TW: Self-harm, homophobia
"I eh.." I fail to complete a sentence, already fighting the tears
"Hold on" Max says and grabs my clothes and hands them to me "get dressed first" he says and he does the same, while putting on my clothes I glance at him a couple of times, how do I explain this without making him look at me differently
"Its an old scar it happened like 6 years ago, dont worry" I say trying to dodge the conversation
"Come on tell me" Max says and grabs my hand and kneels down infront of me
"I... I went through a rough time, grades were slipping, I got sick every other week, I was struggling with my mental health" I say without going into detail but just thinking about it already hurts like a million cuts
"Oh. But how did the scar happen?" He asks completely clueless, part of me wants to continue hiding the worst time of my life but somehow Max makes me feel like he wants to know all of me, the good and the bad
"You might wanna sit down for this, it's gonna be a long one" I tell him and he site down besides me
"Are you sure you want to tell me?" He asks worried
"Yes, I've been trying to hide it for to long" I say and sigh, thinking about where to start
"I was 12 when I realised I was gay, everyone was interested in Football, Sports, you know typical guy things and I always had a connection with Art, the Instrumental kind or even the dancing but I kept it to myself since none of my friends would understand. So years went by and I just did what my friends did, played football, played video games with them while teaching myself to read music and eventually write it myself using an app on my tablet while I was alone in my room. Then before my sixteenth birthday I finally told my parents about my interest in Music and that I wanna play Piano or Guitar and at first they disliked the idea since I would turn into the odd one but quickly told me they'd pay half of my first guitar so I had to find a job and earn some money" I start telling the story
"Is this where you started working at the Karting track?" Max ask and I nod
"Yeah, I worked there for Months, cancelling plans with my friend just to put in some extra hours. Until they asked me what I'm even buying with all that Money, Part of me wished I lied that day, cause when I told them im buying a guitar they started giving me weird looks, distancing themselves from me. Which I was fine with, I was busy working anyways and at home I distracted myself with Music. That went well for a couple of Months until I developed a crush on a classmate and got caught staring at him by my 'friends', I played it off like I was just lost in my thoughts but they didn't believe me so when I got to School the next day my locker was covered in Pride-flags and slurs, telling me to burn in hell, quit PE and never show my face in a locker room again" I say as tears start flowing down my face uncontrollably and Max takes me in his Arms
"Hey you don't have to continue" he tells me worried
"I do..." I whimper and get back to the story "I went home, skipped class all week, surprisingly one of my friends showed up at my house, we talked for hours and I spilled my secrets with him about my sexuality, my hobby just everything I hid from everyone. Only to find out that he was the one who decorated my locker and only wanted to know if his suspicions were right. I told my parents quickly after and got their full support, they talked to the principal, the parents but without success. Soon I was known as the 'f*g of the town' which I felt wasnt easy for my parents, I continued working at the Karting track since no one knew me there until I finally saved up my part of the guitar, my parents took me to buy it and once I got home I couldn't stop playing. It was my therapy, the thing keeping me sane since going to school wasn't an option currently, I spend hours practicing my favourite songs, writing my own until one day after Working at the Karting track I came home to my parents arguing, my dad got suspended to 'take care of his son and to find a treatment' the night ended that my dad took my guitar and smashed it on the floor. Destroying the one thing that I cared about. Since I lost my only thing that kept me chill I grabbed to something else... I started drinking, I got drunk every day for a month while my parents were asleep, drowning my sorrow until..." I say and stop speaking thinking about that night as I move my fingers over my scar
"I dropped a bottle on accident and as soon as I saw the sharp shard of glass I thought maybe its better if I didn't exist anymore, my dad can go back to work, my parents life are back to normal and everything is well without me... so I took the..." I start sobbing harder "I took the shard and cut open my forearm all the way" I say and Max starts holding me tighter "I wanted to kill myself for the way I made my parents feel, eventho it wasn't my fault... I don't know how long I was out for but I woke up in a hospital with another guy, none of my parents in sight just the bright lights, my arms covered in bandages and both my arms and legs cuffed to the bed, they were afraid I was gonna try it again" I say and start crying and Max starts rubbing my back
"I'm so so sorry you had to go through that, I wish I could've been there for you" Max says in a sad tone
"You're here now" I sniff "thats good enough"
"Im so proud of you" he say and looks me in my eyes
"Why? I just told you part of my life im the most embarrassed about" I respond confused
"You talked about it, not everyone can do that. That makes you pretty brave if you ask me" he says filled with pride
"I don't feel very brave... quite the opposite" I say wiping the tears off my face
"Listen, you went through all that, got back on your feet. Got out of a relationship with a guy that cheated on you and then got on-top of the charts writing a song about the experience, your album is trending worldwide and I'm the luckiest guy out here sharing my life with you" Max says making me tear up again
"I'm just so tired of losing" I say, as my voice starts breaking
"Listen, you won't lose me, you understand me?" He says grabbing my face forcing me to look at him
"Yeah" I say quietly and he presses his lips on mine, never in my life has a kiss felt this pure, genuine and filled with love like this one, but obviously it had to be interrupted with a knock on the door
"Yo Max, you awake in there?" We hear Daniel shout through the door. Max and I look at each other with a smile and he wipes the tears of my face before getting up and walking to the door
"Yeah, whats up Danny?" Max asks
"Wheres Dylan? I can't find him anywhere" Daniel asks and Max completely opens the door and I wave at Daniel
"We were just talking and didn't want to wake Lando and you up" Max tells him
"Everything okay?" He asks and I nod
"Yeah, just talking about life, our career and stuff like that" Max replies
"Oh alright, well were awake now and Lando wants to play a game of Uno so are you two in?" He asks us and Max turns to me, waiting for my response first
"Yeah, I just need to use the bathroom first" I respond, acting as natural as possible
"I'll be there in a sec" Max responds and Daniel nods and walks away
"You sure you're okay with that?" Max asks me worried
"Yeah, I need a little bit of fun after that" I smile
"I could've thought about something else to cheer you up" Max says and connects our lips again, a smile forming in his face as he get dirty thoughts again
"I think that will have to wait till Singapore" I say smiling at him and giving him a quick kiss before getting up to head to the bathroom
"Thats not lovely" he says
"Thats life" I smirk and walk out his room towards the bathroom to quickly pee and wash my face, trying to hide the fact that I cried before joining the others at the table to play uno
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For any readers out there that experienced a similar thing, feel free to message me 🫶🏻. You are loved no matter what your brain tells you! Just know that I'm so proud of you for still being here 🩷🩷
