Black Veil Brides ~ one shots

Fuck.My.Life - Cashley

Warning: self-harm

CC's POV

Fuck. My. Life. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about my miserable life. I felt hideous and gross. I could feel a panic attack coming, and that only made me more upset. A soundless sob escape me, as I fell down on the bathroom floor. Why am I still around? My band would do so much better without me. They could find a drummer way better than me. I looked down at my thighs they were littered with scars and scratch marks. There were no fresh cuts only faded ones. I had been clean for almost four months, but the thought of the little piece of metal seemed so tempting.

"Praying for what your heart brings
Thoughts of escape and bloodshot eyes
You're barely sleeping, no longer dreaming
Now what you do to feel alive."

I felt like I was going to be sick and I could feel blood running to my head. The room were spinning around me as my shaking hand reached out for the blade. Am I having a heart attack? I wonder if this is how it feels to die? I wonder what Ashley is doing? Probably not thinking about me. Honestly who would? I am a failure. A pathetic excuse for a human. Would they care if I died? Probably not. They are having more fun without me.

"Scream! Shout! We are the fallen angels" My phone started ringing, stopping my endless train of thoughts. I panicked and dropped the blade in my hand. I saw it read Ash and picked it up. "What's u-up?" I said trying to sound as happy as possible, obviously failing as my voice cracked. "The sky" my best friend Ashley laughed, obviously not noticing my bad state. "I was wondering if I could come over?" he asked enthusiastically. I whimpered quietly at the thought of him seeing me like this. "Chubby? Are you all right?" he asked, he sounded concerned. "O-of course, why wouldn't I be?" I mumbled, my voice shaking. "Dude you're obviously not okay, I'm coming over right now" and with that he hung up. His hurt voice made me despise myself even more.
I tried to calm myself down and wipe my tears away, but that only resulted in me falling into the wall and scraping my back. I shivered at the sudden contact with the cold wall, and I could feel my heartbeat becoming faster. I heard the door opening and Ashley calling my name. A muffled cry left my lips as a piercing pain shot through my chest. I heard footsteps outside the bathroom door and soon after Ashley made his way towards me. "Oh chubby" he sighed as he sat down beside me and wrapped his arms around me.

After he had rocked me back and forth for a while, I started to calm down. "A panic attack?" he asked quietly. I nodded and buried my face in his t-shirt. "Christian why is there a blade on the floor?" he asked. I cringed at the use of my real name, and clutched the fabric of his shirt. "Do you... you know" he whispered. "Not for four months but I... I felt like doing it again" I stuttered. "Why?" he questioned. "You guys could do so much better without me..." I stammered, "and you could never love me the way I love you" I whispered, hoping for him not to hear. "You... you love... me?" he asked. I flushed as I realized I was sitting on his lap basically straddling him. I coughed awkwardly as I was about to move away from him, but he just wrapped his arms around my waist. I stared at him with wide eyes. I could feel my cheeks going hot. "So you do, you do have feelings for me?" he asked. I nodded, desperately trying to hide behind my hair. He lifted me up and sat me on the bathroom counter, my legs still wrapped around him. He cupped my cheek and slowly leaned in. He connected our lips in a sweet kiss that quickly turned hearted. There were a bit of awkward teeth touching, but that is how kissing is. His hands found their way down to my jeans, and quickly unzipped them. He started to pull them down but stopped suddenly and looked down at my thighs. A wave of guilt hit me, as I saw his hurt expression. He hugged me tightly as he saw the tears brimming my eyes. I stood up and pulled my pants pack on. "I-Is okay if we just cuddle?" I asked while looking at the floor. "Of course it is chubby, you mean everything to me, and if that's what you want then that's okay" he said as he once again connected our lips.