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Melina sat upright on her pool steps, staring soullessly at the water that lapped at her knees. Thoughts swarmed through her head as she attempted to understand what was going on within herself. She'd never felt confusion like this before, not even when on her last Italian Literature exam before the summer started.
As she slowly kicked her feet in the water, enjoying the feeling of it moving around her calves, she felt herself grown anxious. For Melina, anxiety had become a second nature since childhood, only worsening as she aged.
Melina knew deep down how she felt about Kimi. He was always who she'd imagined herself growing old with, even if that was platonic. He was her first and longest lasting friend. She'd cared for him in ways she hadn't cared about Nadia, and that was saying something considering the fact that she'd take endless years of torture for the girl.
But, somewhere along the way, she knew very well there was a line that separated platonic love and what she'd felt mustering in herself lately. And she knew, in that moment where she'd just admitted that in her brain, she'd officially crossed that invisible line.
Tears welled in the seventeen year old girls eyes. Emotions flooded her body, capsizing the moment she felt the salty water touch her lips.
Shame, embarrassment, confusion, anger, the whole emotional scale made its way through her brain. She'd officially allowed herself to feel what she'd suppressed for so long. Too long.
Standing from the water, Melina grabbed her towel, quickly drying her legs before grabbing her phone and making her way inside.
Her mom sat on the couch. She'd just gotten off a long shift at the hospital, and exhaustion was evident on her face, but when she saw her daughter's expression, she sat up straight.
"Mels?" She frowns, "honey, whats wrong?"
At the last two words, Melina forces back a sob, speed walking to the couch where she slumps into her mom's arms. She sits there for a moment, letting her tears soak onto her mother's scrubs.
"Melina..." Carmen speaks softly, lifting her daughter's chin, "what's wrong?"
Taking a few deep breaths, Melina calms herself down enough to speak. "I think... I think I—" And she stop. She cannot speak the words into existence, because the second she does, it becomes real. If she says those three words, everything she'd fought to keep at bay would suddenly become all too real for the young Italian girl.
Carmen wasn't an idiot. She had once been exactly where Melina was, when she'd fallen for her own best friend. For Melina's father.
"Oh baby.." She says slowly, understanding how her daughter was feeling. "I'm sorry." Is all she can say. Because falling for someone like that was never easy.
"It's stupid. It's so stupid! I don't even know why i'm crying!" She groans loudly, "I want him dead! That's a lie, I really don't. But—"
A soft chuckle escapes the older women's lips, "Mel, I know. You know the story behind me and your dad. I know exactly how you feel. You don't want him dead, you just want him to want you or you'd rather he never existed."
