Incorrect Quotes and Shenanigans ft ICT

Too Sober for This

It is the November of 2014 and the team has just landed in Australia for the test match series. One Ravi Shastri has been called back as the director of cricket for the team again after 7 years. The last time he had worked with the Indian team had been crazy, chaotic and stressful. He knows to not expect too much from this lot either. And yet on the very first morning, before their practice session, they have managed to disturb him. This is how it went.

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Ravi is having his morning tea. There is bustle of activity on the breakfast table. The players and staff were milling around, talking to their friends, watching things on their devices as they waited on others to get done. Despite the buzz of noise around him, it actually feels nice, though something in him warns him it's a trap.

He sighs in content and makes to take a long sip when Virat, grinning widely as he watches something on his IPad, causes the tea to enter the wrong pipe: Hey guys, when I get killed, can you make sure it remains a mystery?

Rohit frowns, rubbing his back as he coughs: Why?

Virat still grinning, looking entirely too excited for the words he is saying, hands him a glass of water: I want to end up on buzzfeed unsolved.

Ravi gulps the water down until he can breath: Excuse me, Can we go back to the part where he said "When I get killed" not "if"

Ajinkya snorts: Oh no that's not a surprise. The only way this cockroach is dying is by murder.

They all make noises of agreement.

Rohit hmms too but adds: Though it will most probably be me.

Ravi is about to reprimand them for how they are all talking murder but Virat talks over him: Will you make it a mystery?

Rohit puts his spoon down and leans forward all business-like: How mysterious do you want it? Cuz I'm warning you I am too lazy for anything too elaborate.

Virat scrunches his eyebrows in thought: Umm, not too much, just enough to take over all news channels.

Jaddu: You anyway take over all news channels

Virat: Yeah but this time I am choosing to be on there. So my Ro bear, will you help me become an episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved?

Rohit picks his spoon up again, giving in: Hmm, I will see what I can do about that.

Ravi shakes his head. This fucking generation he swore to God.

MS walks up to them, smiling in greeting before taking a seat: Hey, what are you guys talking about?

Ravi turns to him exasperated and relieved to finally get a normal person around here: Virat's impending murder by Rohit apparently.

MS nods and reaches towards the jug of juice: Oh. Okay. Keep it after the World Cup though guys. 

Ravi stares. He asks very carefully: MS. Did you even hear me? They are talking about Virat's murder by Rohit.

MS pauses and looks at him, jug still in air: ... I mean, do you want me to help?

Ravi:

Ravi: Aren't you going to stop them?

MS: ...I mean if Rohit's the one murdering, it is probably deserved.

Virat nods in agreement: It is probably, yeah

MS ruffles his hair fondly: Don't worry, I will still check if it's deserved Cheeku.

Virat beams: I love you too Mahi Bhai

Ravi: ....

Ravi: I meant stopping the conversation!

MS: ... Why should I stop the conversation?

Ravi shakes his head. It had indeed been a trap. No matter which generation, they all were fucking crazy. He had been too but come on, they kept getting worse: Never mind. Everyone is hopeless around here.

The table as one just blinks at him, innocently. They are wondering what is wrong with their new coach.

MS breaks the silence by turning to Rohit: So are you going for a traditional way or a more moder-

Shastri gets up and leaves. He is too sober for this.

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Listen I warned you all of this is going to be very stupid and bad but if you are reading you only have yourself to blame ToT.