Secretly 21

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Hindi ko alam kung paano mag-react sa sinabi ni Miguel, pero kay lakas ng tibok ng puso ko hanggang sa nakapasok ulit ako sa meeting room. Naabotan ko si Grey na nakaupo na sa office chair, nakayuko ang kanyang ulo at tila malalim ang iniisip.

Nag-angat siya ng mukha at nagtama ang aming mga mata. He's surprised to see me again. "Clarice?" Tumayo siya at lumapit naman ako sa kanya, nakahawak ang kanan kong kamay sa'king dibdib, ramdam ko pa ang pagdabog ng puso ko. And I want it to stop.

"I suppose you want an explanation?" Malumanay ang boses ni Grey, that voice when you feel like you have betrayed someone close to your heart. He goes to arrange a seat for me. Dun din ako umupo. "I thought you left with him."

Nope. He dragged me here and back. But I left him and now he's mad.

Wait, why would Miguel get mad at me if I left him? What's on him, anyway?

I shake my head. Why am I thinking about him when I'm here to talk to Grey?

Umupo si Grey sa tabi ko at hinanap ang aking paningin. No one said anything at first. Grey is just waiting for me to speak, after all, ako ang may kailangang malaman sa kanya. I bet he already knows almost everything about me.

"Grey, why didn't you tell me about this?" Panimula ko. Humugot muna ako ng malalim na hininga bago nagpatuloy. "Were you lying to us all this time?"

"How can I lie?" He replies. Napalunok ako. Well, I remember Grey as a good servant of God. He's not perfect like everybody else, but he's a good man.

"Before you came to the church, pagiging police na ang natapos kong kurso, Clarice. I graduated college at a young age, and that's the only thing you know. But when I came to know you, I tried to look for another work na hindi na kailangang malayo sayo. Thus, I found an online job and self-studied for months."

"You didn't mention about it, not even once, Grey. We've been friends for a long time. I'm sorry, I don't have the right to say it, but I just feel...betrayed."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask." Sagot niya at natameme ako. Kailangan ba talagang magtanong una bago sabihin ang isang bagay?

"Still, that's not a valid reason that you kept it from me." Disappointed kong sabi. I feel betrayed because we're really close friends, at magkakampi kami pagdating kay Aryen.

"I was about to tell you." Sabi niya. "When Aryen got married, I left my online job and applied here for a change. Natanggap naman ako, after that, I confessed to you again."

Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. I know what happened next.

Bigla siyang tumawa at napakamot siya sa kanyang buhok, tapos namumula pa ang pisngi niya when he added, "Well, binasted mo ako for the third time. Sayang nga e, excited pa naman akong sabihin sayo na natanggap ako sa polisya. I thought it would be a good match, you and I both working for justice."

"Grey..."

"But of course, I don't really stand a chance with you, Clarice. Don't worry, I'm well aware about that. God made me realized that. Matagal ko nga lang natanggap sa sarili ko." May halong lungkot na sa boses ni Grey and surely, it was never my intention to hurt his feelings. In the first place, I already told him that I don't have feelings for him. I never gave him hopes to hope on.

I look down and sigh. "I will appreciate it, Grey, if you move on completely. I never wanted to hurt you."

"You never did, Clarice. Oh please, you didn't. I was happy with you during those days. I didn't regret it...being your closest friend. But I guess, I have to set my bounderies. Or else, I might love you again."

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