𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 | 𝐁𝐗𝐁

ＴＨＩＲＴＹ ＦＩＶＥ

I am the most degenerate man in the world.

Back at Matt's house, the night we told our girlfriends we were going out to buy wine, I woke up the morning of with a wide, goddamn smile on my face. Kate had already gotten up to go to school. Without shame, I even prepared her a nice breakfast and made an omelette. 

You know, in those situations, when you know you've done something forbidden, something very, very bad, you feel guilty. At least you know you're supposed to feel it. But when I examined myself that morning, I realized that I didn't feel guilty or anything like that. Regret, shame or contrition. On the contrary, my soul was singing and dancing with happiness. Damn, I'm so bad.

After Kate left the house, I thought for a moment as I checked my email. Maybe the reason I didn't feel guilty was because I realized that Matt and I had wanted each other for a long time. I was just trying to understand why I wasn't feeling bad. But cheating, stealing your sister's boyfriend, and lying to everyone around you were considered morally wrong by everyone, and I knew it. But when I found one from Matt among my emails, my face twisted into that same evil smile again.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the mail.

Matt: "Good morning. Have you talked to Kate? Are you coming to Vermont next week?"

I had to think a bit about whether to leave the mail unanswered. After getting myself a coffee, I sat in front of the computer and decided to write him a humorous answer.

Ben: "Was it hard to wait a week? Also, why are you emailing me? Is your cell phone broken?"

Matt responded within seconds.

Matt: "I'm an old school guy. Besides, if that's you, you have no idea how hard it is to wait even an hour."

I clenched my fist under my chin and realized I was grinning to myself like a real asshole. So what are we now? Am I having a secret affair with my sister's boyfriend? Wait, can I do this to Sam? What does this say about me? About my relationship and Kate? About Matt's relationship.

I took a deep breath and wrote him an answer.

Ben: "You really are a bad guy. A handsome-as-hell failure of character. I'm going to talk to Kate tonight."

I thought for a few seconds before sending, but then my finger quickly hit the keys. So will I really do this? Matt and me? Are all the fantasies that occupied my mind during the first year of university coming true? Also the way he touches me. Usually when you commit such an action you need to feel a certain amount of remorse. My heart breaks for my sister and Kate, truly. But if no one finds out, no one will be upset. No one needs to get hurt. As long as Matt and I keep whatever shit we eat secret. Because my body was dying to surrender to his sovereignty again. The electricity the touch of his hands leaves on my skin. I'm so confused.

There was a quick response from Matt.

Matt: "Great. So, what are you doing tonight?"

Tonight, damn it... It was less about facing the fact that Matt couldn't wait a week to see me again and more about remembering that Kate and I had gone out to celebrate our first anniversary. 

I punched my head and pulled my hair. I didn't even buy her a gift. So, realizing that I had to go out urgently, I wrote him a quick reply.

Ben: "Not tonight, sorry. Kate and I are celebrating our one-year anniversary. And now I have to go out to buy her a present. Can we talk later?"

The answer appeared before me within seconds.

Matt: "Oh, I'll try to act like I'm not hurt. Look, can I come with you?"

I stopped pulling my jeans up my ass, gently kicked them off, and pressed my palms to the table, stared at the screen for a moment, then typed an answer.

Ben: "Do you want to come with me to choose a gift for my girlfriend?"

Matt: "Look, I feel like you need to think about what this is. You're a real idiot Ben, I'm looking forward to spending some time with you."

I felt a strong heart palpitation as I looked at the words on the screen. Matt wanted to help me pick out a gift for my girlfriend so he could spend a few hours alone with me? I must admit there were times when I thought it was just about sex, but it wasn't. I don't feel like that at all. God, what is Matt trying to do?

Ben: "When can we meet?"

Matt: "Now? I'm coming to get you."

***

"What do you plan to tell them if they somehow find out we're meeting?" While I was twisting a yellow, woolen scarf in my hand, I looked at the tall man standing next to me.

"First of all, no one finds out we're meeting." Matt pulled the scarf from my hand and grinned as he put it back on the hanger, "Second, this is a truly terrible gift choice. The worst thing you could buy a woman."

"What do you recommend?" I asked with a sly grin.

"I don't know, everything but that?" Matt grinned as he began to wander around the store.

Marveling at our situation, I followed him around the stalls filled with luxury goods. I was limited on money, so I was a little embarrassed that I had to go for the cheapest items in the store, but it was all I could do for now. Matt finally stopped in front of a red dress. But the dress is a little... very... Revealing. "That's not going to happen," I quickly protested, "This is too revealing."

"Someone is jealous of his girlfriend."

I sent him a quick, awkward look. "That's not why, okay? That's not what I meant, I..."

"Who are you ashamed of?" I turned bright red when Matt leaned towards me. He followed me until I was leaning against one of the counters filled with colorful bags, hovering over me and standing so close our lower bodies were almost grazing each other.

"From no one... What do you mean..."

When one of his hands reached for my chin and pulled my head up tightly so that I could look at him, I took a quick look around in embarrassment, there was no store clerk or customer. "I know you fucked her," he hissed, but he was chuckling, "I'm not doing the same to Sam, and it's just a choice. I don't blame you, okay?"

"This isn't the time to talk about this," I said and he started laughing loudly and I quickly pushed his hand back, "Why do you enjoy embarrassing me so much?"

"Because you're so cute," he said without looking at me as he walked to another counter in the store, "And if you're not buying that dress for Kate, you can buy it for yourself. I'd be happy to see that thing on you."

I punched him very hard on the shoulder, "You bastard!"

We left the store shortly after, buying a shawl for Kate. I felt awkward getting into Matt's car. There were some butterflies flying around in my heart and stomach, I didn't even know exactly why. 

When he got into the driver's seat, he turned to me without moving the car, squinted his eyes and looked at my face for a while, then said, "You should know that I don't like to insist, but I really want to see you tonight. Would you like to join me for a little run after having dinner with her?"

It was an open invitation. I felt scary, decadent, weird, exciting and like a real slut. That's why I couldn't say no.