𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 | 𝐁𝐗𝐁

ＦＩＦＴＹ ＥＩＧＨＴ

So we were at a Walmart store in the evening. Because our new apartment had a really large terrace and I needed some small lighting and some potted flowers there. I actually had some things planned for our first night at home and Matt didn't know about it yet.

"Maybe we should buy one of these." I turned to look at Matt and saw that he was holding a pottery vase with a naked male figure on it.

"Don't talk nonsense." I tugged it from his hand and placed it back on the counter. "This is the best way to say you're gay without saying you're gay."

He laughed slyly and slapped my ass in front of two afternoon shift workers in blue vests. I was about to yell at him, but that would only draw more attention. So I pulled him by the arm and led him to a blind spot before pressing his back against the shelves. I was shorter and smaller than him and he could have easily gained the upper hand if he wanted, but he didn't. We looked at each other. I couldn't take my eyes off him as I pressed my nose against his. 

"If you weren't such a charming bastard I'd kill you."

Matt's hands slid into the back pockets of my jeans, he chuckled as he squeezed my ass hard. But there was a serious look in his eyes. "I never thought I'd be this happy..." he said as he pressed his nose against mine. "I never imagined I'd be like this with you."

"Me too, Matt..." I knew what he was talking about. If anyone had told me that I would be like this with him in my first year at university, I would have laughed in their faces.

He lifted his head up to kiss me. I closed my eyes and went towards him. Our mouths desperately searched for where they belonged, to crash into each other.

"Ben..."

It was a buzzing sound that I guessed was coming from only about a meter away. But the whole world suddenly broke. I froze and as my arms fell from Matt's neck to the floor, I wanted to believe that what I had just heard wasn't real. But I guess there was no way. I turned back helplessly...

I stood there staring at the man frozen with a terrified face. I looked into the eyes of the man holding a night lamp and some gardening supplies. As Steve's gaze darted between Matt and me, only one thing came out of my mouth. 

"Steve, stop..."

Right, it wasn't about him seeing me kissing my sister's husband. The thing was Steve was still my boyfriend because I didn't have the balls big enough to break up with him and tell him something didn't feel right. And I hurt him so bad. Someone who has never done anything but treat me well.

He didn't say anything, just turned around and started walking. "Steve!" I called his name again, louder this time, and quickly stuttered something as I came to my senses when Matt's hand came around me from behind and settled on my arm. "I'll be right back, I have to talk to him..."

When Matt reluctantly let me go, I started running after Steve. I guess he didn't buy the lamp and the building materials because he was already walking out of the store. I ran, and when I finally got out, I caught him in the parking lot, opening the door to get into his car. 

"Steve, wait..."

"Why?" He looked at me with wide eyes when I held his door and blocked him as he tried to get into the car.

"Because I want to explain to you, about what you see inside..."

He didn't push me, but took a few steps back to prevent me from making any contact with him. He folded his arms and stared into space, pressing his lips for a while, then fixed his eyes on my face. "I guess there was a reason you weren't answering my calls."

"Look, I know what you're thinking..." I stuttered quickly.

"About me seeing you kissing your sister's husband?"

When I took a deep breath and looked at his face, he continued.

"Actually, when you told Darby you had a bad case of food poisoning, I was so worried about you that I went to Luke's apartment and he told me you never came back from your sister's house. It was weird, but I have to admit, I didn't expect this. You and him... That's incredible."

"I know you hate me..." At that moment I realized my voice was starting to shake. "But if it helps, Matt and I were together when we were roommates, and that was before he married my sister."

He scratched his chin as if he was intrigued by what I just said. "Does your sister know about this?"

I nodded quickly. "No, no, Steve. Of course not..."

"But is all this enough for you to kiss him in a store now?" I looked at my feet in response to his question. Like that little boy who is interrogated and scolded for breaking things. Steve took a deep breath. "Are you in love with him?"

I just sniffled, feeling a bit of wetness pooling behind my eyes. That's an obvious enough and shitty answer.

"So why did you agree to date with me in the first place? Were you distracting yourself to forget about him? Was I just a pass for you?"

"No, Steve!" Damn, this time I screamed loud enough for everyone in the parking lot to hear. "Of course not! It's just... I liked you, I really did, but Matt... When he came into my life again..."

"I don't care if you have a fucking weakness for him!" He said before opening the door again to get into the car. "I'm not going to let you hurt me again, Ben. And from now on, decide what you want to do with your boyfriend before playing with people. If you decide to continue this game and humiliate yourself with a married man."

I could feel the tears running down my face as he walked away. I closed my eyes and stood there for a while before wiping my eyes on my shirt sleeve and turning away. There he was, only to find Matt waiting nearby. He didn't let me say anything. He pulled me and buried his face in my hair as he cradled my body in his arms. 

"Let's get out of here..." 

He caressed my back while humming in a soothing voice.