Chapter - 63

599 33 1
                                        

Romero
------------

'Romero,

My precious son,

If you are reading this letter it probably means that Akira wasn't able to persuade you, not that I blame her, I knew it wasn't going to be easy but that beautiful girl was so optimistic that I let myself have some hope and that hope is the best gift I have received in a long, long time.

Your girlfriend is so kind and lovely, and I'm so glad that you have found someone like her in your life, someone who is always going to stand by your side, someone who will be there for you through highs and lows. She is such positive energy that her presence alone gives me the courage courage to write this letter and to finally confess my sins.

I know it might have looked like I left you when you were so young but that's not true. I just wanted some time and space to gather myself together, I was always  going to come back. I would never leave you. If you can't believe anything else then just believe it.

You're my son and I love you. You are my most treasured gift and you will always be. Nothing and no one can ever take your place in my heart.

So trust me that I never meant to leave you like that, when I left the only thing I had in my mind was to get away from James.

I loved James very much. When we got married things were so good at first that it felt like heaven but it slowly turned into hell when he started lying to me about his episodes and then he started taking drugs to control them. It only made him worse. I still tried to love your father but over the years he had become an abusive person and it was hard to pretend to be okay when it was anything but. I tried to shield you from all the ugliness but I know I wasn't always able to do so.

That night also he was in one of his moods, a state where nothing could penetrate him. I had you locked up so you wouldn't witness him like that. He wasn't James or your father then, he had become a monster fuelled by rage and jealousy.

I took it as much I could until it became unbearable. I was only a human with a breaking point and that was mine. I just wanted to leave. He wouldn't let me take you so I left, without you.

And I don't regret it.

Because if I had taken you with me, God knows what would have happened.

On my way I met with an accident that put me in coma for a long time and when I woke up after five years, I didn't have any memory of my life.

And even then, when I didn't know who I was or where I came from, I always felt something missing in my heart. Even while I was recovering I knew that an important part of me was lost to me. I always had this gut wrenching feeling that that part was being left behind.

It took me a lot of time to recall everything but by that time it was too late, you didn't want anything to do with me. You still don't.

You hate me but that's alright, I hate myself too, for forgetting you, for not being there when you needed me so badly.

What kind of mother forgets her own son?

You can continue to hate me, I will learn to live with that and you don't have to meet me if you don't want to. I am writing it so I can finally tell you everything so that you would know that your mother never abandoned you. You were and you are so so loved, my dear, son. I can't let you think that you are not enough when in fact you are so much more.

I love you.

Mom.

• • •

Always RomiraWhere stories live. Discover now