Her Mom Likes Girls

19

My hands gripped the steering wheel as I tried to regain my composure. I felt so embarrassed that I couldn't look Jamie in the eyes.

"Are you okay, Peyton?" Jamie asked. I felt tears in my eyes and tried to wipe them away.

"I'll be fine," I mumbled. "Can you please not say anything about this to anyone? I don't think I can handle—"

"I would never," she said softly.

"I appreciate that." Tears trickled down my cheeks and blurred my vision. "There's tissues in my glove box, do you mind?" I asked Jamie.

She opened the compartment and handed me a few. "Is there anything I can do, Peyton? I'm worried about you."

"I'll be fine, Jamie. Besides, I'm not the only one who should be upset right now. You should be too."

Jamie sighed. "I'm hurt. But I'll get over it. We haven't been dating for long, but you're married to—"

"I know. I don't know how I'm going to handle this," I said.

"You don't deserve this, Peyton. I'm sorry you're going through this."

"I should've known." I shook my head, rethinking the past few months. "I can't imagine how long she's been doing this. Honestly, it's probably been years. Probably over a decade, can you believe that? She's been doing this the whole time, and I never knew. I never suspected anything."

"You had no way of knowing, Peyton." Jamie placed her hand against my shoulder reassuringly. I felt chills run through me.

"What did Audrey tell you?" I asked.

"About what?"

I took a glance at Jamie, "you know what I'm talking about. What happened between her and my wife?"

"You should probably ask Sam—"

"I want to hear it from Audrey's point of view."

"Peyton—"

"Please, Jamie. Just tell me."

Jamie took a deep breath. "When Audrey pulled me away to talk, she disclosed that she knew Sam from the sex bar. I was shocked, to say the least. I didn't know that Audrey was into that stuff. I mean, I guess I should've known. She is kinky in bed. But I never thought she liked stuff like that." I felt uneasy hearing about their kinky sex life. I brushed the discomfort aside and focused on how mad I was at my wife. "Audrey said they've slept together in the past, and also had a recent encounter with the same person."

"A threesome?"

"I think it was more of an orgy," Jamie said.

I swallowed hard. I never knew that Sam was into that stuff.

"And all this happened at the club?" I asked.

"I don't know. Audrey didn't get into that much detail."

"But they have slept together?"

"From what Audrey said, yes."Jamie's confirmation made me sick to my stomach. I didn't want to believe it. "Are you, are you going to talk to Sam about it?"

I stared at the road in front of me. "I don't think I have a choice."

"I'm sorry, Peyton."

"Don't be." I shook my head nervously. "It's sick. I've been feeling so guilty about just thinking about you, just to find out my wife's been cheating on me... and with your frickin' girlfriend too. It's just sickening."

"You've been thinking about me?" Jamie asked, her voice shy and hesitant.

"I have. I thought I was the worse person in the world. Now I just feel stupid."

I pulled over in front of Jamie's apartment building. Turning to her, I noticed her glossy, curious eyes. "I never thought you would ever be interested in me," she said.

I closed my eyes. "I don't know why I told you that. I'm sorry."

"No, please, don't." Jamie leaned forward. "I'm not trying to be disrespectful. But would you possibly want to come inside?"

I smiled at Jamie and reached for her face. I noticed the excitement in her eyes, as though my answer would change her life.

But I wasn't that woman.

"No. I can't." I caressed her cheek softly, feeling my heart pull in different directions. "I'm married, I can't."

"I'm sorry, I—" Jamie tried to reach for the door, but I stopped her. "Peyton—"

"Are you really interested in me?" I asked her.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought it was just me—feeling things. Things I shouldn't feel."

"About me?" Jamie asked. "I thought I was very obvious, honestly." She laughed nervously.

"Maybe you were. I guess Hailey caught on to you first."

"You really didn't know that Hailey was referring to us?"

I shrugged. "I don't know what I thought, honestly. You're so young, I didn't think you'd ever be interested in me like that."

"I've always had a crush on you, Peyton. Since I was in high school."

I looked carefully at her. "I find that hard to believe." I felt pressure surround my chest.

"I can't say that I'm too thrilled for your marriage to work out."

I reached for Jamie's hand and held on. "Jamie, I am very interested in you. I can't stop thinking about you most of the time. It drives me crazy. It drives me crazier that I'm telling you this. But I'm married. I've loved Sam for more than half my life. We have a daughter together. We have a life together. I don't know how I'm going to handle not being with her. She's been my life for so long, I can't imagine living without her. And then there's you. And there's her infidelities. But I can't say that I don't want my marriage to work, because I do. And you deserve someone who can be with you. Not me—a married woman."

Tears filled Jamie's eyes. "You're going to stay with her?"

I swallowed hard and let go of Jamie's hand. "I'm going to try my best to make my marriage work."

"Okay."

I tried to find Jamie's eyes but she wouldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry, Jamie."

"No. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I—"

"I want you just as bad as you want me. But I want my marriage to work even more."

"If you feel that way, how is your marriage ever going to work? If you feel that way about me?"

"I don't know. Sam and I have a lot of work on."

Jamie reached for the door and I didn't stop her. "I guess I hope you do work out then. If that is what you really want," Jamie said.

"It is."

Jamie finally looked at me and smiled softly, tears in her eyes. "Thanks for bringing me home, Peyton." Jamie closed the door and I watched her walk to her apartment.

When she vanished behind her apartment's door, I finally cried.

I felt absolutely powerless.