Outside the Fortress Grif was debriefing the Reds on what absurdity he just witnessed.
Simmons: Okay, so let me get this straight... they were talking... to the bomb.
Steve: And that they were serenading it, a bomb of all things.
Grif: Guys, I don't know. They mentioned something about candles, yoga and a bubble bath, and they were playing some kind of a New Age CD. It's like a Yanni fan club meeting.
Steve: It sounds like they're setting up a spa, for a freaking bomb!
Sarge: That makes no sense at all. Did you wanna translate for us Pinky Pants?
Donut: My guess is that they're trying to get the bomb to do something for'em.
Simmons: And all that sweet talk and candles will work on a bomb.
Donut: It would work on me!
Steve: So the bomb is an AI then? Well, that's just perfect! *sarcastic*
Sarge: Doncha see what they're tryin' to do?
Grif: No. Isn't that the point of this conversation?
Sarge: The Blues are obviously trying to coax the bomb into rearming. They're about to launch an attack. On us!
Grif: Why would they do that?
Sarge: Because they're Blues. Somebody get this kid the manual.
Simmons: Oh-ho, I hate the Blues.
Sarge: That's the spirit Simmons.
Steve: Wait I thought we had a temporary truce with them?
Sarge: It's called temporary for a reason Steve! And they've shown their treachery towards us!
On the Fortress's Beach there were many brown robots all lined up and armed with plasma rifles.
O'Malley: Hoohoohoohohahaha. And now the hour is at hand. It is time, my robot minions.
Doc: He means robot miniones. Where's your cultural sensitivity?
O'Malley: Oh shut up. At last, we will seize our destiny!
Doc: Do we really have to seize destiny? Can't we just invite it to join our online circle of friends?
O'Malley: Quiet you fool. And quit sending me those invites. They're repulsive. Prepare for battle! We will break upon their fortress like an evil wind!
Doc: Oh.
O'Malley: Crushing our opponents with lightning speed! Attack!
Robot Army: Charge.
Then the Robot Army started walking slowly forward.
O'Malley: You there, hurry along. And you in the back. You- Lopez, can't you speed them up?
Lopez: >This is their maximum velocity.<
O'Malley: This isn't what I asked for.
Lopez: >You said you wanted a day of victory. At this speed, they will win in exactly 24 hours.<
O'Malley: Heuh...
A Robot: Charge.
Meanwhile, inside the Fortress the Blues were still calming Andy the bomb down.
YOU ARE READING
Red Vs Blue And The Corporal Season 3
FanfictionThe Reds and the Blues continue on their perilous adventure to stop the evil AI O'Malley, somehow their journey gets ever more chaotic and yet hilarious as somehow they end up in the future in their pursuit. All characters and rights go to Roosterte...
