Belsize Park || Kate & Leo

☆ Four ☆

Are you back in the sky this evening, Kate?

The sun is rippling over the horizon, and when I look out the window, there are streaks of gold, orange, pink, and blue, as if an artist brought some paints to an empty canvas with the word “ethereal” in their mind. I imagine you coming down, embodying yourself in the skies.

We got back home at 8pm, after a long day trampolining, walking around London like giddy, laughing idiots, and hiding from the paparazzi. Mia led us in, followed by Joe, still donning his hoodie, and Bear, who was still hyper from the slushie I got him in Brent Cross. For a moment, I just stared up at the sky, my hands shaking from the adrenaline pumping around my body. I actually spent time with all three of them today, and they all talked to me! I sat on the doorstep, with the door half open, just reminiscing about the day. It feels like… magic. That’s the only word I can think of to describe today. It has been like you are here. I can feel your presence today more than I have been able to for this past year. I press my thumb to my lower lip, needing to sate the feeling of you not being here to kiss me anymore. I miss the feeling of your lips against mine, against my forehead. I miss your voice, your warm hands. I miss your soul being beside me. But I know it lives on in our children. I know they are a part of you. A part of you I will always love, always cherish, always miss. Exhaling, I smile up to you and make my way back inside. It is cooler than the outside, probably because the first thing I expected  Mia to have done when she went in was turn on the air conditioning. I close the door, bidding you goodbye.

Enjoy the sky tonight. You’ve done a wonderful job, my love.

Inside, the kids are sitting scattered on the floor, watching Bear’s train track, and watching him run around shunting around this wooden train and slowing down when it comes up towards the stations.

“This is a Northern Line train terminating at Edgware. The next stop is: Belsize Park, arriving in one minute!”

“Wow!” I exclaim. “Do you have the entire London Underground memorised?”  I sit between Mia and Joe and Bear tumbles into my lap, his arms and legs flailing.

“No! I only know the northern line because it goes through Belsize Park!” He giggles, sitting up and crossing his legs beneath him. “It would take about 52 minutes to get from Battersea Power Station to Edgware station.”
Mia grins. “Right. All the stations, go!”
“He won’t be able to do it.” Joe mumbles, but we ignore him.
Bear sets down his train, fixing his eyes on the wall as he begins listing the stations. “Battersea Power, Nine Elms, Kennington, Waterloo, Embankment, Charing Cross, Leicester Square, Tottenham Court Road, Goodge Street, Warren Street, Euston, Mornington Crescent—”
“Is he still going?” Joe whispers again, his eyebrows raised.
“Apparently so.” I whisper back.
“Camden Town, Chalk Farm, Belsize Park, Hampstead, Golders Green, Brent Cross, Hendon, Colindale, Burn Oak, and finally, terminates at Edgware.”
“Woah.” I chuckled, clapping. “Beary, you’re so clever! Do all Brits just magically know the London Underground stops like this?”
“No. Well, I don’t.” Mia replied.
“Me either. I think Bear fixated on it for a few days to learn that. He came into my room to borrow my laptop and didn’t give it back for three days.”
“It makes a good party trick though. Nice job, kiddo!”
“Thanks daddy!” He holds his hand out for a high five and I move mine to meet his. He beams and then returns to the track, continuing his northern line journey. “Daddy?”
“Yep?”
“What’s a party trick?”
“Something you can do to entertain people at a party.”
“Ohh. Do you think people would like to know all of the stations daddy?”
I smiled, tears pricking in my eyes as I lowered my hand to his back. “I’m sure they would.”

I move into the kitchen, leaning over the sink as the glass of water I was making overflows. I stare outside. It has turned dark now, with just the distant twinkle of stars, and the faint strip of yellow at the horizon. The last part of your painting being turned into stars. I run a hand in the stream of the tap, and splash it over my face.