the other side of the sea - reiner braun x reader.

Say the Word.

I wake up with a start. It must be the middle of the night because everyone is asleep around me. I'm leaned up against Piecks titan body, Annie to my left and Reiner to my right. My hand is where I left it, on Reiners forehead.  I adjust my position and really feel how sore my body is. My bladder is going to explode but my muscles have seized making it impossible to move.

I look to Annie who is sound asleep. I don't want to wake her and ask her to help me go pee. I look down at Reiner and his face has healed significantly. He looks restless, his eyebrows furrowed even in his sleep. I reach my leg over and start gently nudging him, hoping he'll wake up without knowing I'm the reason why.

I know he needs rest but I just want to see him. To feel him. I keep gently shoving him and finally his eyes shoot open. He sits up quickly and looks around as if he's looking out for something. I place my hand on his arm.

"Reiner." I whisper into the dark. He looks up at me and his gaze softens. "Why are you awake?" he asks, concern in his voice. "I have to pee but I'm too sore to move." I admit. Reiner sits up, I watch his face as he winces in pain. "What are you doing?" I ask. He stands up all the way and scoops me up in his arms carefully. "Taking you to pee."

I wrap my arm around his neck and let him carry me away from the group so I can relieve myself. We find a cluster of bushes. "This is as good a spot as any." I say. Reiner sets me down and I cringe at the pain. I dig my nails into Reiners shoulder.

"How badly are you hurt?" He asks "I don't know. I got hit by one of Zekes rocks and then rolled off a roof." Reiners eyes widen. "What? Are you kidding me? Has anyone looked at your injuries?" I furrow my brow. "Of course not. We were a little pre occupied." Reiner sighs. "Can I see?" I nod and he pulls my pant leg up to see the extent of the damage.

"Fuck Y/N. It's pretty red and swollen. It needs cleaned, like now. What were you thinking?! You shouldn't even be here. You should be back in the walls getting medical help." I scoff. "What was I thinking? I was thinking that I needed to do whatever it took to stop Eren and Zeke. To help you and- you and Porco out. That's what I was thinking."

"That's not what I meant." Reiner replies, his tone short and clipped. I sigh. "What did you mean then?" Reiner runs his hand through his hair. "I don't know! I know you fought like hell back there okay? But you have to be more careful, you can't heal yourself in 10 minutes like Pieck and I can."

"You've got to be joking." I scoff. "You were ready and willing to die back there. I watched you lie on the ground and just wait for Falco to eat you. Don't tell me that I have to be more careful when you have no regard for your own life!" I say to him, I can feel my blood pumping through me. My anxiety about all of this hitting me all at once.

"I was doing it to save Falco." Reiner replies. "Don't lie to me, Reiner. I heard what you said back there. That you're 'truly worthless.' Why would you say that? That's not true. Do you really believe that?" Tears are welling in my eyes.

"I'm not talking about this right now." Reiner states. I grab his arm. "Then when, Reiner? After the battle? If we even survive. How do I know you won't give up on yourself again. I meant what I said back in Marley after the attack. I need you. Please help me understand." I beg.

"There is no understanding for you because you weren't there." Reiner snaps. I recoil slightly at his tone. "I know that but-." he cuts me off.

"Look, Annie, Bertholdt and I killed thousands of people when we got to Paradis. We crashed the wall down and almost everyone died. When we did it, I felt nothing. But then we infiltrated the cadet corps, and spent years training alongside these people. They were my comrades, and I had to continue on with the mission as if I hadn't just figured out that everything I had been taught was a lie. These people aren't devils. They never were." Reiner breathes deeply.

"And I couldn't exactly come back to Marley and relay that information to Magath now could I?"

I feel that familiar feeling of shame creeping into my stomach. I look away from Reiner and back towards the now dying fire. "I'm sorry." I say, keeping my gaze locked away from Reiner. "I should have been there for you. I shouldn't have pushed you away when you got back. I was so stupid." Tears are falling down my face now. I still don't turn my head to look Reiner in the eye.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about what could be different if I had been on the boat that day 9 years ago. I have gone back and forth on whether or not I could have changed anything. But this is the first time I'm feeling a bit grateful for not having to go through what they did. I take a deep breath.

"If I could take all of the pain you're feeling and give it to me I would, Reiner." I finally turn my head to look at him. "I wish more than anything that I could, but I can't. You told me you were selfish, at the barracks after the fight in Liberio. Remember?" Reiner nods. "Well I'm selfish too. and I need you." I grab his hand. "And I need you to fight. So that when this is over, when we win. We can spend the rest of the time you have left together. We can live a normal, boring life. No wars, no fighting, no titans. Is that something you would want, with me?" I ask. My heart pounding hard in my chest, my lungs constricting with nerves.

Reiner looks up and puts his hand on my cheek. "More than anything." He replies. I visibly sag with relief. "Then you need to fight. We need you to fight. Just one last time and then it's over. For good." Whether that means we all die, or we live in a world that has been destroyed, I don't know. Reiner pulls me closer to him and rests his forehead on mine. "One last fight." I close my eyes and run my fingers through his hair.

Reiner cups my chin and raises my lips to his. I melt into his kiss. I've been waiting for a moment of solace and this is it. A short pause between one battle and the next. It's fleeting, and it could be my very last but it's something, Reiner and I are both alive and safe, I won't squander this short moment we have left.

"Reiner" I whisper. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I meant what I said before." I start. "I love you. You don't have to say it back, but if we are dea-." I'm interrupted by another kiss. Rough and passionate. Reiners hands in my hair, on my face, down my back. His touch is frantic and feverish, like he needs to feel every inch of my body incase this is the last time he'll get to.

Reiner releases me from my kiss and cups my face, he's looking me straight in the eyes and I think I see a flicker of the boy I used to know. The boy who left on that ship 9 years ago.

"I love you, Y/N. I have loved you every second of every day since the moment we met as Warrior candidates. I haven't known a moments peace since you walked into my life. Do you understand how terrified I was when I saw you on that rooftop? At that moment all I wanted to do was scoop you up and run away from the battle. I was ready to leave it all behind. I would do anything you asked of me. I am so in love with you it hurts. If you said the word and I would leave right now."

I feel my mouth open slightly. I'm at a loss for words. The very idea that Reiner would abandon everything for me is enough to bring me to my knees. I almost consider it, for a second. But we have gone through to much to get here, lost so much. "Oh Reiner." I utter. "You know we can't." Reiner offers me a sad smile. "I know."

"Can we stay here a little longer?" I ask. I don't want to head back to the group, I want to stay in this moment for as long as I can. "Sure." Reiner says. We lean up against a nearby tree and I feel Reiner wrap his arm around me. I lean into his shoulder and tuck my legs into my chest. We lay there for a while and I try to fall asleep but my nerves are shot. I don't know how long we've been here but I have no intention of moving until we absolutely have to. I feel Reiner adjust and rest his face on the top of my head. He takes a deep breath in and I move my hand to lace my fingers through his. I look above out around us and see the faint glow of the sun starting to rise. I squeeze Reiners hand tight.

Time to go.