me, crossing one leg over the other, and placing her hands on her lap. I eat the food she prepared for me; the kiwis, blueberries, and chunks of mango, and cut off a section of the waffle.
“So, dad…”
She eyes Joe, who is slumped in a corner, playing with Bear and his trains, his hand is spread over the pages of a book, and he occasionally flickers his eyes over to read a few sentences before Bear grabs his attention back. Joe gives her a I - don’t - know - what - you - want - me - to - do - this - is - on - you - look, and I frown.
“What is it?”
“I just think that… especially after last night, maybe you could benefit from some therapy. I already called someone. She’s called Julie, she’s very nice.”
“Julie? Julie Barron?”
“You know her?”
I nod. “She was your mom’s therapist.”
“Mom had a therapist?” Joe asks, coming to sit at the table next to Mia, and Bear follows suit.
“Yeah, after Titanic, and the paparazzi wouldn’t leave her alone, she just needed someone to talk to.”
“Couldn’t she talk to you?” Bear blinked, stilling his train on one of the table’s grooves. I nodded, biting my lip as I remember how you were in the weeks that followed Titanic’s release. You had just lost Stephen, and already were in low spirits, but somehow the paparazzi made it a million times worse. I suggested you go to therapy, to help make sense of everything, and you agreed.
“Well, sometimes you need someone… impartial to talk to, you know… she did the film with me so…”
“But did you get backlash too?” Joe cocks his head.
“No, and to be honest I don’t know why Ka— your mom did. They said she was fat but look at her!” I feel my eyes well with tears as I pick up a picture of you from the middle of the table, and look across from your golden face, and your beautiful body. How anyone could be so shallow and spiteful about anyone is beyond me. I hold it to my chest, and blink the tears away, sniffling.
“I’m sorry.” I pull the frame away from my chest, and place it back into the middle of the table.
“Don’t be, dad.” I shake my head and purse my lips. “So when’s my appointment?”
“1:30. I’ll drive if you like.”

***

I remember the waiting room from the first time I brought you here. You wore one of my hoodies, and a pair of leggings, and these beat up trainers you had since you did Heavenly Creatures in New Zealand. Julie called your name, and led you into a room, and you flashed a tired smile at me, waving as the door clicked closed.

“Leo Davidson?” She says again, and I look up, flashing the same forlorn smile at her that you gave me back then. I followed her into a room, and the door clicked closed. She pointed to a red sofa, and I sat on it, watching as she sat on a spinny chair, crossing her legs, and clicking a pen, setting it on a notebook.

“Most people might prefer to lie down, but is it okay if I don’t?” I whisper, interlacing my hands, and biting the inside of my cheek.
“Of course, whatever makes you more comfortable, Mr Davidson.”
“Please, call me Leo. Davidson is just an alias, you know for—”
“Confidentiality. Don't worry, I understand.”

She narrows her eyes, and I watch her face blanch slightly. “Before we begin, do you know why you’re here, Leo?”
I nod. “Last night, I hallucinated that my wife was speaking to me, but then when I went to find her, she had disappeared.”
“Right. Your daughter Mia told me this on the phone. Okay great, we’re both up to speed. What was your wife’s full name again… just for the file.”
I look down, toying with my wedding band. I could never bring myself to take it off. “Kate… Elizabeth… Winslet…” I suck in a breath. “D-DiCaprio.”