Say Don't Go

VI. midnight rain

Vanraj sat at the sofa watching Mahi play with Ansh.
Pari and Ishani were inside with their colouring books, with Baa Bapuji.
Pakhi sat at another sofa, unbothered.
What Kavya had said played in his mind like a broken record.
He knew he was at war with his own self.
He wanted Kavya to leave, yet he felt this emotional upheaval when she does. He did not accept Mahi as his own daughter, yet he had clutched onto her with tears when she left.
Maybe her cold theory was true. He was just being egoistic and trying to win against Anirudh.

He inhaled deeply.
"Mahi!", Anupamaa walked out of the bedroom with a smile. Mahi immediately rushed down to her and wrapped her arms around her waist.
"I missed you Badi Maa!", She said, heartwarmingly.
"Badi Maa missed you too! When did you arrive?", She asked pulling the child's cheeks lovingly.
"Just now!", She said giggling.
"Badi Maa love me too!", Ansh said revolting to all the attention Mahi was getting.
"Uff so jealous all the time!", Mahi said facepalming dramatically.

Vanraj found himself smiling through his own emotional turmoil.
Emotional turmoil had not been uncommon to him.
He stood up, feeling unsettled.
He walked down to the door and opened the door.
"Papa! You are leaving?", Mahi said. He paused.
The word "papa" had never stirred so many feelings in him even after having three kids before. It was always his 'right' not a title that his children chose to bestow upon him.
He turned to look at her.
She looked at him with eyes that wished he'd stay.

He gulped.
At that moment, he realised, this truly wasn't an ego battle for him.
He did want the child to stay, even if he was still reluctant to accept her before the world. He needed her there, watching him, smiling for him, sometimes holding onto him and breaking down.
To father a daughter was bliss, he knew.
But his relationship with all his other children was plain estranged and bitter. They only cared about the things he could do for them while they found new creative ways to get him humiliated. The father in him yearned for a child's unconditional love.

He walked back to her with a soft smile.
He bent on one knee before him and placed a hand on her cheek.
"I will be back very soon.", He said softly, the tremble in his voice unmissable.
She smiled back at him.
"I will wait for you, Papa.", She said gently placing her hand on his cheek, just the way he had.
She had an extreme resemblance with her mother, they looked almost alike.
Innocent eyes, beautiful smiles - had the child looked a little different, he would have found accepting her easier, but every glance at her reminded him of her mother, and her betrayal.
He inhaled deeply as he held her rather tiny hand in his tightly for moments.
His heart of ice ached as he finally stood up.

"Bye bye beta.", He whispered as he forcefully tore his gaze off her.
He pushed open the door and walked out.
The sky was thick with rain clouds.
He dragged himself out, down to the nearby park.

Kavya sat back staring at the photograph in her hand.
It was almost fifteen years old, a little faded, yet treasured.
It was the "Employee of the Year" award ceremony, and she was being presented the "Best Intern" award by her then Boss. Now, her estranged husband.
Her phone buzzed.
She picked up the call without checking.
"Where are you?", Anirudh asked.
"I will be back soon.", She said.
"I am readying the bedroom for us. It will be just us after so long-"
"No.. you are getting it all wrong, Anirudh. Again.", She said sighing, "I am coming for Mahi, and I will stay with her-"
"Oh come on Kavya.. It's okay. You can breakdown and I can hold you-"
"I don't need anyone to hold onto me!", She shouted at him.
"Just big talks Kavya. You are no Anupamaa. You are weak and need support..", He said casually, "Never mind I will keep everything ready.. Just in case, you know."