You Deserve Better

⇒ CHAPTER FORTY ONE

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

𝐀𝐂𝐄
♤♤♤♤♤

I am sitting in the middle of my room. Streams of tears dripping down each side of my face uncontrollably, a bottle of the strongest alcohol in my hand. My mouth refuses to release a sound. i can only stare ahead at the blank wall before me, i forget it's color if it even had one at all because the darkness of the room has overtaken any light that once was.

It's almost laughable how ironic this has all become. My hand recklessly raises the drink to my lip and my mouth feels no regret as i swig the liquid into my mouth. I can feel the death of it fill me up with each drop that enters me. Somehow i don't care anymore.

The only sounds that surround me are the sounds of the grass outside the house shoving against itself and the high pitch of the alcohol swishing against the sides of the bottle as i bring it to my lips once again.

This is helping nothing. I just broke my sobriety and the very drink i thought would cure everything is helping absolutely nothing. I try with everything in me not to let another tear fall but i have accepted the fact that they are controlled by something beyond me that just refuses to let them stop.

My breaths speed up, my heart beat pounding in my chest until it overtakes the sound of the alcohol.

*Bang Bang*

I jump out of my skin when i hear thumping at my door, i have been hiding away from the people who care for me ever since i picked up the bottle again. My life has quickly gone back to what i thought i was freed from and i have become a shell of who i once was becoming.

The thumping gets louder despite me crouching my head further into my legs. I feel my body rock back and forth as every thought but a positive one floods my mind.

I feel death is close to me, as though it were a sibling and i cant help but wonder what i did to get back here. I hear a creek at the door as the banging stops and the door opens just slightly.

What the-

My body jumps up from the bed as if i were electrocuted, my body takes no pity on me as it refuses to slow its heart beat which is pounding in my chest.

I blink my widened eyes just to confirm that I'm not dreaming anymore, i can still feel the tears that were streaming down my face in my sleep.

I tap my shaky fingers against the bed that my body is recklessly sitting up on to see if I'm still here.

My mind finally catches up to my body, even though it is the dawn of night judging by the darkness outside of me.

What was that dream? I wipe my hand across my forehead and drag my body out of bed. I have no strength in me as i bring myself out of the bedroom.

My feet feel cold as they drag against the cold wooden floor to the even colder kitchen floor. I switch on a light which triggers the room to turn a warm orange.

My mouth craves for water so i grab go to the cupboard and open it wide, my eyes squint when i notice how many bottles of alcohol lay comfortably inside it.

Its funny how i never noticed them before, but now its almost like they have a glow to them. An enticing glow. Of course they would be the first thing i see after this dream.