rainbow Umbrella

20

Siguro totoo nga na Im too dependable with him, totoong naka depende na ako sa kanya. Alam kong mahirap na din labanan ang nararamdaman ko. Sanay na ako na parang gusto kong sa akin lang talaga siya, na walang iba at ako lang. I was watching him how to play basket ball, eto na ang last day ng intrams and I'll enjoy this day. Nanalo pala sila kahapon, Im so proud of them, of course. We celebrated to their house pero umuwi din ako ng maaga 'cause social gathering is not for me.

Im so excited to 'cause there's a band going to school, so we'll be going home late. Im with my friends kaya kampante ako na late umuwi isa pa ay gusto ko din manood ng banda.

I was focused on the game when his phone beep, he asked me to hold his things. We're cheering them earlier but I took a break because I feel like I'm about to run out of voice, kanina pa kasi ako sigaw nang sigaw. I didn't intend to look at it but I was curious so I looked at the screen.

Chloe
—babe, meet me at the entrance later. Let's talk about what happened last night.

'Huh? he has Chloe's number?.'

I laughed sarcastically. 'Of course, Sam. Play dumb.'

I didn't pay attention to that but I know that the words I read are still in my mind, Im confused right now, he said they are not together? he said they were not flirting. is he just fooling me? and what happened last night?

I made an excuse to leave the court, I also left Ainsleigh's things with Elle because Im not in the mood now. I went straight to the back of the room where there was a big tree where I always go when I want to think or need some fresh air.

'What was that? Anong pag uusapan nila?.'

Siguro tama nga sila na, masakit talagang mag mahal ng lalaking hindi sigurado sa nararamdaman niya sa'yo. Siguro totoo na he's just curious about me pero hindi niya talaga ako magugustuhan.

'tangina naman e.'

Pinalis ko ang luhang tumulo galing sa mata ko, lagi nalang akong umiiyak ng dahil sa kanya, lagi niya nalang akong pinag mumukhang tanga. Lagi nalang akong nag hahanap ng sagot kahit na alam ko naman talaga ang totoo.

'bakit ba ang dali sa inyong saktan ako?.'

I was always asking that, why is it so easy for them, for him to hurt me like this? Am I that really hard to love? Baka nga. Baka mahirap talaga akong mahalin, baka nga hindi niya lang talaga ako kayang mahalin.

This is not like the one I watch and read, this is not the love that I want. Why does it seem so hard when it comes to me? Maybe I was expecting more, because that's what he made me feel. Dahil 'yon ang pinaparating ng bawat kilos at salita niya. Actions without words are confusing, but Actions and Words are more confusing without a valid assurance. Without a proper label.

I was crying like a child, para tuloy akong tanga dahil hindi ko mapigil ang luha ko. My phone vibrate a while ago pero hindi ko magawang tignan kung sino 'yon dahil sa bigat ng nararamdaman ko.

Im sobbing when I look at my phone, I have a message request. I curiously click the message to saw the picture that broke my heart into pieces.

"So this is what happened last night." It was a message from Chloe. I know she's smiling right now 'cause she hurt me. My heart is too fragile for this.

I was there crying my heart out loud for about an hour now, If ever this three can talk, sinabihan na niya ako na ang tanga tanga ko dahil nag settle ako sa ganitong set up na alam kong masasaktan din ako.

My eyes were swollen now, hindi ko tuloy alam kung paano ko itatago ang pamamaga non, para akong batang umiyak dahil iniwan ako ng nanay ko.

It will hurt even more kapag nakita ko na siya, kapag nakaharap ko na siya. Alam kong tapos na din ang game pero wala akong balak bumalik don, parang gusto ko nalang umuwi pero nangako akong sasama manood ng banda sa kanila. No one knows that I was here, alam kong hinahanap na din nila ako dahil nararamdaman ko ang walang tigil na pag vibrate ng phone ko.