Ignite My Soul

Chapter 22.1: Hurt People Hurt

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Better to consider all of the good things

A glimpse in the mirror

To make sure you are still there, yeah

But then the night takes over

And you are nowhere to be found

Your face in broken pieces

Don't you look down

Don't you look down

A shame I couldn't see this

Coming around

You're my reflection

So tell me why can't you be more clear?

What's up with all these tears?

Don't be regretting

All that you've done, and haven't done

That shit don't matter here

What's up with all your fears?

You better consider all of the good times

A glimpse from the mirror

To tell me you're just fine, alright

But then the night takes over

And there is no one else around

Your face in broken pieces

Don't you look down

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The fear of loss can only attract more loss.

It is as if it is calling your bluff, daring you even.

To see how much more you dare to cling on

Showing you you have no control

Forcing you to surrender to the flow

Reminding you that no human belongs to you

Let Go. Let Flow

- By some poet, I know.

It is a Thursday morning, and I am in Rustenburg. I get a text notifying me that Lesedi's mother has passed away. To say I am shocked is an understatement. The loss is overwhelming, especially because on Saturday, it is the funeral of one of my childhood friends, and I did not know he was ill. Between the passion work and Khaya, my life has been pretty much occupied, and this reminds me, too, that I have not been visiting my mom as often as I should. I am a bad daughter, but if there is one human who understands and teaches me that humans do not belong to each other, that would be the Sensei I get to call mother.

I send Lesedi a message that I would call her later as I am rushing into a meeting.

Talk about Khaya; now he is a whole many-chapter story. I laugh, recalling our conversation on my first night here in Rustenburg this week.

...

Me: "Can I just put it to you that coughing is eina?!"

Khaya: "Lol..."

Khaya: "What???"

Me: "I said, when I cough, I feel sore down there, where you were drifting this morning. I enjoyed the ride too, but I just realised I'm not made of tar."

Khaya: "I was doing what...?"

Khaya: "Lol"

Khaya: "Uyabheda wena." (You are crazy)

Me: "I don't know why I am so sore, but this story I made up sounds like a better explanation."

Khaya: "This morning was hectic. You are quite the gymnast."