𝐻𝑜𝓌 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊..? Sanegiyuu Angst

16: ᴜɴᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ

TW: Bulimia and mention of Shinobu!

SANEMI POV:

This is awkward. Insanely awkward. We're not even bothering to look at eachother, just keeping our heads down onto our unfinished plates, avoiding any chance of a glance.

The wind is howling deafeningly loud outside - obviously showing how the on-going winter is cruel and dangerous. This snowstorm has lasted multiple hours now. I'm wondering when it'll stop but it seems like I shouldn't get my hopes up just to be broken down.

I take a chance and take a quick glance at Giyuu's plate, it's more full than mine and he noticeably feels how stiff the air is. The air in here is so thick that it wouldn't take much to cut it.

I note how he's just pushing the food around his plate. Does he not like it? Is it too dry? I had no idea what to cook but I decided on something that I know I've mastered and can never mess up. There's no way that by now he's not starved, I haven't seen him eat ever since maybe one or two days ago. And that was just pancakes. When he was sleeping over I heard his stomach growling as I was going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I didn't let it get to me but surely he's hungry.

The dish I cooked is very popular, but then again meat is popular and some people don't like it. But I've never met someone who isn't into tonkatsu and omurice, except for vegans and vegetarians. But I know it isnt because he doesn't want to eat parts or things created from animals because I've seen him eating salmon daikon before.

Giyuu doesn't look very lively and I feel like it's only going to get more awkward if nothing is said so I take a breathe and offer something into the space.

"Do you not like the food I made?"

That's when he meets my eyes in sheepishness but then immediately looks down and takes a single bite before looking back up at my expecting face.

"No..I like it. I'm just not very hungry..sorry."

Well that's an evident lie. He has to be hungry.

"I think I could finish half of it if it would make you happy?"

That's good enough for me. He doesn't have to finish all of it he just has to eat something before he starved himself.

With that I stand up with my plate and chopsticks and head over to the sink and starting to wash my plate.

"Yeah whatever just bring your plate over when you're finished."

TIMESKIP:

Now we're sat on the couch watching a movie, I just clicked on the first one I saw. It was actually very interesting and kept me occupied whilst my mind wasn't thinking about the awkwardness. I feel the weight of the couch lighten up a bit and see Giyuu heading towards the bathroom. I pay it no mind, but when a couple of minutes pass by I remember that I left some of my washing in the bathroom and I had to go get it.

I drag myself towards the designated room and knock on the door.

No answer.

I knock again.

No answer.

I listen in trying to figure out why he's not answering, did something happen? Was he crying? No. He couldn't be doing that.. there was nothing in my bathroom that could be used and there wasn't anything he was carrying because he had a shower before dinner. I saw him put his clothes in the washing machine and the pyjamas I gave him had no pockets, they were baggy aswell. I concentrate on a noise I hear, the sink is running but I could definitely hear something else. He's throwing up. He's throwing up the food I made him? So he hated it. The Angel on my shoulder was trying to convince me that he just had a poor stomach but that was hoping for the best. This world is cruel and undeniably didn't give a shit about feelings.

I knock on the door again and this time I speak.

"You ok in there? It's not my fault you didn't like my food, I gave you the chance to tell me! Do you really think I'm that selfish that I'd shout at you for not liking a kind of food.?"

I hear the lock click and he opens the door with his hand swiping over his mouth to clean up.

"No it's just something that happens a lot."

He walks past me and back into the living room. Forget about the washing I needed to get to the truth out of him. So I follow him into the living room.

"It happens a lot?"

"Yes."

"So it's not my food?"

"No."

Damnit all of my questions are being met with one word answers. I literally gave him a hand job a couple days ago, how is he still shy around me?!

"And how often is this?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know because it's uncontrollable or because you force it yourself?"

Ignored. So that's the question he finally decides to shut up about. I have my answer then.

Why would he do that to himself, he knows demon slayers have to have energy and to have energy you need to eat.

"Giyuu."

"Please don't take me to Kocho, I'm sure you don't want to see her anyway after what happened-.."

"Relax. Stop trying to persuade me. I know this is a stupid decision but I'm not taking you to her, she's only going to make it worse. And the master won't be thrilled about me battering her a second time."

He nods in gratitude.

I never would've guessed that he was bulimic, I mean, I knew he was suicidal and he self harmed but to be bulimic? As a demon slayer? The thought never would've crossed my mind. Now all I need to do is help him.

But how?

WORD COUNT: 1000

This chapter is inspired by the comment left on one of the earlier chapters by

Where do you think/want to live when you can?

For me it's Japan bcs I'm obsessed with culture and I think it's a beautiful place!

(This took me an hour to write bcs my taxi driver was too busy  smoking to come pick me up and I didn't got to school even tho I waited hours 😭)