Boredom in Kodoka Ⅰ

Doctorates: Tanjiro

"Keira, why do all of you guys have PhDs?" The young man asked at the breakfast table.

"We were bored," His sister answered as she poured a cup of tea. "And we were paid to do so. Since we were one of the more obscure legends in the old Pacific alliance, we were given the opportunity to receive cheap education under the condition we are not to reveal our identities.

"They also gave us reduced housing and food too so long as we serve the military at some point in an identity cycle. Essentially, as long as we had the appearance of a human and mostly act as one, there's no need to try to rid us. In fact, it's more beneficial to maintain friendly terms with legends like ourselves if you know anything about Kodokan warfare."

"So you all basically just came for cheap food," Tanjiro then took a bite out of a sausage.

"Reductive, but yes. We did. It's still active; we know some friends that are still in it."

"So, should I join that program?"

"To get a doctorate, no. To get a GED, yes, but only if our knowledge somehow didn't transfer over to you. Due to the 2005 Plasma debacle and being public figures at this time, we can't do the program right now."

"Oh." He bite into the sausage again. "Can I just go to college as myself then?"

"Absolutely not." Korrina snapped her head towards Tanjiro. "That's a safety risk for all of us. We might get hunted down, some Team Plasma dupe might try to kidnap us again, other legends might track us down because some petty 5 century old beef, yada yada. You're wishing a-"

"What do you mean by 'kidnap us again'?"

As Korrina blinked, her eyes change from a bright cyan to neon red. "Funny story," a higher-pitched, raspier voice began. "Back when 'Munker and I were in university, we got kidnapped by some delusional cunt that thought we were Reshiram & Zekrom. To be fair, we were, but it scared the shit outta me 'cause it meant we might have to reenact whatever hellhole happened in 2007. Alvin was extra pissed 'cause it made him miss softball practice for a week.

"There was also that one time someone tried to kidnap Whitney out of all people at a convention in broad daylight. It was the best thing I've ever seen that week.

"Fri, what are you going on abo-"

"It was awesome seeing her snap a spine and breaking some joints in a way you'd never thought was humanely possible.

"What."

"And then she turned them into a flesh cube! Funniest shit I've ever seen. You shoulda seen it. I've never seen someone shake off a drug injection so quickly. She was sooooo cool."

"... Fri. What the fuck."

"Don't worry kid; we have plenty of other stories. Whitney and Edie just has the most interesting ones." Her eyes reverted to its original cyan after she blinked.

"What did [Kuromi] say this time?" Korrina begrudgingly asked in her normal voice before taking a sip of tea despite already knowing the answer.

"I think you guys call this the 'white dragon simpery' phenomena." Tanjiro answered.

"Blimey," Korrina sighed. "I knew I should've never let Remi be a mod for her. The chat made her a part of the Whitney simp cult."

I'm not a bloody simp, Keira. A disembodied voice called out. I just appreciate a good human cube maker.

"... You have very strange tastes in women," Korrina placed a hand on her chin. "A strange taste in smell, when I think about it." She took another sip.

I know. I know. I know. The voice giggled. I'm gonna leave now: [Shiromi]'s making a banger meat-filled pastry for brekkie today.

Tanjiro resumed eating his meal while Korrina browsed on her phone, taking sips of tea periodically.

"That was definitely a euphemism," Korrina mumbled under her breath. "Always a sex joke every five minutes from her. I swear [Kuromi]'s practically perma-horny."

Her brother gave a small grunt of agreement as a response. The two went back to eat before another train of thought drifted in Tanjiro's mind.

"Hey, Keira,"

Korrina looked up from her phone, or in Tanjiro's point of view, her formidable hand.

"What did you mean by smell."

"Hah! Funny you ask that out of all things about [Kuromi]." Keira shifted around in her seat before crossing her legs up. "You know how [Shiromi] smells like petroleum and coal sometimes?"

"Yeah. I have noticed." Tanjiro's nose scrunched up from being reminded of the scent. "I think I've smelled urine from her a few times too. Absolutely unpleasant to be around for more than five minutes."

"And you know how Whitney either smells like a hospital or blood and cadavers?"

He pressed his lips together. "Not really. She smells like coffee and green tea to me most of the time."

"Oh." Korrina then clicked her tongue as she mouthed a swear. "Forgot that you weren't there at the time of Whitney's peak stinkiness. To be fair though, you weren't there for any of ours; people did say I smelled like natural gas at some point, after all."

"... How are any of your lungs still alive?"

"We melted it and recondensed it with Gyeoul. Blake made the moulding; Whitney and Wynton help reconnecting tissues. I have the honourable duty to rip the lungs out myself because I seem to be the only one who can consistently do that."

The younger brother glared at her blankly.

"It's actually quite relaxing; you should try it someday."

"Mmmm, no thanks." Tanjiro went back to focus on eating. "I'd rather never have to do that in the first place."

Korrina let out a little chuckle. "With how bad air quality is nowadays, that day might be sooner than you think."

"I'd rather not entertain that idea any further; I need to finish eating anyway."

Tanjiro resumed eating though not without a sour aftertaste after every bite. He decided to never ask about this topic again.