Say Don't Go

XXI. home

Night drew in.
After years, what seemed like the first time, Mahi had slept without Vanraj.
He had been catching up with work and Anupamaa had taken Mahi to sleep, the child had drifted off in her arms listening to some story.

After work, Vanraj finally dragged himself into his bedroom.

And he paused at the threshold.
Mahi lay, wrapped in Anupamaa's embrace. Her hand around her neck, the same childish innocent on her face, deep in sleep. Anupamaa too had drifted off.
They had managed to occupy a little more than half the bed.

Vanraj kept his iPad on the desk and tip toed up to the bed, quitely climbed onto the bed and lay down - careful to not make any noise.
Almost as if Mahi had sensed him in her sleep she turned towards him. Like was his habit for the last two years, he kissed her forehead and pulled her closer to himself.

"I love you Papa.", He heard her whisper in her sleep.
"I love you too, beta.", He whispered, a little smile spreading on his lips as usual.
Although sharing the bed and squeezing into the little space wasn't exactly convenient, he had lost habit, he did not dislike it.

He stared right before him, towards his now wife.
She was dozing off, deep in sleep.
Nothing had changed about her, yet something strongly had.

He had decided not to intrude in her space and ask about why her engagement had ended.
Anyways she was doing him a huge favour by staying here and accepting to love his daughter. But he could feel it. The look of carefree joy, that had somehow been persistent even after their divorce, had been wiped off.

She smiled, but she smiled with regret and a strange sense of failure.

He felt Mahi's hand wrap around his waist as she buried herself into his chest.
Somehow she loved to sleep, hugging him tightly. As if she'd lose him if she let him go.

Vanraj inhaled, as he noticed Anupamaa stir. Suddenly, it seemed like she was mumbling something.
He remained unmoved as the mumbling intensified - a nightmare probably.

"I.. I am not.. not a bad mother..", She whispered, rather indistinctly.
He gulped.
After a while she sat up, breathing heavily, sweating profusely even with the AC on.
He immediately shut his eyes.

He heard her immediately get out of the room.
He gulped.

Should he invade?

Anupamaa would have recommended him not to as she dragged herself down to the garden, out of the house.
Her breath felt caught up, it laboured. It was almost a panic attack. She sat down on the grass, back against the boundary wall, breathing heavily. Tears streaming down the corners of her eyes.

The visions of the last few months cleared before her eyes, everytime the accusations had echoed in her ears. Everytime she had looked at the Instagram feed to find her ex boyfriend's happy photos with the child she had considered her daughter and another woman.
They were lying when they said first love is the strongest, nothing could ever come close to the heartbreak that the second love could give.

She had clutched onto the man with the love and yearning of a lifetime, the lifetime she had missed, and she was here now. Sitting in the corner of the house garden, trying to breath in the humid air of a summer night.

She wanted cry loud, scream and say that she was not a terrible mother. Yet, she did not have the confidence or will.

She heard footsteps, as she paused.
Vanraj had silently walked out behind her, and stood at the doorway of the house. He could see her, trying to breath.
He inhaled deeply as he walked down to her.

She tried to get up, refusing to show him any signs of vulnerability but her hand slipped on the moist grass as she was forced to sit back.
He said nothing as he sat down beside her.