Dopamine Rush

27| JOSH.

Baguio

Today's the fourth day for our code blue training held here in one of the best training center at Baguio. It was a 3-day training and fourth day is our free-day and may use the time for our personal itinerary.

Maaga akong umalis ng hotel para pumunta sa pinakasikat at pinakamagaling na cardiologist ng Baguio. I'll be asking for his opinion. Upon arriving, a blockbuster line outside his office door welcomed my eyes. I patiently waited for my turn and when my name was called, I took a deep breath before entering.

I've waited until everything that needs to be done has been done and everything that needs to be discussed has been discussed. Then..

"Ms. Imperial, it was a dilated cardiomyopathy." For the third time, I heard it. "I'm sorry to say this, pero kahit saang lugar ka pumunta o kahit kaninong cardiologist ka magpa-konsulta, the diagnosis will be the same. It is very clear, Ms. Imperial. Consultation won't help. You have to accept it and submit yourself for treatment now. Manageable pa naman ang case mo pero hindi maganda ang lagay mo. We don't want another attack. We're not sure if your heart will survive after that."

Lumabas na ako ng ospital. Dinala ako ng mga paa ko sa kung saan. Napaupo na lang ako, nawawalan ng gana at lakas para harapin pa ang mundo. I spent my time there gawking at nowhere. It feels like my life is slowly falling apart. Wala akong nararamdamang kahit ano. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba dapat ang maramdaman sa sitwasyon kong ito. It's pure emptiness yet feels really heavy.

I think, this is the worst betrayal that I will ever experienced in my life. It's a different kind of pain and disappointment when your own body was the one betraying you.

Lumalamig na lalo ang klima at nagsisimula nang bumukas ang mga ilaw, tanda na nagdidilim na. Nagsimula na akong maglakad pabalik ng hotel. I'm so tired with all of the thoughts that is running on my mind, non-stop.

I sighed.

When I heard what the Doctor said, It was not as painful as the first time, but it is more disappointing and it is becoming more and more frightening.

Napasinghap ako nang may biglang kumabig saakin. A warm hand pull my wrist, while the other hand was gently settled over my shoulder. I landed on a strong arms, securing me on his side. I was occupied na hindi ko na napansin ang mga bisekletang muntik pa akong masagasaan.

I sighed tiredly.

Inangat ko ang aking paningin na siya namang sinalubong ng isang pares ng magagandang mata. They're strong and fierce but I can sense the softness behind.

"I've been looking for you for 2 hours already! Saan ka ba nagpunta? Kanina pa kita hinahanap ah!" Josh scolded me immediately using his hoarse voice. Annoyance is audible in his tone that doesn't match his concerned eyes. "What are you doing out here getting yourself run over with bicycles?"

He's scolding me again, but at least someone's there to scold me, right?

"Since you're really worried about me, why act so grumpy when you could just ask me if I'm okay." Ngiwi ko sa kaartehan niya na naman. "Stop being grumpy already. You see, I'm okay and really glad that I'm upsetting you again."

"Stop making everyone worried about you, Iz. You're always like this. You don't listen."

"It's cold." I sniffed, ignoring his rude remarks. "Wag kang ganyan, Josh. Mahina ako sa lamig. Ang cold na nga, ang cold mo pa."

"Alam mo naman kasing malamig tapos hindi ka man lang nagsuot ng sweater or hoodie. Malamig pala tapos nagpa-gabi ka pa." Pagsusungit nito.