daylight (jemily)

Chapter Twelve

"Ow!" JJ whined, pushing Emily back.

"Stop being a baby. It's not that bad," Emily laughed, pressing a kiss into the back of JJ's neck.

JJ's OBGYN had prescribed her with fertility shots before their next appointment to give her a higher chance of getting pregnant. Luckily, today was the last one.

"How about I stick a needle in your ass and then you can tell me how it feels?" JJ scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry," Emily sighed, turning JJ around to face her. She kissed her lips gently. "But that was the last one. Happy?"

"Very," JJ nodded. She leaned forward and rested her forehead into Emily's shoulder. "Do you think it's going to work?" she asked softly. The appointment was this afternoon, and JJ was starting to get nervous.

"I really don't know," Emily told her. She wrapped her arms around JJ's waist. "We just have to be patient. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. We'll move on from there."

JJ nodded. She knew that she shouldn't get her hopes up. That was only setting yourself up to be disappointed. But she couldn't help it, she wanted it to work so badly.

Emily took her over to the couch and they laid down together. She stared at JJ for a long time, running her eyes over the features of her face. It was something she'd always liked doing. She'd memorized every single detail about JJ.

"You want to see something?" Emily asked, grabbing her phone out of her back pocket. She scrolled through her photos and flipped it to show JJ when she got to the right one.

"Mia's school went on a field trip to the zoo, Mary chaperoned. She sent it to me last night," Emily told her. The picture was of Mia smiling brightly, standing in front of a lion's cage.

JJ was quiet. She stared at the picture for a long time. "I'm glad she's having fun," she finally said. She really did mean it. All she wanted was for Mia to be happy. It just hurt that she could never be a part of it.

___

JJ's appointment with Dr. Montgomery was nerve wracking, but it came and went. When they got home came the hard part. The waiting.

"Go lay down," Emily said to her the second they walked in the door. "You're supposed to be taking it easy for the next twenty-four hours."

JJ sighed and walked into their bedroom. She took off her jeans and threw them on the floor before crawling into bed. "I want to find out already," she groaned, laying face down in her pillow.

Emily laughed and crashed down in bed next to her. "I'm afraid you've got quite a wait ahead of you, my love," she smiled. She pulled JJ on top of her and kissed both of her cheeks. "You can't take the test for two weeks."

JJ rolled over, frowning. She wasn't the most patient person in the world.

"You'll be okay," Emily said, smoothing back her hair. "It'll go by before you know it."

"We agreed no telling the team, right?" JJ said. "At least not yet?"

"We can tell them whenever you're ready. I won't say anything, I promise," Emily told her.

They'd both agreed that they didn't want to talk about how they were trying for a baby, because it always seemed weird when other people did it. It just didn't seem like something everyone needed to know at the moment.

When Emily shifted positions, her shirt slid up. She caught JJ's eyes staring at the scar from where she'd been stabbed.

When she noticed that Emily caught her, she quickly looked away and tried to pretend like she wasn't doing anything.

"Does it bother you?" Emily asked, tilting JJ's face to look at hers. "Does it gross you out or something?"

"What?" JJ asked, taken aback. "No, of course not!" she said defensively. She had plenty of scars of her own, so she was in no position to judge.

"Then what is it? You're being weird about it," Emily told her. JJ wasn't one to be queasy around things like this, and she'd never acted this way before.

"It's not how it looks," JJ said softly. "I don't care about that stuff. You know that."

"Then tell me," Emily repeated. She wanted to know what had JJ so against looking at a simple scar.

"It's nothing, Emily. It's stupid. I'll stop, I'm sorry," JJ murmured. "It's definitely not nothing, and it probably isn't stupid. I don't want to ask you a hundred times for you to tell me what's bothering you," Emily said.

"I want a real answer, understand?" Emily told her. "What's going on with you?"

"It's just- every time I see it I remember that you almost died. And I don't like thinking about that, so I don't look at it," JJ finally said.

Emily cracked a smile when JJ told her. "Stop laughing at me. I told you it was stupid," JJ muttered, turning away from her.

"I'm not laughing at you, baby," Emily said, pulling her close again. "I'm glad you told me the truth."

"Why? So you can make fun of me? Forget about it," JJ scoffed. She felt hurt. Emily had never teased her about something like this.

Emily turned serious. "Hey," she said, turning JJ's face towards her again. "I am not making fun of you. I know how you feel, okay? I know that it's hard."

JJ still wouldn't look at her, and Emily realized she'd really hurt her feelings.

"I felt the same way too, did you know that?" Emily asked, tucking a strand of hair behind JJ's ear.

When she didn't respond, Emily continued. "Right after your abduction. When I saw the scar on your belly I would get so angry. But it wasn't because of the way it looked. It was because when I saw it, it reminded me of what Askari did to you. It made me want to shoot him again, it made me want to watch him suffer."

Emily watched JJ's breathing slow down, and that was how she could tell she'd calmed down a bit.

She continued to play with JJ's hair. "But soon, I realized I had to stop thinking like that. It wasn't going to change anything. Now when I see your scars, I just like to think about how strong you are. About how much you were able to overcome. It's a much better thought to have floating around."

JJ finally looked up at her. "Then why did you laugh at me?" she asked quietly.

"I was not laughing at you," Emily repeated. "I just laughed because you reminded me of myself. Usually, we're very different people, so I thought it was funny when I realized you were doing the exact same thing I did a year ago."

Emily gently kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry that I upset you, I didn't mean to," she said.

"It's okay," JJ said softly. She cuddled closer into Emily's arms.

"Alright, then stop pouting. This is supposed to be a happy day," Emily said, tickling JJ's side. She squirmed and giggled, trying to get away. "I'm happy!" she squealed, wiggling out of her grip. "I'm very happy! See?" she pointed to an exaggerated grin on her face as she tried not to laugh.