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- Chapter 20: Not strong enough -

Hehehehe angsty song fic chapter

!!BL00D WARNING!!

Black hole opened in the kitchen.
Every clock's a different time.
It would only take the energy to fix it.

Making duck in his room thinking that it was still early, clearly not. Lucifer sat there, dealing with his thoughts, his...depression. It felt like he was being sucked into a black hole. 1.36 am, marked the clock, as he turned his gaze over to it, checking how "early" he thought it was. He didn't have much energy though, as he slowly got up, placing the unfinished duck in the "unfinished" shelf. 

I don't know why I am,
the way I am, not strong enough to be your man.I try, I can't stop staring at the ceiling fan and,spinning out about things that haven't happened.Breathing in and out.

Questioning why he was like this. A bad father figure with depression who only made ducks when it got really bad. The reason why sin made it's way up to Earth, his Father's creation. He didn't want to be like that. Figured that not being strong enough to face his own problems was the reason Lilith left him alone, taking his dear daughter with her. He tried  being better, he really does. Was his attempts that bad? He plopped himself onto the bed, staring at his ceiling fan, taking deep breaths, in and out. Would it have been better if such being like him was never created?...

Drag racing through the canyon,
singing "Boys Don't Cry"...
Do you see us getting scraped up off the pavement?

Standing up and walking over to his desk, he opens his drawer and takes out the picture of himself and his dear brother, the one he still loved dearly to this day, Michael. Remembering like if it was yesterday they were flying, racing through the most highest and loveliest clouds of Heaven, as tears formed in the corners of his eyes. Surely enough, wiped away the tears, putting on a smile, singing "Boy's don't cry" over and over again. Nether the less, that is how he unfortunately, was raised by God and the High Seraphim, always told to not cry and put on his brightest smile. Now the fallen angel wonders if his "family" watches over him, seeing a failure such as him getting "scraped up off the pavement".

I don't know why I am,the way I am, not strong enough to be your man.
I lie, I am just lowering your expectations.
Half a mind that keeps the other second guessing.
Close my eyes and count.

Fully regretting his past actions, but at the same time, somewhat glad he did that, standing up for his dreams and beliefs. He wouldn't have had his beloved devil's spawn, his little Charlie, who's also a lovely dreamer. He doesn't understand why he is like that, regretting stuff but cherishing them too. Probably one of the reason's his wife left him alone for centuries. Always lying to himself, "Things will get better! She will come back! My depression is not that bad! I'm normal...". Was that all true? No it wasn't. Did he wish it was? His mind doesn't know, it never does. Closing his eyes, imagining good stuff that never happened, as tears fell down his face, staining his red dimples.

Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.

'Why was i never allowed to share my ideas, my dreams? I wanted to be like the elders too..." the fallen angel, now fallen into a bad state of depression, thought. 'Alastor was right, I'm a horrible father figure. The elders were right about me. My dreams will never be good enough... I'll never be good enough. Father was right, I'm only an angel, and that's what I'll keep being... an angel, a fallen one. Never to be taken seriously, like a god. The fallen angel brought his hand up to his chest, his eyes squinting, tears falling down, his smile fading, as he now clutched his fist onto his chest.

Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.

Opened his eyes to see the fell taken cared of picture of him and his brother. He took the picture in his hand, eyes now filled with rage and hatred. He threw the picture to the wall, shattering it completely. "Why did you have to betray me like this Michael?!" He shouted, and tears drowned his face. He punched the wall in front of him several times until his fists and the wall where covered in blood. His back against the wall now, he fell to the floor, curling himself into a ball, hugging his knees which were up to his chest. He let out an ear piercing scream, causing all of Hell to shake and crumble.

Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.

Face now tear stained, he gets up and spreads his wings, knowing that Charlie and his friends would now check up on him. Not wanted his dear daughter to see him in this state and worry her, he flew out the window, escaping his own room. He remained flying around the hotel, trying to calm down and look more presentable. He spotted Charlie, looking outside the hotel worried. something didn't feel right...

Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god.
Always an angel, never a god....

From the corner of his eyes, he spotted an exterminator, Lute, with an angelic weapon. Vaggie seemed to have also noticed and stepped behind Charlie's back, protecting her fiancé. Like a father, his instinct was only one...

 Always an angel, never a god.

Charlie and Vaggie somehow remained safe. They have been spared, or were they? Curious to look up and see what happened, Vaggie lifted her to see Lucifer in front of them. She sighed, relieved that Lucifer had saved them. Panic soon washed over her when she looked at the floor and saw a puddle of golden liquid. The king of Hell, her fiancé's father, stood in front of them, protecting them like a parent would, taking the blow. Charlie looked at her father, tears violently flowing through her face.

I don't know why I am the way I am.
There's something in the static, I think I've been having revelations.
Comin' to, in the front seat, nearly empty.
Skip the exit to our old street and go home.

Lucifer collapsed, falling. It felt like if he was just casted out of Heaven. Before reaching the floor, his daughter caught him in time, embracing him in a warm hug, being careful to not worsen his wound. He like this, even if his daughter was crying the life out of her, even if he was in critical condition. The hotel members, Husk, Angel, Nifty, Cherry, even Alastor, stood at the entrance, still processing what was happening, while his daughter and her fiancé trying their best to save him. He finally realized why he was this way, as a smile came across his face. He would do anything to protect his loved ones... maybe it was time to go in with the new and out with the old, accepting reality and himself. He may not be strong enough for Heaven, but for those he loved, he was, and that is what matters. His vision became blurry, as he now had lost much blood, but that didn't stop him from telling his daughter one last thing...

Go home alone...

"If I die, move on. Remember now darling... I'll shelter and adore you more than anything..."

"DAD!..."

Everything became a blur after that... Everything went black...

Don't worry, I ain't killing Luci, he just passed out due to blood lost.

Thank you guys for 4K read! I love you guys so much, keep commenting, the comments are hilarious.

Also don't mind any grammar mistake, hehehe.