"What did he tell you?" Shane and Trisha ask me.
"Oh it's about what happened earlier." I lied. I know they want to say more but I'm just tired.
"I want to rest. Let's talk about this sometime." They nod at me and we all ride the elevator and went down. Naghiwalay na din kami pagdating sa baba dahil hinihintay pa ako ni Radon.
Naglalakad na ako palabas. Ichachat ko na sana si Radon ng makita ko sya kasama si Alessa. They are talking. What are they talking about? Lumapit ako sa kanila pero mukhang di pa nila ako napapansin.
"Ms. Chantal is also kind. She may look intimidating but she has a good heart. She is very popular here. She is like the face of this company. " Nagpanting ang tenga ko. I know what she said is a compliment but I don't want her describing me to anyone. This body has a strong reaction to Alessa and sometimes I can't help it.
"Are you gossiping about me." I coldly said. Agad naman silang napalingon sa akin.
"No, Ma'am. We're just talking and uh." Mukhang hindi nya na alam ang sasabihin nya.
"Chantal. She helped me earlier because I almost got lost and somehow our talk end up to you. I'm sorry." Radon held my hands but I remove it. I had enough today.
"You don't have the right to talk about me. You don't even know me so shut your mouth and know your place." Napayuko si Alessa at mukhang nagulat si Radon.
"I'm sorry, Ma'am." Agad ko silang tinalikuran at naglakad palayo. Who does she think she is. Acting like she know me just to impress Radon. I saw that look in her eyes. She's interested at Radon.
"Chantal wait. Im sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Radon held my hand and I just look away. I am really tired.
"It's fine. I'm just tired. I am going home." Binawi ko ang aking kamay.
"Ihahatid na kita, please." Tumango na lamang ako. I didn't say anything the entire ride. The words of Harry is still lingering in my mind. This is really not the way I want things to be. I just wish that Shawn will lose his interest on me because this is really not a joke. Two men are following me around through his order. It's like saying that I don't have my freedom.
"We're here. I'm sorry again." I was pull back to reality. Kanina pa pala ako tulala sa labas. When I look at Radon he's looking all gloomy.
"It's fine. I'm just tired. Something happened earlier that's why I'm not in the mood and I'll tell you about it next time." He hold my hand and apologise again.
"I'm really sorry this won't happen again. I know you are tired and I won't pry anymore." Tumango na lamang ako. He help me out of the car.
"Can I walk you to the entrance?" Umiling lamang ako.
"I'm fine. I just need to be alone. Ingat pag-uwi." He sigh and kiss the back of my hand. Tinalikuran ko sya at nagsimulang maglakad. Maya-maya ay narinig kong umalis na din sya.
I just took a good amount of rest. Wala din naman kaming photoshoot bukas kaya nagpahinga lamang ako. Lax and his friends properly apologise to us through messages dahil hindi naman namin balak makipagkita pa sa kanila. All of our friends are talking about what happened and comforting us.
Tumayo ako dahil tumunog ang doorbell. It's probably one of the bouquet sent everyday. Mukha ng flowershop ang unit ko and I am right it's a flower. I'm sick of this.
I called the cleaning lady and ask her to clean my unit and since she's going to clean, nagdesisyon akong pumunta sa mall. I'm wearing a black q-zip jacket, white shorts, white shoes and black cap. I grab my keys, phone and mini shoulder bag before I left. Pagkadating ko sa parking lot ng mall ay nagsuot ako mg face mask bago lumabas. The place is not overly pack by people maybe because it's weekdays. Naglibang lamang ako sa pagshoshopping.
Naglibot ako sa ilang stall ng makaramdam ako ng gutom dahil 2pm na din pala. I'm craving jollibee and it's been long since I taste one. Nasa dating katawan pa ako nung huli akong kumain doon at kasama ko pa ang pamilya ko. I guess I can reminisce our moment through this. I know as a model I follow a diet but one wouldn't ruin my body right? I ordered to the kiosk and line up. Matapos ay umupo ako sa 2 seater sa may dulo. I browse through my social media habang hinihintay ang food. The server arrive and put down my order and I thank him before he left. I am happily eating when I heard a familiar voice.
"Ma, Pa huwag kayong mag-alala 2 bucket ng chicken ang inorder ko tapos nagbaon ako ng kanin natin kasi medyo mahal dito e." Masayang wika ni Alessa. Mukhang magulang nya ang kasama nya at kanyang nakababatang kapatid na babae dahil may pagkakahawig sila.
" Si ate talaga haha nakakahiya naman ilabas yang kanin." Pang-aasar ng mas nakakabata sa kanya.
" Sure ka ba anak may kamahalan din yang dalawang bucket baka may pagkakagastusan ka pang iba." Malumanay na banggit ng kanyang ina.
"Ok lang naman kami anak kahit sa bahay na lang tayo magprito ng manok tapos bili na lang tayo mang tomas." Dugtong ng ama nya. Hindi na ako halos makakain at nakikinig na lang sa kanila. Dumating ang pagkain nila at nakangiti lamang si Alessa sa kanila.
" Ma, Pa, bunso ienjoy natin ito. Kakasahod ko lamang at matagal ko ng pinaghandaan ito. Sa susunod sa restaurant naman tayo kakain. Uunti unti na ding nauubos mga utang natin kaya huwag na kayo mag-alala. Deserve natin ito. " Ngumiti naman sila at nagpasalamat kay Alessa. Masaya silang kumain habang nagkwekwentuhan sa mga pangyayari sa buhay nila. Hindi ko namalayang lumuluha na pala ako. Pumatak iyon sa aking kamay at agad kong pinahi ang aking luha. Bigla kong naalala ang aking pamilya. Pamilya kong kahit kailan hindi ko na makikita.
Now I know why I hate Alessa. I don't hate her just because she is a crybaby and prone to disaster. I hate her because she has the life I will never have here. She have her family. She have her kindness, positivity, determination and bravery. She is happy and I don't know if I will ever be happy like her.
I didn't finish my food and left that place. This is just too much for me. The fact that I will live the life that isn't mine is weighing me down. I gulped hard and convince myself to keep going and put these feelings away. As long as my family is doing well I can endure all of this. I will try to be happy.
