Rainbow Umbrella

25

I said to myself that I'll try to move forward but the world is not always in my favor. Hindi nga talaga lahat ng bagay ay sasang-ayon sa iyo.

Umuwi ako ng hapon na 'yon, ang akala ko ay hindi na ako iiyak dahil naiyak ko na lahat pero hindi pala. May mas sasakit pa pala na makita ko siya na kaharap ko ngayon na parang walang nangyari sa taong naging parte din naman ng buhay niya.

I went straight in, I would have ignored his presence but my feet were nailed when I saw that he was not alone. I laughed sarcastically and faced him.

"Really? After my mother's death? that's exactly what you're going to bring here." I'm trying to keep my voice down.

I want to scold him, I want to be angry. I thought the pain was over, totoo nga na umpisa palang 'to ng sakit.

I finally got their attention, there was no trace of shame or anything on the woman's face. She seems to be happy with what she's doing.

'What a slut.'

"SAMIR!" Mataas ang boses na saad nito pero hindi ako nagpatinag.

"From now on, your Tita Mica and your half brother will stay here with us. Since this house is mine, ako naman talaga dapat ang mag desisyon."

Nakatingin lamang ako sa kanya, ramdan na ramdan ang pag pipigil ng luha na papatak mula sa mata ko.

'half brother?'

Im so confuse right now. Para akong tinakasan ng katotohanan. Wala akong makuhang ni isang sagot.

"You gave me no choice." my voice was raspy.

The woman was looking at us, trying to calm Dad who was also holding back his anger. When it comes to me, he is always angry, always impatient. But for others he is a perfect father. Napukaw naman ang atensyon ko sa pag bukas ng front door kaya mapaharap ako doon.

'What the fuck!'

If it was possible to break my heart, maybe that's what happened to my heart right now, Im not yet rcovered from everything. And here it is now? Wow! The world really loves me.

"Respect her Samir, stop this nonsense." the authority of his voice echoed at yun din ang dahilan ng pag pintig ng tenga ko.

"Respect? do you even respect me? Did you even ask me if I'm fine with them being here?" Tuluyan ng tumulo ang luha ko, hindi mapigil lahat ng emosyon na gustong kumawala.

"I mourned for mom alone, because you were busy...you were busy with them. kakamatay lang ni mom, dad. tapos hihingi ka sa akin ng respeto pagkatapos mong dalhin 'yang kabit mo dito? Bigyan mo naman ako ng pahinga." Madiin na sabi ko. Naramdaman ko naman ang pag hapdi ng pisngi ko, nalasahan ko din dugo mula sa bibig ko dahil sa mabigat na kamay nito.

I saw Ainsleigh wanted to come closer but her Mom stopped her, the grin couldn't escape my lips.

'You are worried after you destroyed our family. How ironic.'

"Stop being dramatic and respect my decision. What do you expect? that I cried too? Your mom and I are divorced, you should be thankful because I'm still here and taking care of you."

It's like my mouth has its own brain to speak, hindi pa nadala sa sampal na natamo kanina. "Ganyan ba ang pag papakatatay? because for me no, you always said that don't disappoint me, make me proud. But, did you ever ask me if im fine? did you ever ask me if im struggling with school? you didn't asked because you're too busy with your own family. We didn't even have a photo together. You can be a father to others, but not to me. did you even consider me as your daughter for once?."