Ignite My Soul

Chapter 25 - I Want My Daddy

I need to stop this car before I crash. The road is blurry from the stream of tears that I just cannot stop. At least it waited for me to leave his house before it started flooding my cheeks. My heart is pounding painfully against my chest. My throat feels constricted, and I struggle to breathe. How did I get here? To this low point. What is happening to me? Who is this woman sitting here, aching, feeling humiliated, unable to face herself in the rearview mirror?

The woman I thought I was felt the mirror shutter as she picked up her belongings as quickly as her numb body would allow. She put everything in the car, avoiding looking at Mpumelelo, who was in the lounge on his PlayStation. She went back to take the cake from the fridge. Mpumelelo had cut two slices off, and she had not even tasted her own cake, but she was not leaving it here. She reversed the car and left after bidding Mpumelelo goodbye and wishing him well. She didn't even know where Khaya was at that moment. She didn't want to know.

Sitting on the side of the road, I needed someone to lash out at. Someone to blame for my pain. Someone had to pay. It hurts so bad. God, my insides are rapturing into little chunks. Why me? Why have I been such a fool? God, why did you let me go through all that pain? My heart started chanting, "Love is not supposed to hurt." While all these thoughts and emotions were running through my body, a song came on...

🎼

When I was a little girl

I didn't have a father

And that's why

I'm leaning on you

When I was a baby

I didn't get a hug

From daddy that's

Why I need a hug from you

Oh it's not easy

And I thank you for putting up with me

When u don't have a daddy's love

to say that I'm you're little girl

(Are his little girl)

Oh, why didn't you love me?

(And give you the love) I need love yeh yeh yeh

(You really deserve)

And I believe I deserve and that's why, oh

That's why I need the father in you

(I need the father in you, baby)

That's why I need a father in you

(Please don't hurt me, please)

That's why I need a father in you

(Oh, that's why I really need you)

That's why I need a father in you

(Please be true)

🎼

When I switched on my engine, there was only one place to vent my frustrations. Boy, ooh, boy, was I planning to blow off steam like I had never done before. All of it was well deserved. I cleaned up my face and drove straight there. I parked outside the gate and called to announce my arrival.

Voice: "Hello"

Me: "Hi. I am outside your gate."

Voice: "Aaww, I did not know you were coming."

Me: "I didn't either, so are you coming outside?"

Voice: "I am not home."

Me: "Oooh..." I was disappointed.