Ignite My Soul

Chapter 19 - Fade to Black

Warning: Read in the space of safety. Do not just rush to get through it – I am 'warming' You. I don't want to hear, "I was in the office."

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Stars

They come and go. They come fast, they come slow

Like the last light of the sun? all in ablaze.

And all you see is glory but it gets lonely there

When there? No one here to share.

We can shake it away if you hear a story.

People lust for fame like athletes in a game.

We break our collarbones and come up swinging.

Some of us are downed, some of us are crowned

Lost and never found.

And the ones who gave the crown

Have been let down and

Try to make amends without defending.

Stars

The come and go. Coming fast, coming slow

Like the last light of the sun? all in ablaze.

And all you see is glory.

But most have seen it all.

We live our lives in sad cafés and music halls

Always with a story.

Stars

They come and go. Coming fast, coming slow

Like the last light of the sun? all in ablaze.

And all you see is glory

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It is Monday morning, and I am driving to work. I spent the weekend at Phenyo's binge-watching Breaking Bad. I love that he loves being a couch potato, just like me. There is a time to go out and be all over, but I am at my happiest lounging around and catching up on reading and watching awesome series. I know it feels too late to say we are working on being just friends after we have done the deed, but both of us are not in the headspace to have a relationship at the moment. So we chill, watch series, listen to music, talk conspiracy theories, drink and smoke. Aaah, the high... is exactly what makes the conspiracy chats fascinating. As I am driving, a call comes in.

Me: "Ukuthula (Peace be with you)"

Lesedi: "Khwezi where is Kgadi?"

Me: "Eeerrr, I don't know?"

Lesedi: "When was the last time you spoke to her?"

Me: "It's been a while."

We hung up after I agreed to meet her at Kgadi's home. Now I have to call my boss and let her know I will be late.

...

It has been a horrendously painful, long day. I am drained from my emotions, from feeling every other person's pain, but mostly because of the heaviness that comes with death. When a soul departs, we think we only grieve because of our loss, but there is a blanket of regret that becomes our haven and keeps us warm. The should have been and could have been. There are also the steel guilt boots. We drag our feet for days, months, or years and even feel guilty and regret the things we did not say or do. I feel like I am losing my mind. I go through our chats, looking for clues and trying to understand why God would do this. Why did I not anticipate or foresee this? Why was my third eye blinded?