𝑘𝑖𝑠𝑠 𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒 | 𝑤𝑜𝑜𝑠𝑎𝑛

☆ - 43

╳°»｡ ∾･⁙･ ღ ➵ ⁘ ➵ ღ ･⁙･∾ ｡«°╳

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🖤🌑☂️☾✧☽☂️🌑🖤

- 𝔽𝕆𝕌ℝ𝕋𝕐-𝕋ℍℝ𝔼𝔼 -

𝕟𝕠 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕪 𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤

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it was thick, the air in that car. san found it funny that every time they were in wooyoungs car it seemed to be filled with some sort of tension. this one, though- wasn't one he'd ever expect to feel around wooyoung. he stared out the window, face stoic, empty- void of any emotions aside from the puffy, redness of his eyes. many thoughts ran through sans head, many regrets too. he didn't know how things escalated so quickly, how it went from zero to a hundred in a matter of minutes.

he had never seen wooyoung cry before. and it was his fault. yet he had cried too, he was hurt too- he simply didn't want to think about it anymore.

san tensed up, when wooyoung cleared his throat next to him, opening his mouth to say the first thing he's said to san since the confrontation, "i know- you probably don't want to hear my voice right now-" he swallowed the lump in his throat, and san took that pause to mumble,

"i don't."

wooyoung sighed, and continued anyways, "-but i need to explain myself, you can at least give me that can't you?" his eyes flickered over to san for a second, pleading- and then back onto the road. when san didn't answer, he continued. "i'm... i'm sorry for how dismissive i was being- for denying the obvious. i guess it's because of how i grew up? i never really knew what love felt like. my parents are quite literally money obsessed robots- so i never learned from them." wooyoung chuckled rather dryly.

san could already tell that he'd cry by the end of this. as often as it happens, clearly fights were not his thing.

"they would set me up with different girls from other rich families all the time- it started when i was only 9 i think, but i was never interested in them," he paused, "you know why."

san hummed, shifting to face forward, his eyes locked on his lap- checks puffed out in a silent pout. he didn't want to get so emotional again, hell wooyoung had barely started talking and san already felt like wanting to sob and beg for forgiveness. as much as he hated it he figured that he must've had an issue with processing his emotions and being abandoned maybe. he fisted at his pants, when wooyoung spoke up again, voice wavering.

"so i guess it wasn't until only now, that i started to understand my own feelings. of course i had felt platonic love before- with yeosang and the others. but before then i wasn't given the chance to experience a romantic love-" they pulled over to the side, san only just noticed they were at his apartment already, and he could feel wooyoung looking at him, "not until i met you."

a weird feeling erupted in sans tummy, and then it fluttered up to his chest and for a second he felt like he couldn't breathe- it was one thing to hope and wish that his growing feelings were being reciprocated but another to actually hear it fall from wooyoungs own lips. still, he felt worried it was being forced out for his sake, "wooyoung, you don't have to-"

"it's not an excuse but- i was worried. i didn't know what i was feeling, when i met you- i thought you were the prettiest person i'd ever seen. and then i thought that i loved your laugh. i saw how your smile could light up a room, and then i started falling for your personality and thought, fuck."

sans face flushed red, he felt a bit overwhelmed by wooyoungs words, though he did love hearing them. it made him feel like maybe he was capable of being loved in that way,

"wooyoung..."

"san, it isn't that i'm not in love with you, i just don't know what that feels like- i didn't know. at the time, and now i do i think." san finally looked up, with shiny eyes and a quivering lip. he could feel, deep down this wouldn't end the way they truly wanted. wooyoung smiled, sadly, hand moving to brush away a tear that streaked down sans cheek, cupping his face softly, "but above all, no matter what i feel, what we feel, at the end of the day san, you're seventeen. i'm twenty five. as much as i want to be with you.. i can't, it feels... wrong. and even when you're older, my parents force me into a mold, a spotlight-"

there it was.

"i-i'm supposed to be this picture perfect, woman loving, role model son. they tried to raise me a certain way, to fit who they wanted me to be- not who i really was." wooyoung said, eyes watering a bit, his voice cracked a bit, felt like his throat was closing up a bit as reality hit them both. "and here i am falling in love with you instead." he whispered softly.

san thought then, that he really would never get his happy ending.

he smiled, tears now freely flowing down his face again. it broke wooyoung to see it,

"do you want to come inside?"

"...sure."

╳°»｡ ∾･⁙･ ღ ➵ ⁘ ➵ ღ ･⁙･∾ ｡«°╳

lol woosan </3

i cried a bit while writing this :)

i tend to put myself in the characters mindsets while writing, it helps make it feel more authentic to me but it causes me to actually get into shitty or sad moods and cry for a bit 🤡🤡

also sorry it's been taking me a while to post things im just v lazy and my head was in a bad spot for a little (still kinda is but i'm trying to fix that)

i've been trying to focus on my physical and mental health more recently since id rather not feel like shit all the time so far it's going pretty good i think

one of the things i'm trying to do is get back into my fav hobbies like writing and drawing etc

anyways so i'll try to write more often but if it falters it's bc i'm still not in the best spot mentally (hopefully it'll go away soon)

i think that's all so bye

~ lix ~

╳°»｡ ∾･⁙･ ღ ➵ ⁘ ➵ ღ ･⁙･∾ ｡«°╳