Ignite My Soul

Chapter 24.1 - Monkey Business

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I say I'm good when I'm misunderstood.

I already gave enough, so you can never call my bluff

I work with no pay, but I'll find a way.

Cause I don't wanna ask too much

But be gentle with me

Cause I'm human baby and I break

You know I might not make it to the next time baby

that you say you're sorry

I might go away

Cause I'm only strong as glass

They say I'm built to last, but I could break.

Yeah, I'm only strong as glass

And I am all I have, so if I break

There's no more ooh oh oh

Strong as I am

Weak as a man, I am ooh

I'm gonna stand for as long as I can

Cause I am

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I think I finally understand the meaning of the word honeymoon. The honey is very sweet, dripping all over you. It is that sticky, golden, thick, lingering taste and enticing smell. It is exhilarating. You get a high from all that sugar rush. It is a result of bees swarming on an open flower. Yes, between the bee and the flower, there is a give and take that takes place inside the petals. Imagine the joy as the bee sucks on that nectar of the open flower that understands it has to stay open. That is how I opened my heart, like a bright sunflower, giving of my nectar to be enjoyed by my bee, understanding that it is necessary for the sweetness of the honey.

Now mother moon, fabulous, moody, mother moon. She comes and goes, reminding us that no moment lasts forever. You need to be present at all times, observe and take advantage of each and every passing phase. When the moon is full and bright, don't just stare at its wonder, beauty and light. It is there for you to shed all your baggage. Get rid of the old, recharge and make space for the new. I know it sounds the opposite, but that is how nature operates. You watch your huge load waning out into nothingness. When the sky is totally pitch black, know that the new moon is about to build up your dreams and wishes. New moon day is the day you set new intentions and start afresh to manifest your dreams.

Put these together, and you will realise that in any relationship, you are given two opposing choices. Love or Fear. Simple right? Wrong. Fear has so many relatives, and they are easy to miss when faced with situations. We are fooled into thinking that fear is a stand-alone word. But it is one word that cannot stand alone. See what I mean? Anyway, back to sweetness and phases. The past couple of weeks made me realise the sweetness of being close to Khaya, opening up to him and just being with him with no reservations. Unlabelled as we are, I am open to explore sharing myself with him fully.

In the same breath, it is hurting me to realise that a 16-year-old friendship could mean so much to one person and be discarded by another over something I consider ridiculous and a misunderstanding. Yet I feel our friendship is not worth the effort for Lesedi; in fact, she is doing the opposite and alienating me from our mutual friends. There are parties and gatherings I used to be a part of organizing that does not reach my mailbox, and I am surprised to see posts about how joyous everyone feels. When people question why I am no longer part of the crew, my response is that I am preoccupied, and hers is that I have betrayed her, and she cannot be friends with an envious traitor.

Unconsciously, all this loss, tension and avoidance is pushing me right into Khaya's arms. He has become my new hang out friend. Not because all my other friends who are not linked to Lesedi are not there. However, all the people in my life play a role, and I mean to maintain relations as they serve their purpose. Well, I tried and dismally failed where Khaya is concerned. There is no use hiding that I am falling for him, but I am not prepared to be the first to admit such, only to be rejected. We have a great thing going on, and I want it to last as beautifully as it is. For as long as we treat each other well and give each other multiple orgasms. Mind-blowing orgasms.