𝑘𝑖𝑠𝑠 𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒 | 𝑤𝑜𝑜𝑠𝑎𝑛

☆ - 37

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🖤🌑☂️☾✧☽☂️🌑🖤

- 𝕋ℍ𝕀ℝ𝕋𝕐-𝕊𝔼𝕍𝔼ℕ -

𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕖

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the room was dark, silent until san shot out of bed- chest feeling tight, lungs closing up on him. he couldn't breathe, felt himself losing a grip on everything around him. he felt like he was trapped, drowning in his past all over again- the feeling happening all too often, the air heavy and collapsing in on him. all he heard was his fathers screams and eun-ji telling him it would be okay. over and over it played, blaring in his ears- calling for him to come out, for him to stay quiet, to obey. he didn't know who to listen to, it felt like he was a kid again- being locked away in the closet as another punishment or being put on display like a doll- he covered himself, an overwhelming sense of disgust taking him over.

san grabbed at his chest, covered his ears, as his eyes glossed up he did everything hongjoong taught him to try and calm down-

uh- count to twenty? close your eyes, hold onto something;

never leave yourself alone.

"w-wooyoung!" he choked out, just barely, thick tears slipping down his cheeks, breathing jagged and harsh, shaking hand clamped tightly around the edge of the sheet. he felt sick, couldn't tell if he would pass out or throw up first- all he knew is that he needed wooyoung.

"w-woo!" he cried again, he couldn't process how loud he was really yelling, or if he was even making any noise at all.

when the door slammed open, san instantly reached out for the blonde, mumbling a mess of words he couldn't even process himself, head still filled with that awful nightmare he found himself stuck in. without a thought wooyoung moved towards the boy onto the bed, catching him in his arms, pulling him close,

"san what's the matter?" he spoke fast, hastily, he didn't know what happened but when he heard san yell for him like that he had dropped everything he was doing to come check on him.

"c-cant, cant breathe." he cried, eyes shutting tight, he latched onto wooyoung- trying to do anything to get a grip on reality again.

"it's okay sannie, just- listen come here." he said softly, pulling the boy up so sans head laid against his chest, a snug fit neither of them wanted to admit felt like second nature.

"look, is your head real jumbled?" san nodded, weakly- shaky hands finding their way into wooyoungs, warmth. wooyoung held his hands softly, thumb stroking the backs of them carefully, "can you hear my heart beating?" he asked, seeing if he could get san to focus on just that for now. he didn't have that much experience with dealing with things like these- but he tried his best to remember things yeosang and seonghwa had done to help mingi or jongho out.

he tried things he had done to help himself too.

again, another nod,

"okay baby, i'm gonna need you to try and focus on it okay?"

san tried to do what he was told, but the yelling drowned it all out, he shook his head quickly, choking up again-

"c-can't, i can't i'm sorry-"

"that's okay- but why not baby, can you tell me what's happening?" wooyoung hoped he could get san to speak more, hoping getting him to explain it would ground him a bit.

"he was there again, took eun-ji from me, i-i miss her so much- he took her from me," he said shakily, from the little wooyoung knew about sans past he figured it had something to do with his family.

"san i know it's hard but- he's not here okay, it's just us two, i'm here yeah? he can't hurt you anymore." he wrapped his arms around the boy loosely, nuzzling his head over sans, in a way it felt like he was shielding him, san started to calm down a bit. "i miss her woo," he cried softly, curling closer, his breathing was calmer when he finally started to focus on wooyoungs heartbeat, it steadied him- gave him something to follow.

"i know san, and i'm sorry- but it'll be okay now, i'll protect you." he answered, he didn't know who eun-ji was- but he knew just how much pain san was in, he pressed his lips against the top of his head, wiping away a few lingering tears from sans eyes. san tensed at those last three words, so many people had used them only to leave them empty, behind- he took a few seconds to process everything, to think about wooyoung and if he believed him. then, he pulled away from the older, shifting around so he sat on his lap, and he wrapped his arms around wooyoung in a hug, burying his face in the crook of his neck, warm breath tickling the olders skin,

"promise?"

wooyoung let out a breath of air he didn't know he was holding in, and he held the boy closer, whispering softly,

"with my entire life."

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help im so sleepy

took my big boy ap us history exam friday and it went so much better than i thought im so happy

i have my big boy ap language exam tuesday but i'm not nervy for that cus the final was a mock and i did rlly well :3

ALSO OH MY GOSH THE GIRL FROM MY CLUB IM SO THIS IS SO FUCKING BAD IM SO UPSET IM GONNA CATCH FEELINGS (again what's new) she said she hopes we hang out more next school year and said she'd love if i visited her during class (cus i said maybe i could during my senior privilege) and we've been sending each other pictures on insta like while talking and oh my gosh she's so fucking cute im crying like i just want to hold her while watching the fault in our stars wrapped in blankets

this is so humiliating

but yea i hope u liked the chapter i thought it turned out pretty well, and i think i fully know where i wanna go w this book for the most part

i started writing a texting woosan book too lol but i think i'll post the seongjoong one before that one i dunno yet

okay i think that's all so bye :3

~ lix ~

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