Last Stop

Chapter thirty six

When the fireworks go off that that night I barely hear them. The hotel room that I am in faces outside but I remain in bed, feeling like a shell of myself. Everything will be better if I never come out of bed again. I don't want to face Millie who keeps giving me sympathetic looks or Mark who has scars running down his face. Even Lola and Justin are sore topics right now.

With all the fluids pumped into my body the tears are flowing freely as my head goes over the events. Most of it a daze, like a bad dream. Clinging to me as I try wake up and yet never really leaving. 

I fall asleep sometime when the sun starts peeking into my room and wake up with a knocking on my door. Mark comes in, followed my a breakfast tray, my stomach twists at the thought of food but under the silver tray is instead some jello and an apple juice.

"The nurses said you wouldn't really want to eat right away but these will help keep your sugar up."

I sit up, accepting them and eating the tasteless jello, quickly drinking the juice, not wanting to worry him more than I already did. I do not want to be here but neither do I want to cause anymore damage. I have done enough. 

"Cameron, the tests your mom took at the police station confirmed she was using again." I didn't need tests to know that. "She is sobering up at the station before being taken to the clinic again, I wanted to ask if you wanted to see her before we leave?"

I shake my head and he nods. "Okay well we have tickets booked to head back home this evening, with school starting on Monday we need to have time to settle in."

Panic grips me once more, they are leaving. I think of the apartment that I hate, the quiet and then the crowds and I choke out my first words since I was brought to the hospital. He stands up to leave and I grip his arm he stops.

"Please don't leave."

I sound like a desperate child, pathetic and weak. But I do not have anything left to loose. Except them. I do not deserve them but if I am allowed anything in this world let it be them. Even for a little longer then I will suck up my fate and forge forward. I will try. 

"I just want to go and tell Millie that we will leave after lunch, the kids wanted to go to the pool.""

"Don't go back, I mean." I say again.

"Cameron, we have to go back, we have the ranch and school."

I nod, knowing that what I ask is ridiculous, they have their own lives, I chose mine. "Can I come visit sometime?"

Mark pauses, sits back down with a frown and my stomach sinks, he is going to tell me that they do not want someone like me around their children, someone like me who is weak and makes all the wrong choices to influence their perfect lives. I get it. I am a broken glass in a pantry of shiny crystal.

"What do you mean visit Cameron?"

"W-well, just that, maybe I c-can come visit, I know that I have to focus on senior year but maybe for spring break and-"I stop when his frown deepens. "But I do not have to, I understand if you don't want me to."

"Cameron, what are you on about visiting?" Mark demands sharply "You are coming with us of course."

"I am?" Something like understanding fills his features.

"Did you think we were going to leave you alone here?"

I shrug and he shakes his head "Cameron you are part of our family and even in these short few days we have missed you greatly."

He is lying "You can't have, I just bring trouble, I didn't even thank you properly for all that you did for me and then I left, I keep screwing up."

"Son, you are a blessing to our town and our family and of course we want you to come back."

I shake my head, tears filling my eyes "You can't, I am not worth it." My words to Spencer haunt me. He is worth it but I am not.

"Oh Cameron." It shocks me when I see tears in Marks eyes, they crumple down his cheeks in steady streams. He reaches towards me and suddenly I am engulfed in hug so warm it connects my insides. He holds me as I sob and keeps holding as I hiccup into silence. Trembling.

"I am sorry that your moms disease has lead you to believe that you are not worth taking care of, that you are not worth putting first but you are." I want to say something but he stops me with his next words "You do not need to believe me now, Lord knows you have had enough disappointment to last a life time but try remember that Millie and I want you in our lives and you matter to us as much as Justin or Lola."

That can not be true, I am not the same as their children. I am an outsider. He squeezes my hand." We are going to go home Cameron, our home, your home and we will heal, okay." There is no conviction in his voice and that stupid flutter of hope takes flight in my heart. He has never gone back on his words. Unlike my mother he is true to them. He honors them and takes care with them. I feel foolish for allowing myself hope again but the fierceness in his tone and features leave me no choice. 

I am welcome in his life. In his families. My families. 

"O-okay." I whisper and he smiles standing up and making to leave but not before pressing a kiss on my forehead. My eyes close after that and I drift into a deep sleep.