I Can't Live Without You (Sixth book of the Finnick and Annie series)

Chapter 16

Chapter 16
Maggie's POV
So, scientifically speaking, I am indeed depressed.
I thought depression was a lot harder to receive or feel, or whatever I'm supposed to call it. But my parents made me see a psychologist and she gave me medication and everything, it's really just great. On top of having to deal with the Alexa thing my parents now have a depressed daughter and it's only made me more guilty.
I asked them if I could get awhile, with Dare who has really been my rock through all of this. Its nice to have somebody there for you no matter what. If roles were reversed and he found out he was depressed I'd feel like I wasn't maybe enough for him but he doesn't seem to feel that way at all. He knows what's going on, and he knows about the bad thing I did.
My parents never really let me watch their games, or any propos made for the war. I didn't know their story as well as I thought I did.
Before I had my therapy appointment I decided to watch, I watched my dad kill people like they were nothing, I watched a beheading, I watched my mom stab someone repeatedly, I watched my dad confess what really happened to him in the Capitol.
It made me wonder whether or not there were any girls he had some feelings for, it made me wonder what other girl could call someday and try to get him back. I understand it's not his fault that that happened to him, and I feel bad, but my mind immediately wondered...
Is there anyone else?
Will this ever end?
Even after Alexa is stopped, if we can stop her, will someone still show up tomorrow, or ten years from now?
I don't want to think about it but I do. I just don't want to be involved but I still don't want to let my family crumble knowing I didn't stay to fight. So I'm definitely conflicted,
They want to send me to Johanna's house for awhile but I still want Dare in my life. The only light in the dark tunnel I'm walking through. I really was dumb to watch those videos, they don't know that I've seen them, but it wouldn't surprise me if they did soon.
"Knock knock," my dad says as I'm laying in my bed.
"What's up?" I ask, sitting up a little.
"Your mom has an appointment, for the baby," He reminds me.
"Oh. I forgot about that, am I supposed to go?" I ask. He creases his eyebrows at me, obviously saying yes. "I'm sorry, I wasn't sure if..."
"If what?" He asks.
"If you guys even want me there," I say, feeling my eyes getting watery.
"Why wouldn't we-" he starts.
"Because I'm rarely even happy any more. I understand dad, you don't have to sugar coat things. I'm a downer, I kill the mood for everybody because I walk in the room and the whole place falls silent. I feel like a sickness around you and mom and everyone, you guys act serious and stop being playful when what I clearly need is the opposite. I need everyone to be happy so that I'm forced to be happy but I can't because everyone acts like I'm dying or something." I blurt out.
"I didn't know you felt that way Mags," he says, and sighs. "This is new for us too you know. As your parents..." He takes a deep breath, "your mom and I feel like it's our fault, that you're..."
"Just say it dad," I mumble. "Depressed."
"I refuse to believe you're depressed, Maggie. I refuse to believe my beautiful, smart, full of life little girl is depressed. Despite everything going on I thought you'd be able to see light at the end of this tunnel and instead you've let everything get dark." He argues.
We sit in silence for a little bit.
"So... I don't remember why you came in here..."
"The appointment," he restates.
"Right! Sorry, I'm just really..."
"Forgetful. I know, it was one of your side affects,"
"See! Stop doing that! Stop treating me like I'm dying! I don't want to be treated like I have nine days to live I just-" I break down, tears pouring from my eyes. "I just wanna be happy again dad." I keep crying and I'm trying to stop but it doesn't feel possible. "But I don't know how to be happy."
He pulls me in close, "You have to let us help you then, start by coming with us."
"Okay," I nod. "Darius is at work right?"
"Yeah, your mom convinced him to go,"
"Okay good."
I hadn't been going to school because my mom and dad don't want me out since they don't know where Alexa is, but since Dare is a teacher he just home-schools me for the time being. It's nice but I do miss going, and he's also been calling in sick ever since we found out I'm depressed.
My moms laying on the couch and waiting for us, we all walk to the hospital not too far from our house and wait. Were finding out if the baby is a boy or girl which is really exciting.
Wow, I'm excited about something.
It's been awhile since I've been able to honestly say that, I never thought that this would all take such a toll on me. Between Alexa, my parents roller coaster that consists of screaming and then kissing, watching their games and the propos, not being at school, and just growing up in general has screwed me up big time. I know that even if everything is sorted out I'll never be the same.
We're sitting in the doctors office now, and Mrs. Everdeen smiles a little.
"I'm noticing a pattern in your family," She says.
"What's that?" My mom asks.
"Twins, it appears you'll be having a boy and a girl," She explains.
"Really?" Mom and dad ask in sync.
"Yeah, really,"
They both look at me, for my reaction, my opinion.
"It's great, guys. Really. I didn't know if I wanted a sister or brother and now I have both." I say, and mom looks like she could cry and I top it off with a fake smile.
Why is it hard to be happy?
"See Maggie, coming today was a good step." Dad says.
I just nod because I have to at least be happy whenever I can. Not even for me, but for my parents. I guess it's the least that I can do.

Authors Note
I'm so sorry that I have been slacking on the updating, but just like the Odairs, I've been dealing with some family stuff myself and it's been really hard to even pick up my tablet and write because when I start I get phone calls or I can't focus and I try to give you guys decent chapters and this is the first one that I'm somewhat satisfied with.
So I hope no ones mad at me but I hope you guys understand I'm doing my best because you guys mean a lot to me and you're all so supportive so I'm just trying to be honest about why updating hasn't been so frequent but I promise things will calm down and I'll try and update every day for a week to make it up to you.
I love you guys! Thanks for becoming such a positive thing in my hectic life, all of you mean a lot to me.
~Swimmy