Hearts in the Shadows(m×m)

Scars that hard to share

"Leo,"
Alex's voice broke through my thoughts, and I quickly turned to face him. He took a sharp breath as our eyes locked onto each other.

"Babe, are you okay?"
Alex hurriedly came to my side, his hand reaching out to gently touch my face. I had never witnessed someone being this concerned about me.

He seemed on the verge of breaking down due to his worry. I struggled to find my voice, feeling choked with emotion.

"I..." I began, but the words got caught in my throat.
"I'm fine," I managed to say, pushing his hand away and taking a step back.

He looked at his now empty hand and then back at me, disappointment etched across his face.

"No, you're clearly not fine. Could you please tell me what happened? Maybe I can help you. Who was on the call?" he asked, the questions rushing out in a single breath as he tried to reach out and hold my hands.
But  I pulled my hand away before he could touch me and stepped back.

"You can't help," I said, deliberately keeping my voice cold. His lips parted, ready to say something, but I walked past him and into the room.

"Leo, you know you can confide in me. I'm here to listen," he followed me into the room, his concern palpable.

He was genuinely worried about me, but his concern was becoming frustrating for me. I halted in my tracks, closed my eyes, and let out a deep breath before turning to face him.

"Alex, I think it's best if you leave for now," I requested. His expression darkened in disbelief.

"What?"
I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

"You heard me," I affirmed.

"I'm not leaving until you share what's bothering you," he stated firmly, his face set in a serious expression.

My frustration was bubbling to the surface.
"I told you I'm fine. And let's not forget what you promised just a few minutes ago. You don't have the right to ask anything," I retorted, causing his expression to darken even further.

He clenched his fists tightly, his breath coming in ragged. It was evident he was losing patience.

"What is my mistake? I'm just worried about you and want to share your problem. Is that a sin?" he questioned through gritted teeth. I licked my lips, feeling my frustration escalate.

He was making it increasingly difficult for me to control my emotions. Another second of his presence and I might just break down, sharing everything with him—which clearly wouldn't be good.

I shot him a cold and serious look. "You want to know, right?" I inquired, and his shoulders immediately relaxed, his eyes regaining a glimmer of hope.

"But understand this before I begin. Once I reveal everything to you, this will be the last moment you'll see me. Once you have all the information, I'll vanish from your life as if I never existed before," I warned. Upon hearing my words, Alex caught his breath.

His expression shifted to one of fear and panic. He stared at me in disbelief.

I knew he had understood just how serious I was. My heart softened slightly when I saw tears welling up in his eyes. But before I could register it, he blinked and swiftly wiped away his tears.

Turning around, he grabbed his mobile from the table. Without saying a single word, he walked out of my room.

A sudden panic surged within me as I watched him walk away, but I couldn't bring myself to stop him. I was terrified at the prospect of him knowing anything about my past.

I desperately wanted to bury my scars deep within my heart, shielding them from anyone's view.
I couldn't bear the thought of anyone suffering because of me. The fear of judgment gnawed at me; I dreaded that he would perceive me differently after learning about my past, about my family. I was scared that he would feel disgusted with me.

I couldn't pinpoint exactly when Alex's thoughts had begun to matter so much to me, but one thing was certain—I was undeniably afraid of losing him.

My heart pounded relentlessly in my chest, the pressure and anxiety becoming unbearable. I knew I needed something to calm myself down.

I reached for the drawer, and a few white packets caught my eye. Initially hesitant, I knew that not using them might lead to an anxiety attack that could be life-threatening.

Taking a small packet, I carefully opened it with my mouth, picked up my book from the table, and sat down on the floor.

This was the only thing that could bring me solace in this moment. I poured all the contents onto the book and inhaled deeply.

Just one sniff and I felt like I was transported to the moon. A single dose and all worries, problems, and fears vanished from my mind.

As it took over my senses, I found myself laughing almost manically. I had battled addictions to this, but since Alex came into my life, I had managed to forget about it.

It had been a week since I last indulged. Alex constantly occupied my thoughts, leaving me with no room for anything else, including my past memories.

 Anay knew about my addictions to the drug and had tried her best to help me quit, but she had not succeeded.