I have never begged anyone to stay,
But I said please that day.
We can work this out.
I have never prayed for anything so badly,
but I remember begging the universe that if it could hear me somehow,
all I want is a chance to make it work.
'I can't'...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Sienna has left, and everything has reverted to its usual state. I'm back with my two colleagues, the patient's scans and x-rays laid out before us. We've been brought in as consultants to advise on the upcoming surgery.
As we discuss the case, I find myself engaging, offering my professional insights and recommendations. But as soon as I stop talking, a heavy silence descends in my head and everyone around me is zoned out.
Sienna's visit hits me again like a ton of bricks.
Everything has changed. I'm not the same man I was just twenty minutes ago before she walked in.
I'm going to be a father.
Holy crap!
I'm going to be someone's dad.
I shift anxiously on my feet, feeling a fraction of what Sienna must have felt-shock and overwhelming emotion.
She was right. It's one thing to contemplate something in your mind, to plan for it, but facing the reality is a whole different ball game.
My heart starts to race, my throat feeling parched as the weight of this new reality sinks in.
Damn, are we even ready right now.
Gosh, so much we need to do, to plan....we need to baby proof the house...those fucking stairs need better railings, they are way too far apart, a baby could easily crawl though and fall.
And the baby's room..we need to turn one of the rooms into a nursery.... preferably one closer to ours..
Decorate it and get a baby coat, Car seat....baby clothes.
And I have to look into my working hours..I may need to make some adjustments...extended time periods like this will have to change a bit.
"Dr. Toscano, what are your thoughts on a bypass graft? We could graft the vein from right here." Dr. Webber prompts, drawing my attention back as he points to a spot on the MRI scans displayed on the large digital screen.
I refocus, pushing thoughts of the baby to the back of my mind.
For the remainder of my time here, I manage to maintain my concentration on work. However, occasionally, a thought slips through, each time causing my heart to skip a beat.
At some point, I even entertain the idea that perhaps I imagined it all-that Sienna didn't actually show up here, and it was all a figment of my imagination.
But it's real.
It has to be real...the way my heart rate has changed is reason enough.
Finally, I hang up my coat for the night and head off.
"Goodnight, Doctor Toscano."
"Goodnight, Brenda," I murmur as I pass the nurses' station.
I pull my phone out of my pocket as I step into the elevator. Thankfully, I'm the only one inside, and I'm grateful for the solitude. I'm too tired to engage in conversations with anyone right now.
