Belsize Park || Kate & Leo

☆ Seventeen ☆

One day in 1998, I wandered into a jewellery shop, with one of those shy boyish grins, a fresh face, and a gleam in my eyes. An hour and a half later, I left with a velvet box, a shiny rose ring, and a wider, warmer smile. I pocketed it, and ran all the way home, planning the perfect moment to ask you to marry me. Our engagement was caught in a photograph by my mother, who was in on the surprise, and that photograph is now in my locket, which Bear is currently wearing.
Today, I am taking the kids to the same place I bought your ring from to get their lockets. They have each chosen a picture to go in them, and on the drive there, they all hold them closely to their chests. Mia’s picture is one of her, me, you and Joe. It was a family photo Roger took at our ten year wedding anniversary party in 2009. Mia was eight, Joe was five, I was 34, and you were 33. Young and beautiful. Ethereal. Joe’s photo is one of us at a music concert he performed in at school the week before you died, our last outing together. He was sitting behind his drums, his drumsticks poised above them, and we stood either side of him, me in a suit, you in a navy pantsuit. And Bear’s picture is just of me and you, an old picture from Titanic when we were mic’d. You were wearing the tartan blanket and a waterproof jacket around you and your hair was slightly messy, but you still looked beautiful. I still remember how your laugh rang out that day, as I pointed out the microphone above our heads, and the camera off in the distance.
“Mr DiCaprio… wow, nice to see you again!” The owner comes around the counter, and shakes my hand. “Proposal went well then?”
He looks at our three children, who are grinning at him.
“I guess you could say that. This is Mia, she’s twenty, Joe is seventeen, and Bear is seven.”
He nods, “nice to meet you kids, I’m Ansel. Your dad bought your mother’s engagement ring from… assuming she is their mother?”
“Yes, these three are mine and Kate’s.”
“I’m sorry to hear about what happened to her. It’s a shame too. The Emmys are coming up and I heard her programme… Mare of Easttown was it? I heard it was nominated.”
“Yeah it was. She did a great job too.”
“Do you think she’ll win?”
“I hope so. It’ll be posthumous though, which is… she worked so hard on it and deserved to be there to win.”
“Will you go for her?”
I had never considered going. I never wanted to be the one to collect Kate’s award for her. It was always supposed to be her collecting it. But the nominations were announced two days before the one year anniversary of her death, and when I found out she had been nominated, I knew if she won, someone else was going to have to go, someone like Julianne, or Evan, or Jean. Or me.
“You should, dad.” Mia whispers. “It will be good for you.”
“I–”
“To honour her, and celebrate her work.” Joe adds.
“And when she wins...” Bear exclaims, his eyebrows shooting up. “You can make a speech!”
“Just think about it.” Ansel smiles. “No pressure. I’ll be watching either way. So what can I help you with today?”
“Bear found my locket with a photo of their mom, and I asked them all if they wanted their own… and here we are.”
“Great! We have lots of lockets you can choose from! Good prices too.” He leads us over to a glass counter, and we peer through the top. The necklaces are all different colours and shapes, some have flowers engraved on them, and some with writing on them. I stand there and marvel at them, until one catches my eye. It's a gold filigree pendant which is rose gold inside. It’s the same one I bought you when Mia was born, it's the same one that hangs on your side of the bed. Bear plays with the chain sometimes, threading it through his fingers, and opening and closing the clasp to look at the photo inside.
“Dad?”
“Hm?” Mia is holding up a very similar design, only the inside is blue, and it has a silver tree on it instead of a gold rose. “Oh that’s nice. It kinda looks like the heart of the ocean too.”
“Yeah I thought it looked like mum’s too.”
“Yeah it does a bit doesn’t it? Do you want that one?”
“Yes please.”
“Awesome. Joe? Bear? Any thoughts?”
“I like this one.” Joe smiles, pressing a finger to the glass, pointing out a silver ridged design which has what looks like leaves around the edge, and mountains in the middle.
“It’s nice isn’t it? I like the mountains. They’re very adventurous just like…”
“Your mom. We should watch the episode of Bear Grylls again, or… or The Mountain between us!”
“I forgot about those! Daddy, can we please?” Bear exclaims, and leans into my side, allowing me to ruffle his hair.
“This evening, yes. And  we can get some popcorn and icecream and some coca cola! How does that sound?”
“Yes!” He exclaims. “Daddy, I like this one.” He presses both hands onto the glass, leaving condensation marks. The necklace is beautiful, very artsy. It has a blue and white swirl with gold flakes on it.
“It looks like mummy’s eyes.” I feel my own eyes frost over as I picture your eyes again. Yes that's what they were: celestial blue and white swirls with gold flakes. You were gold dust, Kate.
Ansel returns with a grin. “How’s it going?”
“We have three lockets chosen.” I point them out and he takes them out, and puts them in their own boxes, carefully passing them back over to the kids. “Would you like the pictures put in for you?”
“Please. Saves me messing it up. Arts and crafts was more Kate’s thing.” I chuckle,  passing over the three pictures, and he spreads them out on the counter. I point out whose photo is whose, and he goes to resize them, telling us to take a seat. We thumb through some old magazines,and he returns ten minutes later with three lockets in three boxes, distributing them to the kids. I go to the counter, flashing a warm smile at Ansel, and pulling my wallet out.
“How much do I owe you?”
“£250 if you please. Cash or card?”
“Cash if I may.” I hand him six £50 notes, and tell him to keep the change. You always said it was polite to give them a bit extra money for their services, said it was like tipping in America, but not out of obligation. “Thanks so much, Ansel.”
“It’s a pleasure. Thanks, Mr DiCaprio.”
We walk out, the kids helping each other to clasp their lockets, and we head towards the Ice Cream shop which is a two minute walk around the corner. Mia always gets vanilla or chocolate, and today she goes for a double scoop, and some sprinkles and chocolate sauce. Joe decides on mint choc chip because the “toothpaste taste” doesn’t bother him, and Bear gets raspberry in a tub with some strawberry sauce and a flake. We still get Bear’s in a tub because he can be counted on to get it everywhere, and tubs normally mean less clean up. I chose rum and raisin: your favourite, and a flake. It’s a sunny day, but there is a nice trickle of breeze that tousles through our hair. People are out in summer dresses, shorts, and sunglasses, and for once in England, it feels like summer.
“Thanks for today, dad. It’s been nice.” Joe exclaims, sporting a turquoise moustache, and a broad smile which I don’t think he’s worn since the music concert.
“You’re welcome. I hope you like your lockets. You all chose very nice styles.”
“I love mine because, daddy, it reminds me of mummy, and I love mummy.”
Love. Present tense. My heart skips a beat as I realise that I have been talking about you in the past tense for a year, but I didn’t just love you then, I still love you now. Even to the minute, to the second, to the millisecond. My heart still beats for you, Kate Winslet - DiCaprio.
“Are you okay, dad?” Mia asks, scrunching her eyes up and holding her hand to her forehead as she looks up at me.
“Yeah I’m okay.”
“Thinking about mum?”
I look off into the sky, watching the sunbeams cascade from the bluest skies I have ever seen you paint. A small smile tugs my lips upwards, and I nod.
“Always.”