Real life

Chapter 25

Brooklyns POV

Tanner just fell asleep but I can't sleep. I'm laying her staring at his face. He looks so peaceful sleeping. I can't help but think I shouldn't have asked him to move in. He probably thinks I'm a crazy clingy girlfriend.

Wait.. what if he thinks that. Omg bye bye boyfriend. I'm so dumb. But am I completely wrong for saying that? I mean asking him to move in. I'm completely, positively, 100% sure that I am in Love with this man. No doubt. But I love him so much that I'm so afraid of losing him that everything that I say I think is the thing that could tear us apart.

But I need to stop thinking about the negative and not being with Tanner because that is one of my biggest fears, him leaving me.

I crawl out of bed, quietly trying not to wake Tanner up and walk into the kitchen. I still have boxes all over the place and I trip over one on the way to the fridge. I grab a cup and fill it up with water and then take it back to my room. I set it on my nightstand and then lay down to try to go to sleep.

"Hey it's ok" I wake up, I'm sweating and Tanner's holding me. His arms wrapped around me. "What happened?" I ask him, confused. "I think you had a nightmare again". Uhh I hate that Tanner has to see me this way. But I feel safe knowing that I'm in his arms. And this, real life is more important and more real than anything that I could ever dream about.

I look down and realize that I am trembling, shaking. "Tanner, why am I shaking?" I ask him. "I don't know" "I'm scared."

"I know, it's ok I got you" he says.

I feel warm salt water fall onto my lips and I realize that I am crying. In front of Tanner, Of course I just had to cry. I had to let him see me like this. Why does this stuff always happen to me?

______________

I wake up still in the embrace of Tanner. I don't know how he does it. How he knows exactly how to make me feel better. How to make me feel safe. I can only hope that I make Tanner feel the same way but something doesn't make me so sure.

I roll over to face Tanner and he wakes up. "Good morning," he says. God I wish that I could wake up to this every morning but I think that Tanner does not feel the same way. I don't know. I'm getting mixed feelings from Tanner, he says that he loves me, and I love him. But he also says that he doesn't want to move in with me.

Maybe, it's just me. Maybe Tanner isn't ready for this next step. Maybe he wants to take things slow. But I don't think I do. I mean I want to be able to savor every waking minute with him but also you never know how long you'll be here or how long people are going to be in your life. But the one thing I do know is that I hope Tanner is in my life for a very very long time.

"Why do you have to go home?" I ask Tanner as I'm unpacking some boxes in the kitchen" I'm starting work today remember?". "I know I know and I start work tomorrow. When are you coming back to see me?"I ask him. "Well I was looking in the mirror earlier and I think it's time for a haircut. So maybe I could come by on Friday after work and stay."

"Hmm, I don't know, I'll have to check my calendar," I say jokingly. "Oh is that so?" "Yes, I am a very busy woman with many boyfriend's hair to cut."

"How many boyfriends are we talking about?"

"Oh I don't know maybe 5, 15, 20"

"Ok then, let me know when they're done getting their haircut by the hottest hair stylist in town."

I laugh and walk over to him, wrapping my arms around him. Savoring the last few moments before he has to leave.

"Bye" I say, giving him a kiss. "Ok, I guess that's my hint that you want me to leave"

"No, that's your hint that you need to leave for work"

"Okay, okay." he says, grabbing his bag and opening the front door.

Not even 2 minutes after he shuts the door and I hear his car start up I hear my phone vibrate on the counter. I walk over and pick it up. 'I love u' I read and typed the same thing back.

As I'm texting Tanner back my phone starts ringing and Camry's name pops up on the screen. "Hey, what's up? Are you home right now?" she asked me. "Yeah why?"

"Good, because I'm kind of pulling up to your house right now" she says and before I can say anything else she hangs up the phone and my door swings open.

"Hey bitch" she says barging into my house with a dress bag swung over one shoulder, her purse over the other and her hands holding two Starbucks coffees.

I gasp "what are you doing here" I ask her still in shock. "Well, I needed you to try on bridesmaid dresses and I have off work today and tomorrow so I thought why not come see my bestie at her new house."

"Camry, you did not just drive 5 hours just to come see me" I say. "why not? can you think of anything better I could be doing than wedding planning with you" she says.

"Uh yeah, maybe being with you fiance"

"Well, he was at school so it's to late now"

I just roll my eyes and laugh "I can't with you" I say.

"Okay so I think it just might be perfect" she says as I turn around to look in the mirror. The maid of honor dress that she picked out is what I think is one of the most beautiful dresses I have ever seen. It's a light, silky baby pink with spaghetti straps and a slit that reaches the thigh, a little more scandalous for me than usual but sometimes you gotta walk on the wild side.

"Oh my gosh, this dress really is stunning" I say looking at myself in the mirror, shifting the dress and playing with my hair. "This is definitely your color. You and tanner are going to look so good together" she says. "How do you know what he's wearing?" I ask.

"Because he's the best man and I've seen their suits. Duhh".

"Wait, Tanner is going to be Dylan's best man?"

"Yeah, I figured you knew has he not told you"

"No, I haven't heard anything from him about the wedding" I say.

"Oh my God what is wrong with you two. What happened?"

I think that Camry has some sort of best friends sense because I haven't said anything to her about me and Tanner but yet she knows something.

"Nothing" I say shrugging. "Doesn't seem like nothing" she says mumbling under her breath.

"We said the big three words"

"Omg, and what's the matter with that? Who said it first? Did you say it first and he didn't say it back?"

"He said it first and I said it back, it's just-" I paused.

"Just what"she said impatiently awaiting my response.

"I asked him to move in with me" I admit.

"Actually? What did he say?"

"He said he needed some time to think about it"

"Uh, oh that usually means just plain no to men, I'm sorry."

"I don't know what's wrong we've been together since summer I thought it has been long enough and he spends the night with me all the time it will just be easier if he moves in but I think that he still is going to say no"

"Just give him some time, I'm sure he'll come to his senses sooner or later,"she says.

Hopefully sooner rather than later because I can't just keep waiting and waiting and waiting.