Embracing My Shepherd [COMPLETED]

Chapter 18

TW:Tortur3

Burned...

In the past I never know how to have fun. Hindi ko pinapangalagahan ang buhay ko. To me living was more like a responsibility more than a gift. It never felt like a gift.

My life felt like a punishment. With the endless voices inside my head saying that I deserve this kind of life. With the endless pains and sufferings. It felt suffocating. The voices that grew louder and louder as the day passed.

As the memories suddenly flashed backed. The familiar heat of the fire, it wasn't comforting... instead it was burning. That fire wasn't meant to comfort nor guide me. It was meant to burn me. To kill me. The scorching fire was wild, I could feel it from where I am.

The memories of those fire... The images from my past suddenly flashed... Red paint spreading in the floor. Purple bruised in my arm and face. The burn marks in my shoulder. The heat being pressed in my shoulders. The shouts...

I could hear the shout and pleading. I couldn't bear it anymore... The voices inside my head telling me to die suddenly came back.

The memories flashed slowly making sure that it will be etched in my mind. Not wanting to be forgotten as it is an evidence of how careless and irresponsible I am. A punishment.

"Saan ka galing?" I bit my lips when I saw my mother waiting in our sala.

She's annoyed and frustrated... I can feel it.

I gulped when she walk towards me.  Hindi na ako maka layo. It was like I am glued into the floor.

Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang isinampal sa akin ang isang papel, My head tilt because of the impact.

Nahulog sa lapag ang papel na isinampal niya sa akin at nang makita kung ano 'yon ay halos malagutan ako nang hininga.

My report card...

How did she got it? Akala ko ba hindi pa pwedeng makuha ang report card?! What power does she have to get a hold of that card?

"Lahat nang grade mo 95 pababa?! Really?! Nag lolokohan ba tayo dito, krish?!" She shouted.

I couldn't do anything but to lower my head looking at the floor where my report card is, staring at the name written in it.

Reiela Krish Sandoval.

How I hate that name... How embarrassing it is to have that kind of name?

A shepherd? Really? A shepherd is something that guides sheep and yet no one ever guides me. I am not a shepherd, I am the sheep that needs to follow orders and get locked inside the sheepfold.

The only difference is the sheep inside those sheepfold are being protected while me? I am locked up because she protect her own image.

"Nakakahiya ka talagang bata ka! Wala kana ba talagang ipagmamalaki?!" She shouted.

My mother is a great actor all right... she has this mask where she will look a nice lovely mother in front of everyone. But when we're alone, she transform into someone you wouldn't expect.

"At saan ka galing? Ginabi ka nang uwi? Bakit? Marunong kanang mag walwal?! Lumalandi ka na?! How disappointing." She slapped me again.

I felt a slight pain, mukhang nakalmot niya ang pisngi ko. Mahaba kasi ang kuko ni mommy.

Kaya pala walang katao-tao dito sa loob ng bahay, they're probably in their own room. Leaving me and my mother here in the sala. They all left to give us privacy... To give my mother a freedom to hurt me...