illicit affairs | matt sturniolo

24

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"so what are we doing today" dan asked me. "i think i wanna write something based off the whole situation that has been going on the past couple weeks because it's been really kinda getting to me" i said

"you know what to do" he smiled. "i know i want it to be like not ballad" i said

"ok well how do you want to start?" harry aske.

"i've been buying a shit tom of make up lately because there was a rumour that she started that she said i had acne all over my body not just my face and that made me very insecure" i said

"don't listen her, please don't" harry said.

"but i try to ignore  it but it's everywhere  i see. it's like on the posters on the wall too" i laughed

"wait not to sound whatever but that's actually a great lyric"dan laughed

and then from there on we wrote pretty isn't pretty

"this song is amazing it's so different than logical and it's so your new era" harry said. "thanks harry" i smiled at him. "so wanna record it?" dan asked

harry took out the bass, dan took out his guitar and then my other producer amy did the drums

i went up to the mic stand and took out the lyrics from my phone

"Bought a bunch of makeup, tryna cover up my face
I started to skip lunch, stopped eatin' cake on birthdays
I bought a new prescription to try and stay calm
'Cause there's always somethin' missin'
There's always somethin' in the mirror that I think looks wrong
When pretty isn't pretty enough, what do you do?
And everybody's keepin' it up, so you think it's you
I could change up my body and change up my face
I could try every lipstick in every shade
But I'd always feel the same
'Cause pretty isn't pretty enough anyway
You can win the battle, but you'll never win the war
You fix thе things you hated and you'd still feel so insecure
And I try to ignorе it, but it's everythin' I see
It's on the poster on the wall, it's in like every magazine
It's in my phone, it's in my head, it's in the boys I bring to bed
It's all around, it's all the time, I don't know why I even try
When pretty isn't pretty enough, what do you do?
And everybody's keepin' it up, so you think it's you
I could change up my body and change up my face
I could try every lipstick in every shade
But I'd always feel the same
'Cause pretty isn't pretty enough
And I bought all the clothes that they told me to buy
I chased some dumb ideal my entire life
And none of it matters and none of it ends
You just feel like shit over and over again
No, it'll never change
Pretty isn't pretty enough, mmm
Everybody's keepin' it up, oh
Pretty isn't pretty enough
Pretty isn't-"

"we have time to finish lacy if you want" "i think it's only right" i laughed.

"so right now the lyrics are lacy oh lacy skin the puff pastry well aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell, that's how you want to start it right?" dan asked

"i think so" i said. "i have a feeling people are either gonna think it's about gracie abrams because of the ribbons lyric or they might think it's about taylor swift" dan said.

"why wouldn't they think it's about lacy?" harry asked. "because she doesn't use her real name on social media" i said. "whatever happens happens like we can do the song and then see if you even out it on the album" harry said.

"your right" i said to him.

this is probably one of my favorite tracks. it's so delicate. and so real. "so ready to record the second song of the day" harry laughed.

"i am" i laughed

"Lacy, oh, Lacy, skin like puff pastry
Aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?
Dear angel Lacy, eyes white as daisies
Did I ever tell you that I'm not doing well?
Ooh, I care, I care, I care
Like perfume that you wear
I linger all the time
Watchin', hidden in plain sight
Ooh, I try, I try, I try
But it takes over my life
I see you everywhere
The sweetest torture one could bear
Smart sexy Lacy, I'm losing it lately
I feel your compliments like bullets on skin
Dazzling starlet, Bardot reincarnate
Well, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?
Ooh, I care, I care, I care
Like ribbons in your hair
My stomach's all in knots
You got the one thing that I want
Ooh, I try, I try, I try
Try to rationalize
People are people
But it's like you're made of angel dust
Lacy, oh, Lacy, it's like you're out to get me
You poison every little thing that I do
Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately
And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you
Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you"

"this is my favorite" i announced. "really?!" dan said. "y'a" i laughed. "my favorite is pretty isn't pretty" harry said. "and mine is logical" dan said

"and your putting out so american next week right?" dan asked.  "y'a but it's not gonna be on the album, and i think i wanna do is put stranger, girl i've always been, scared of my guitar and obsessed on a deluxe version of this album" i said. "you would need another song  though" harry asked

"i could do that too" i laughed

"well i'm gonna go hang out with johnny and nick, i'll see you guys tomorrow right?" i asked. "yes you will" harry smiled

once we finished at the studio johnny came to pick me up. harry came out to say hi to him. "hi harry" johnny smiled. "hi johnny" harry said 

"be safe ok?" harry said looking at me then at johnny. "we're just going to my house" johnny said. "have fun" he smiled walking away.

i jumped into the car and gave johnny a big hug because i haven't seen him since our trip last week. "how was?" he asked me. "so good we finished lacy and a song called pretty sing pretty" i said smiling widely.

"oh and by the way adi and nick or coming over" i laughed. "well i knew about nick" he said.

him and nick have gotten very close over the past couple weeks. it's been really nice seeing my boyfriend and guy best friend get along so well. adi on the other hand, needs to get to know john a little more

"mark just texted me" i said. "everything good?" he asked weight his eyes still on the road. "he wants me to go on the zach sang show" i said

"their great lex i promise" he said knowing that i have anxiety talking in interviews to new people. "i'll go with you if you want" he said

"yes please" i said. "have you thought about tour?" he then brought up. "i'll go to the last two shows because i don't wanna miss studio sessions, please don't be upset i was really trying to figure it out but dan is going away and then the week after harry is working on his album in new york" i explained

"i'm happy if your coming to two lex i promise" he smiled

i smiled at him. he reminds me of matt. a lot actually.

"nick!" i smiled giving him a hug once we got to johnnys house. "hi lex" he smiled. "adsters i missed you" i screamed lunging at her.

"i missed you too girlie" she said. "so i wanna hear this song mam" nick said and johnny bursted out laughing. i told him about lacy but i didn't tell him the exact name of it.

so u played it for them i guess

after 2 minutes and 50 seconds the song was over

"this is amazing and what the hell" nick said. "this is the best thing you have ever written" adi said. "i think i bring it out in you" johnny laughed