daylight (jemily)

Chapter Thirty Five

It had been two long months since the attack, and JJ was finally able to get back to work.

The physical therapy was not easy, and neither was passing the many exams she needed to go back. She did it all nonetheless. She needed to go back.

"Jayje?" Emily asked as she made her way down the stairs, go-bag in hand. JJ stopped her. "If you're about to give me a speech, I don't want to hear it."

"Fine," Emily rolled her eyes. "Ready to go?" She was nearly more nervous about JJ going back than JJ herself was.

"Yes," JJ said, slipping on her shoes. They headed out to the car together. Emily refrained from making any comments about how JJ was feeling, wanting it to just seem like a normal day. She knew the more the pushed, the more JJ would close up about it.

When they arrived at the BAU, they were greatly warmly by the team. Emily had previously texted everyone and told them not to say anything like, 'I'm sorry,' or 'how are you feeling?' She knew it would only make JJ feel weird.

They were able to quickly delve deep into a case. Somehow it was refreshing to be completely immersed in something other than their own problems.

They were headed to Maine, not too far away. The jet ride wasn't going to be long. After the quick briefing was over, the team packed up their stuff and headed to the airstrip.

The talked over the whole thing on the short ride. The case involved two young boys who had gone missing from the bus stop two weeks apart. There was no ransom, no one seeming to have any relation at all.

The team threw around ideas, but nothing solid yet. Their conversation was cut short when the jet landed and they all headed to the police station.

They met with the head detective on the case and set their stuff up in the conference room. The whole time, JJ tried to act like it was just any other case. She wanted to get right back in without missing a beat. It should be like riding a bike, right?

The first day didn't consist of much. It was mostly interviews and going back to the crime scene, really getting a feel for the situation.

It was around ten pm when everyone decided to head back to the hotel rooms.

When Emily and JJ arrived in their shared hotel room, they both set their stuff down and began to get ready for bed.

When Emily finished showering and getting changed, JJ was already laying down in bed. "Tired?" Emily asked, crawling in next to her.

"Yeah," JJ yawned, pulling the blankets over herself. As much as Emily wanted to talk to her, and ask her how she was feeling, she knew that she shouldn't. She didn't want JJ to feel anymore stress than she had to.

She just gently kissed her and said goodnight before shutting off the lights and going to bed herself.

___

After four days they had caught the man responsible, and recovered the two boys alive. Although they would have to live with that trauma forever, the fact that they were able to save them was a win in everybody's eyes.

On the jet ride home, almost everybody slept peacefully. Emily didn't, however. She lay awake by the window and read silently.

Around halfway through the ride, Derek slipped into the seat across from her. "How's JJ?" he asked. "The first case back must have been hard for her."

Emily looked over the the aisle across from her, where JJ was passed out. "She doesn't want to talk about it. She did great, I just never know how she's really feeling."

"I mean she's going through a lot. You both are," he nodded. "Is she really serious about the no kids thing?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders. "Seemed like it to me. I don't blame her. I don't think either of us could take another loss like this," she sighed.

"And you're fine with that? Never having kids?" Derek probed at her.

Emily twirled a strand of her hair. "It's not like I always imagined myself with kids. I wanted them before, but after this... I don't know. But I know that I can live without a kid. I can't live without JJ. It's not fair to try and put her through this again."

"I understand that," Derek nodded. "But I just find it so hard to believe that JJ truly doesn't want kids. She loved being a mom so much."

Emily shook her head. "We have two kids bedrooms that sit in our house and collect dust. She won't let me change a thing," she told him. "I guess I don't know what she really wants, or if I think that she's going to change her mind. All I know is that I can't push her into something she's not ready for."

Before they could say anything else, JJ woke up. She got up from her seat and sat down next to Emily. "What're you guys talking about?" she asked, noticing how silent it had got.

"Nothing," Emily shrugged. "Did you get any sleep?"

"A little," she nodded. "Are we landing soon?"

"Should be only a few more minutes," Emily told her, looking down at her watch. Just as she said it, they all felt the jet start to lower.

The jet landed about fifteen minutes later, everyone beginning to wake up. When they were finally on the ground, everyone grabbed their stuff and started to get off.

Emily and JJ said goodbye to the team before getting in their car. "I was thinking about picking up takeout for dinner," Emily said. "Where do you want to go?"

"Dinner?" JJ asked. "It's like after midnight."

"Call it a late dinner, or an early breakfast. I don't care. Where do you want to eat?" Emily laughed softly, turning on the car.

"I don't know," JJ shrugged. "You can pick."

Emily shook her head, knowing that it was dumb to ask JJ to decide. She could never make a choice.

She ended up driving to Panda Express, which was always a safe bet. JJ seemed happy with it as well, so Emily believed that her mind reading had worked.

They ate together in the car and then finally headed home. It was about one in the morning when they finally made it inside. They were both exhausted.

JJ immediately went upstairs and stripped from her work clothes. She crawled into bed in just her underwear.

Emily smiled as she put on a pair of pajama shorts and a t-shirt. "You don't want to shower? Or put on clothes?"

"No," JJ mumbled from the bed. "And don't judge me for that."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she laughed, climbing into bed next to her. Emily wanted so badly to ask her how she was feeling, or if she was okay. She wanted to know if JJ was struggling, and she just didn't want to show it. Her first case back must've affected her, right?

Nonetheless, Emily stopped herself. JJ would talk when she was ready to.