rainbow Umbrella

24

Tears streamed down my face, shoulders shaking with the force of my sobs. I really felt alone, the weight of the pain is crushing my heart. I hold my chest the pain was too much.

I curled into a ball on the bed, clutching a pillow to my chest as I prayed for the darkness to swallow me whole. But it didn't come. The pain remained, a constant presence that refused to let me escape its grasp. And so I lay there, crying and suffering alone in the silence of the night.

I remember that day she leaves this world. It was like yesterday. It was a dark and dreary day, much like the heaviness that consumed my heart. I stood by her bedside, holding her hand as she took her last breath.

Dalawang linggo na din ang nag daan simula nung mawala siya, I didn't know that she's in pain, na tinatago niya lang sa akin 'yon. Hindi ko alam na may sakit na pala siya.

'Mom left me, naiwan nanaman akong mag isa.'

' how can I survive without her?. '

Sa ilang araw na nag luluksa ako ay walang dumating na ama para damayan ako, wala kahit anino o kahit paramdam man lang. Alam kong alam niya kung anong nangyayari, pinili niya lang talagang alisin ang pake sa akin.

It's been two weeks since she left me, she left this world without saying anything, without saying to me that she's in pain. She keeps on smiling na akala ko okay lang ang lahat, na okay na kami na kami lang. Paano na ako ngayong wala na siya? It hurts a lot dahil wala man lang akong naitulong sa mga araw na nasasaktan at nag hihirap siya, nasasaktan ako dahil wala siyang sinabi, dahil wala akong alam. Dahil pinapakita niyang okay lang lahat.

Two weeks, two weeks na din akong nag skip ng class. Elle, Calvin and Ice are worried about me, I know. I can feel it, araw araw nila akong pinupuntahan at walang sawang nag hihintay na lumabas ako sa kwarto at pag buksan sila nang pinto, araw araw nag hahatid nang notes si Elle at sinasabing pumasok na ako dahil marami akong na missed na activities, pinapalalahanan na wag akong mag papagutom at nandyan sila kapag kailangan ko sila. I don't know what to feel, walang tigil ang luha ko sa pag patak, ni hindi ko na nga nakilala ang sarili kong boses dahil wala akong kinakausap kahit sino, Manang forcing me to eat everyday pero parang wala din akong gana sa lahat.

I missed her, I miss how she hug me, kung paano kami nag sasabay sa hapag kainan and our memories together. How I wish na I can go back to the old days.

I closed my eyes, waiting for myself to calm down. I hug my knee while my head rests on it. Leaning against the back door letting my emotions to pass off.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakatulog ng gabing iyon pero ang alam ko ay hinayaan kong kainin ako ng madilim na paligid.

A FEW more days passed before I forced myself to move forward, they were right, nothing would happen if I shut myself up. It still hurts me, I don't know how I can accept everything, pero alam kong hindi pa naman dito natatapos ang lahat.

I woke up early that day, nag ayos at pinilit lagyan ng ngiti ang aking mga labi. Bumaba at kumain, dati rati ay may sasalubong sa aking ngiti at itatanong kung kamusta ang tulog ko, sasabayan akong kumain at makikipag kwentuhan kung anong nangyari sa araw ko. I sighed and cleared my throat. Hindi na muna ako iiyak, ayaw ko na munang umiyak.

"Maayos na ba ang pakiramdam mo?." Manang asked while pouring water on my glass. Tahimik lamang akong tumango, hindi naman nakatakas sa akin ang pag aalala na kumawala sa kanyang mukha.

' Im fine, I will be fine. '

After I eat dumiretso agad ako sa garahe at nagpahatid sa driver namin. I know I missed a lot of activities and It won't be easy for me to catch up.